Welcome to another wonderful edition of the WRATH OF TITO. Did you miss me? Ah yes, I'm all moved in here at graduate school, and Tuesdays will be the only days you'll be seeing me. I'm sure that's music to some people's ears, but I don't care.
What a great opening week for the NFL! Nothing but fun in nearly every game, with some great offense, finishes, and some controversy. It's a blast, and it comes after several arguments and a proposed strike date in Major League Baseball. The NFL is the BEST sports league to watch, as the league thinks about creating a level playing field in their league, while baseball loves the top few teams and talks about contracting it's weaker teams who have no chance to compete. It's going to be seriously hard to watch RAW, as I'm doing a LIVE column today, with the Steelers vs. Patriots game on.
This is my only chance to say this, but on September 11th, 2002, I will remember the sad events of that day last year. I can remember coming home after a class, as I was in a math class while the planes crash into the World Trade Centers and while both towards collapsed (the class ran from 8:00 am until 10:00 pm EST, and nobody had an idea what happened yet). I was coming home after that class, only to hear on the radio that the Trade Centers were gone?!? I briefly checked out the news, which wasn't showing the towers getting hit or collapsing yet, and went on and tried to write the Phat Daily Column that day. I knew that some sort of attack had happened on the towers, but I didn't see footage of it yet. I opened the column like this:
"Welcome to an unfortunate edition of the Phat Daily Column. I say unfortunate because of the sickening terrorist attack that has occurred in New York City and Washington DC. If you don't know what's going on, please tune into CNN, FOX News, or any other news channel. It doesn't look good, and I don't really feel like writing this column with the events unfolding. "
You can read the rest of the column by Clicking Here. After writing a very shortened column, I went in and watched what happened on the television, and when the towers collapsed, my jaw felt like it dropped to the ground. I've never witnessed anything that tragic or sickening in my life. It halted everything in America, as it should have, and nobody will ever forget the events of that day. It even affected wrestling, as the Smackdown tapings were delayed that day to have a live edition of Smackdown. Despite a few strange things said by the McMahons, the WWE handled the tragedy well just 2 days after it happened.
And here we are, a year later after it happened. We're more aware about our own safety, it has sparked some American pride in those who didn't have it before, and it made our country stronger as a whole. I wish the best to those who lost loved ones in the tragedy or to anyone possibly fighting in the military overseas in the war against terrorism.
Ok, getting back on track here. It's funny how the WWE is hyping the Chuck and Billy marriage as something big, as they are hyping it in the news papers, radio, and even on television. Hell, some big media people are picking up on this, such as the great show, Pardon the Interruption, which agreed with me in that the WWE is desperate for ratings. Michael Wilbon(sp?) was smart in his comments, in saying that wrestling won't be saved by this, as they'll just become popular again, say in 3 years.
The funniest part is what the media outlets are picking up on. Every place is reporting that both Billy and Chuck are actually straight in real life, as if anything in wrestling is fake. I'm curious to see how big this rating for Smackdown becomes because of this ONE event. However, some UPN networks might decide against airing Smackdown because of it's controversial content. I'm sure some parents might not want their children witnessing the "union", either. It's hard to say how successful it is, but if it fails to draw some good interest, it can only hurt the WWE in the long run, especially if it causes any problems with UPN.
My stance on the situation is that it's only being done for shock value for a few shows and won't do anything in the long run. But for the WWE, they need to grow the balls to admit that it's a homosexual wedding. They keep avoiding words like "marriage" or even the word "homosexual", yet they hype on their Parental Website (parents.wwe.com) that a storyline will have a "same sex relationship" in it and it may be "provocative". Please. Especially the marriage part, as Chuck Palumbo didn't even say "will you marry me" on Thursday. Grow some sack, WWE.
Of course, with the weak shows the WWE has been putting on lately, they apparently don't have any balls at all. On to the wrath!
The show starts off with Kane/Bradshaw versus Christian/Lance Storm for the tag titles. Nice of the WWE to let Kane use his Forceable Entry theme, you know, the theme that wasn't on the American or special CDs. Yay, another face push for Bradshaw. How many months, this time, before he's back on Sunday Night Heat? It's very funny to hear Bradshaw using cheap heat methods to get a face pop. Damn, I love that Unamericans entrance theme. E-mail me if you know where I can find a CLEAR version of it. I wonder if Lance Storm would ever have the guts to post a commentary on how he's a standing punching bag for Bradshaw and Kane in this match. I DARE him! The crowd seems bored already on Bradshaw's offensive spurt, and they pop for some of Kane's stuff in that ring. I guess that tells you something about Bradshaw, eh? The thing I notice with Kane, though, is that his arms seem a few inches smaller than before. That probably made fans question that, although I don't know why. I used to laugh at how people said that the Ultimate Warrior was a different person, despite Jim Hellwig always talking the same in his promos. Nice of Jim Ross to blow off the "Canada Sucks" chants, as if they were Unamerican chants. Some drama building here at the end, with the fans chanting USA. I bet the WWE idiots backstage will translate that into "oh, Bradshaw is over, let's continue his push". Another Test run in, however, this was different. Bradshaw avoided the Testboot, only to get cracked by William Regal, who had brass knuckles. Wow, that's a role that may work for Regal, for the moment. Thank God Kane and Bradshaw didn't win those titles, especially after turning Booker T/Goldust down for a run.
Eric Bischoff, a good reason to still watch RAW, comes out and answers the critics about Triple H winning the World Title. #1 Contendership 4 way: Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam. Wow, that's proof of how watered down the RAW roster is. Show and Hardy have no right even being there. Didn't both guys get embarrassed last week? DIRTY, and I mean DIRTY advertising method by the WWE by having Eric Bischoff talking about the Chuck and Billy wedding. That's pathetic. HOT LESBIAN ACTION?!?!?!?! That was the response to the homosexual wedding, I guess. Seeing Jerry Lawler mark out for that shows exactly what's wrong with the WWE right now: some acts are getting really stale.
I'm surprised no parental groups have ever barked at WWE's usage of the word "assclown" with Chris Jericho. Hey, Jericho was eating apples and then spitting them at Terri. Hey Terri....HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES?!?!?
Triple H shaved looks like the old Triple H and the Game Triple H just had a same-sex relationship and produced a kid. Bubba Ray Dudley comes in, announces that Triple H has a HARD match with Spike Dudley. Bubba wants in on it, but Triple H turns him down. I wonder what these confrontations are leading to? Steven Richards is very under-utilized on this show. He could be a great heel if the WWE gave him more time to develop.
Steven Richards vs. Bubba Ray Dudley was next. Get Jerry Lawler the fuck off this show. He's a HORRIBLE announcer now, and he doesn't give two shits about Richards or Dudley to call the match. DEVASTATING chops by Bubba when Richards was in the Tree of Woe. I miss Dusty Rhodes announcing on that. "OH, HE'S TIED TO THE TREE OF WOE!!! LOOK OUT!!!" Both guys are giving some effort here, and that's a shame, given the recent absence of Richards on RAW and the poor commentating by Lawler. You see, the crowd only cares for one spot with Bubba, and that's to get the freakin' tables. Notice how quiet they are for the rest of the match. Ross is actually doing a good job here, trying to put over this match, while Lawler is being a dickhead. EXCELLENT finish to the match, with Richards fighting the Bubba Bomb from the top, only to eventually take a powerbomb from the top. The show immediately went back to Kiebler and Victoria stretching, only fueling Lawler a little more.
Next, it was HOT LESBIAN ACTION between Kiebler//Victoria vs. Stratus/Terri. If they had balls, they'd make some of these ladies kiss if they want it to be HOT LESBIAN ACTION. Remember one time on the Man Show when they went on the streets and paid women to kiss each other? Now that was entertaining. Get Victoria some better tights, if you could... It's HOT LESBIAN ACTION in the form of a bad wrestling match. If you want Lesbian action, have these ladies wrestle in whipped cream or something? No need to pose it as a wrestling match with 2 ladies who barely have any wrestling training. Victoria has some shades of being a good women's wrestler, but who knows if she can improve under RAW's stupid match set ups. Victoria and Trish are working well in that ring, although not munching on carpet like it was hyped to be, HOT LESBIAN ACTION. Trish and Terri win, hugging afterward, but not showing anything in the realm of HOT LESBIAN ACTION. King said he was "disappointed".
Intense segment with Chris Nowinski and William Regal. The Unamericans change for Regal is already coming off well.
Chris Nowinski comes down in street clothes, and got on the mic. Argh, cheap heat with college comparisons. Hell yeah, Tommy Dreamer interrupted him! Dreamer is seriously the man right now. Brawling occurs, Nowinski eventually gets the cane for some Singapore madness. Dreamer with the cane now. OUCH! Nowinski runs away, and Dreamer is left there alone.
Spike Dudley is backstage, and two probably hired strippers are in front of a door labeled "Lesbians". Oh, so the Women's tag match wasn't the real Lesbian action? I should start paying attention to the goofy things that are said. Let's stop this desperation act, please.
Triple H vs. Spike Dudley was next. Spike Dudley has had his shares of title shots against world champions, hasn't he? Remember his brief feud with Austin? Oh wait, Ross just said it's a "NON TITLE" match. Maybe Spike will be motivated to win after seeing some lesbians kissing? As much as I criticize Triple H, at least he's giving Spike a fight early on. Bradshaw/Kane did nothing for Storm or Christian earlier. Well, so much for saying that a few minutes ago. Triple H is just dragging this squash out. Wow, Triple H beat him with a sleeper. Wow, he's just like Brutus Beefcake now. He knows how to use his political influence, just like Beefcake, to go to the top. It's a hard sell to have Bubba feuding with Triple H.
Jeff Hady looks so stupid with all of that face paint. Man, not only can't he paint himself well, but he can't talk as well. He's SOOOOOOOOOOO deserving of that World Title.
Big Show looks worse than Jeff Hardy! I wonder if the WWE would ever properly introduce who Johnny the Bull.
LOL @ Goldust playing Kane! Hahahaha. Kane's voice is so clear now... Amazing. Funny segment here with Bradshaw, Booker T, Goldust, and Kane.
Next, it's Goldust/Booker T vs. William Regal/Test. Regal is already in a match and in the feud for the Unamericans. This new stable war isn't so bad, but I might just be talking on a bias after seeing that last funny segment. It looks it. Fans seem to be in it, although they've been chanting "USA" for the good ol' cheap heat factor. Hot tag match, but it ended with a DQ run in. This is at least setting up what could be a decent stable war, and it seems to be over with fans. It should be able to work, and hopefully, it will help elevate some talent in the long run.
HOT LESBIAN ACTION is next, and I figured it would be the 3:00 thingy with the Island Boyz. Eric Bischoff said "as much as it would be fun for me" in regards to when the ladies were hitting on Bisch. Bischoff is great in this segment. This is as XXX as it gets in the WWE. Funny touch with Lawler having the binoculars. I bet this segment may generate large ratings, but man, it's in very bad taste with the violent beatdown. That opening kick was so nasty! That Island Boy didn't let up on that body splash. Poor strippers won't be able to dance tomorrow night.
Our next match was Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam. Ever wanted to see what the Ultimate Warrior would look like if he was on drugs? There it is (Jeff Hardy). Ah, RVD is whoring himself for Lugz tonight. Shame on him. Early referee bump, which led for an excuse for the Big Show to lose. You mean that someone like RVD couldn't get a pin on him??? Of course not. Big Show cleaned house afterward, making sure that all 3 of the other wrestlers are a peg below him in Vince McMahon's mind. Commercial break hurt the ability to actually care for this main event. Jericho and RVD remain. Wow, that wasn't hard to predict. At least that makes sense, other than booking Big Show and Hardy in this match. Nasty looking belly-to-back on RVD. OUCH! Jericho and RVD are at least making this match watchable right now. Why not just do Jericho vs. RVD? Fuck it, do a Ladder Match? Sure, it's an overdone gimmick, but Hardy and Big Show are so worthless right now. Triple H is out, admiring the 2 possible wrestlers he'll defeat at Unforgiven. RVD won cleanly, and Triple H acts like it's going to be a hard fight for him. Uh huh, like RVD seriously has a chance to beat Triple H.
LAST WORD: Wow, I write a whole lot more when I'm writing the column live. While this show was an improvement from the last 2 weeks, there were several problems with this show. First and foremost, Jerry Lawler is a fucking douchebag. He's horrible on commentary, as he doesn't give 2 shits about anybody below the main event status or of the female gender. Sure, it's ok to be horny, but don't overdo it to the point where it hurts the whole product. In this case, Lawler ruined more than half of the show with his HLA crap. Secondly, the Lesbian angle was out of pure desperation, and you will only gain short term interest, IF THAT, by doing it. Also, why do the Spike vs. Triple H match? A sleeper hold?!? The Women's tag match was very sloppy. And finally, why put the Big Show and Jeff Hardy in there, after they were attacked by the Island Boyz already or were squashed or embarrassed on previous shows. They don't deserve the #1 contender's shot. My grade on this show is a
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@Back next Tuesday with my lovely weekly column. Until then, go find some better HOT LESBIAN ACTION on the internet somewhere. No need to rely on the WWE for your cravings.
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.