Welcome to the VERY FIRST edition of The Wrath of Tito, the brand new weekly column by yours truly, the now FORMER Daily Columnist, Mr. Tito. It was a great run at writing daily columns, but with time constraints coming up with graduate school, this is just the way it has to be. It feels different, though, not feeling the pressure to write at least 4 or 5 columns a week. Now I can focus my energy into one column, and I hope it turns out for the better.
Yes, the ASK TITO forum was killed off. It was my place to receive feedback from readers, but never fear, I went back to e-mails, hopefully becoming easy with the fact that I'm just writing once a week. Of course, whenever anyone sees the name TITO in the name of a Wrestling Column, they see red and feel the need to lash out at moi for my opinions. Oh well.
Looking at tonight's RAW roster, it's pathetic at how watered down is has become. Losing Benoit and Guerrero hurt the show badly, as the midcard now has nobody to really rely on to make some good matches. Why do you think that we are treated to intergender and cheap lingerie matches? Why do you think that many top name wrestlers have to wrestle TWICE in one evening now? It's time to start debuting some new talent, such as Sean O'Haire, who has been wrestling on Heat for a while now, and to possibly pump some life into the Tag Team division. Having the tag champs getting pounded by the now departed Undertaker or the returning Kane isn't the right thing to do, mmmkay?
I mean honestly, this show is just full of guys who are given plenty of chances to succeed, yet they fail every time. Let me see here... Test, Bradshaw, Jeff Hardy, the Big Show, Bubba Ray Dudley, just to name a few. The WWE roster, as a whole, has plenty of young or talented workers to go around, so you know, send them on up to RAW to improve that midcard! Not that there's anything wrong with ladies wrestling in panties, but doing it EVERY WEEK shows that RAW is trying way too hard to gain some attention with such a limited roster.
But at least the Undertaker is off of RAW. Man, I don't know if I could take another Triple H vs. Undertaker MEGAGODDAMNHUGEGIGANTIC main event again. I mean geesh, one guy isn't anything like he was in 2000, while the other one is an old fart who thinks he's only 30 and on his way to the World Title again. What a dumbass! The Undertaker is just sooo old! Ric Flair is, what, 53, roughly ten years older than the Undertaker, and Flair can wrestle a better match today. Hell, Flair carried the Undertaker's broken down ass at Wrestlemania.
I mean honestly, what the fuck was the point of having the 'Taker on Smackdown? Ok, to give Brock Lesnar an opponent. This will work IF AND ONLY IF the Undertaker loses CLEANLY to Brock Lesnar. The gracious Rock raised the bar on putting over talent at Summerslam, so if the Undertaker wanted to show an example to the locker room, as the fearless leader, then he'd put over Lesnar cleanly too. If Lesnar must cheat to win, it will only make him look weak as champion. I bet you'll never see Triple H look weak in a ONE ON ONE match, now will we? Sure, he let RVD beat him tonight, but there's no chance in hell for RVD at Unforgiven or whatever the hell the next WWE Pay Per View is.
But anyway, welcome to The Wrath of Tito. This column is somewhat like the Phat Daily Columns, in that I'll be very sarcastic, I'll stick to my guns, and I won't ever hold back on anything. Of course, with the PDC, I tried to be "professional" as a daily columnist, although I slipped a few naughty words here or there. With The Wrath of Tito, anything goes. If I want to say "Undertaker is an old piece of shit!!!", then I'll gladly do so. Hence, "the wrath of Tito".
Just like A-Wall. YOU GET IT?!?!?!?! A............ WALL????? Man, I miss ripping on that material. If WCW was still around to make fun of, I'm sure I'd still be writing PDCs instead of TWOTs. TWOT sounds like a bad word, oddly enough.
The intros will serve as a rant or to cover anything relevant in professional wrestling, such as Smackdown reviews, Pay Per Views, or just the latest news in professional wrestling. I covered all that I wanted to last week in terms of news and Smackdown, so I just ranted. See, it's that easy. Although with the RAW review, I'll keep it mostly the same old, same old format, but I'll throw in a few screwballs here or there to mess with your heads. Why? Because it's fun to do.
By the way, the "Wrath" is NOT referring to Brian Clarke of KroniK. Man, that was a shitty tag team. Remember their CLASSIC match against the Undertaker and Kane? Remember how long they lasted in the WWE for that match? Remember how the Undertaker was the one who brought those cool guys in? Remember how nothing was done to the Undertaker for doing so? Remember when the Undertaker tore his groin and was out for months? Man, that was a great time...
Man, I'm just tearing a new asshole of the Undertaker tonight. Of course, it's hard to find the Undertaker's asshole with the thick Depends he always wears. I'm telling you, he's one old fart out there, and to think that the WWE insists on having him on top at all times. What a mistake! Millions of dollars lost by not creating new talent!
Oh man. I'll stop while I'm ahead. On to the WRATH OF TITO!!!!!!
Weird of Bubba to dog Triple H in his face backstage. Triple H vs. Bubba Ray Dudley, next week on RAW? Maybe Triple H can join the Intergender tour?
Speaking of that, here we go again... The first match of the night, as the WWE learns nothing from past mistakes, was an Intergender match between Bubba/Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly/Chris Nowinski. Bubba and Trish sure like to tag up anymore. Oh yeah, this is an Intergender TABLES match, as if barbed wire could make this one interesting. Well, it would rip up the ladies' clothes, but that's besides the point. This match wasn't bad, though, but the intergender bouts are just becoming a tired part of RAW. Understand my weak RAW talent roster argument from above? Oh yeah, and the Undertaker sucks.
Booker T vs. William Regal was up next. Total filler match here, with no real interest towards each wrestler since they aren't feuding or associated in the storylines right now. OK match, but nothing special. Booker T won with the scissors kick, reminding everyone that he's in desperate need of a true finisher. Too bad the WWE didn't crown Booker T and Goldust Tag champions right now, or else we would have some interest in the tag division and no need for filler matches involving Booker T, either.
Ackward interview with Shawn Michaels. Not much was said, other than setting up slow revenge by HBK on his clique buddy, Triple H. The WWE nearly showed all of the best clips from the HBK vs. Triple H match before this interview.
Next, it was the top of the hour match between Ric Flair and Triple H. These guys didn't go too hard here, knowing that they had to wrestle a 2nd match later. Please. The WWE should have just let these guys blow off the roof instead of having them dog it so that they have some energy to wrestle later. Triple H got a really quick, out of no where pin on the Nature Boy. Why is Charles Robinson, Little Natch, always the referee in Flair matches? Is it always trying to set up speculation among Flair fans? After the match, an angry Jericho ran down to attack Flair, only to be attacked by his opponent later, Rob Van Dam.
Big Show as a #1 contender... HA! Talk about funny.
Next, it was a handicap match between Lance Storm/Christian and Kane. Christian and Storm are only the Tag Team Champions. No big deal, really. As much as I like Kane, nobody should have an easy time fighting two guys, no matter how much smaller they might seem to you. Kane actually BEAT the World Tag Champions here in this match. Wow. Talk about taking a gigantic shit on your world titles. Does anybody else see the WWE's problem right now with title credibility or the title holders? Test would run down afterward, but get ambushed by Bradshaw. Yay, Kane and Bradshaw taking on the Unamericans. Wow, that would be a great Mtv Heat feud!
When the Big Show was supposed to wrestle Tommy Dreamer, I thought to myself, "oh no, another squash!". Instead, I was pleasantly surprised with Dreamer pounding the living fat out of the Big Show with a chair. Like Rikishi getting beat up by Chris Benoit last week on Smackdown, I was cheering Dreamer on! The fans somewhat popped loudly for this, making me wonder what the WWE has in store for Dreamer right now.
Isn't it always great how Triple H always talks down to Chris Jericho, no matter what?
Next match was supposed to be Crash Holly vs. Jeff Hardy. Earlier in the show, Bischoff got a phone call saying that a RAW wrestler was leaving RAW for Smackdown with exact revenge on a family member. I actually assumed it was Jeff Hardy, as did Bischoff, who had Jamal and Rosie (the Island Boys) kill Jeff Hardy. That darn Crash would announce that he's the one leaving RAW for Smackdown. That's good for him, especially if he aims for Smackdown's Cruiserweight division, in my opinion. He could be a nice addition there. Too bad Crash hasn't been on RAW in a long time for this announcement to matter more than it should, but that's the WWE to blame.
Terri vs. Stacy Keibler was up next in a Lingerie and Pillow Fight match. Wow, I've seen it all. Terri almost has a good 20 years on Stacy Keibler. Scary. Crappy match and Jerry Lawler was acting too much like he stole my time machine and went back to 1998 or 1999 to announce this match. Get with the times WWE and Jerry Lawler. Get with the times.
The last match was Triple H/Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair/Rob Van Dam. Good match overall, although nothing mindblowing since two of the wrestlers were tired from wrestling before. The right ending happened, too, with RVD pinning Triple H. Triple H was in need of a face opponent to wrestle at Unforgiven, and Rob Van Dam seems like a perfect fit.
LAST WORD: Man, what a weak show this week. RAW seriously needs some better wrestlers or more wrestlers, because the guys who are there just can't carry an entertaining show. The main event was the only standout match, and even that wasn't too spectacular. Everything else was either decent or WAY below average. This show gets a
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@That's all for the first edition of the Wrath of Tito. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll be back next Tuesday to rip on RAW some more! Now won't that be so much fun??!?
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.