Welcome to the Wrath of Tito. Today, we'll look at Smackdown and a few other points. My reviews, yesterday, were well received, namely the Hardy Boyz book review. Yes, I apologized yesterday for my vicious comments in the past about Jeff Hardy. Reading into his head made me realize what a dick I was about criticizing him, and I wish, now, Jeff Hardy nothing but the best, and Matt Hardy, now, is one of my favorite wrestlers on the roster (if he wasn't before).
I will NOT, however, discuss anything regarding Rush Limbaugh, whose controversial comments about Donovan McNabb are just dominating the news headlines today. You can't avoid it! Besides, my head hurts for as much as I've debated this on various message boards, therefore, I don't want to discuss it any further. I try hard to keep social and political issues out of my column, even though it occasionally slips every once and a while. I've actually thought about making a website with commentaries about that stuff, but I don't have all the time in the world (wish I did).
RAW rating came in and it's a 3.4. RVD vs. Christian, the ladder match, drew around a 3.3 in the final quarter and a 3.6 in the overrun. I told you that if the ratings are low, I can guarantee who will get blamed: Christian and RVD. Triple H left this roster in shambles. He has beaten and embarrassed most of the top or upper midcard guys, so when they try to put on a main event, and it was a very fun ladder match to watch, it received low ratings. Goldberg's not drawing as champion because his opponent already destroyed the rest of the promotion before handing off the title for a vacation. In theory, Mark Henry is actually a great opponent for Goldberg, for Triple H hasn't shit on him recently and he's still new to the roster. That's pretty pathetic to say.
All of the blame, in the WWE, is getting placed on the younger guys or the midcarders. When will anybody in the WWE become man enough to say that HHH, Undertaker, Big Show, Steve Austin, and the McMahons aren't top draws as the main attractions for the shows. Please, someone admit it! They won't, and their own arrogance will cause them to fall just like the AWA and WCW did.
Here's a good one for you. I was talking to a good friend the other day about the XWF houseshow he attended over in Eastern Ohio. He told me this Brian O guy came out and did a "shoot interview" on the WWE. Ever since the WWE became the monopoly in network television, it seems that many other would-be federations are making worthless shoot interviews. WWA did it, NWA-TNA has done it, and so many others who can't compete financially with the WWE. But anyway, I've seen Brian O wrestle before. He rips off many WWE superstar's moves, such as Eddie Guerrero's triple suplex. It's rather funny to see second rate indy fed wrestlers ripping on the WWE, but yet they constantly steal their material. That version of the XWF also had a female commissioner who looked pretty close to Stephanie and acted just like her. Hell, that fed uses WWE replica titles as their titles... I love a good independent show, but some of them need to get real.
Other than the RAW rating, not much news out there. On to the Smackdown review!
Great way to open up the show with the Guerreros. Oh good, Eddie is wrestling Matt Hardy in the opening bout of the night! Should be good... Lots of weardown moves from the get, but I sense things will speed up. I wonder why Matt's arms are all taped up? Very nice spinning armdrag counter. Things are speeding up. Shannon Moore tried run in with the title, but Eddie caught him. Eddie then threw the title to Matt and fooled the referee that Matt Hardy hit Eddie with the title. Then, Chavo ran in and belted Matt while the referee was trying to get the title back to the timekeeper. Eddie continues to lie, cheat, and steal... Decent bout, but started out pretty slowly, although it's better than most matches on WWE TV today.
Best of luck to Bradshaw on his financial book. I wonder if he's tough on new investors just as he's tough on new wrestlers?
Backstage, Cena is talking with Josh Matthews and he says he'll make Kurt Angle stand in his shadow tonight.
Backstage, again, the Guerreros confronts the Guerreros. The Big Show "doesn't like your kind". Oh my! Label Big Show a racist! Maybe the media will get on the media to fire Big Show for his comments! Actually, fire the WWE creative team for making Big Show say that.
Next, it's the APA vs. the Bashams. By the way, I just noticed that it's the long hair and facial hair version of Bradshaw on his book. The Good Ol' Boy Network vs. the Ohio Valley Wrestling guys who will never be used to their full attention. APA working stiff off the get, and poor Bashams will probably be on ice tonight. When will veterans like Bradshaw and Ron Simmons/Faarooq realize that when you make new stars, everybody benefits from the increased business. You'd figure that being the almight financial expert Bradshaw claims to be would make him figure that fact out. Tazz points out that Danny Basham has redmarks on his back from how tough the APA are. Yeah, that's from the APA working stiff on the younger wrestlers. It's total bullshit. Referee bump and Shaniqua helps the Bashams win the match. Afterward, Bradshaw singlehandedly fends off both Bashams and then attacks Shaniqua. Call it "getting their heat back" and this win by the Bashams will forever be an afterthought. See why nobody gets elevated in the WWE with old fucks like Bradshaw and Simmons around?
The A-Train joins Tazz and Cole at ringside. That piece of shite is out here to watch Chris Benoit wrestle Charlie Haas! Could be some good mat wrestling, but I have a feeling this match won't last long. Must be weardown move night. I don't mind mat wrestling, but don't over do it on the holds. You're killing the crowd here, guys. It looks as though the WWE told their wrestlers to take it easy tonight. Before it could get gowing, the A-Train jumped into the match and slapped the Crossface on Benoit. Looks like Benoit taught Albert how to apply the move, for it looks pretty well executed. Boring match, and I didn't expect that from two wrestlers I prefer to watch.
And now, the part of the show were I pack my bags in order to get ready to go home tomorrow... Vince McMahon comes out to the same old and boring theme, No Chance In Hell, and the only positive is that Sable is looking pretty boneable tonight. I swear, I'm convinced that Vince and Sable are fooling around in real life. ZZZZZZZZZ.... Stephanie comes out, looking like complete trash with a low cut shirt to show her grotesque breasts. Give me Sable over her, any day. They talk about their match, but in the process talk about themselves because they equal ratings. Actually, they equal $500 million lost out of Vince McMahon's pocket. Stephanie tries to act in a sorry mode, not wanting to have the match. Kind of hard to do that when your voice cracks up. Maybe get acting lessons from your soon to be husband, HHH? Oh wait, he's only doing his first movie role and that's a bit part. MY BAD. Sable interjects, and Stephanie makes a whore cutdown on her. Yeah, who's screwing a wrestler? I will admit that I laughed out loud when Vince powerslammed Stephanie! That was damn hilarious! The Undertaker would make the save, for it's Boss vs. Top Face 37747467456346. Brock Lesnar tries to help out, but he gets kicked out of the ring. End of pitiful segment, and thank God! No wrestling fan should be subjected to that boredom.
Backstage, Big Show gets a burritos order from a Spanish guy named "Jose". Big Show spits on a burrito, and wants it given to Eddie Guerrero. Gotta love food pranks in wrestling, as if there's nothing better to creatively write about for the wrestlers.
Next match was Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri Where's Ultimo Dragon, already? Since Dragon won't comply to the boring kick, punch, spinebuster, trademark move WWE style, he's kept off television. These two seemed to have more energy than the others, for they didn't quite stay on the mat like the others. If Tajiri wants some heel heat, he should purposely disqualify himself every match with the Tarantula. Tajiri hit a low blow and got the win with the kick to the head. Good little Cruiserweight match, and best match of the night, so far.
Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan was next. Man, talk about some piped in crowd chants. Big Show is hurting from those burritos, because you know, food in storylines equals ratings! You can tell it's a bad squash because the Big Show can still dominate the match, despite being sick. Well, the Big Show was counted out since the Big Show had to run to the bathroom and shit his brains out. Oh man, that was HILARIOUS! Whatever. Get real, WWE. Go spend some top dollar and get some REAL Hollywood writers or let the wrestlers have some input on their characters/storylines, but of course, don't let that get out of hand for the egos backstage.
We now have the honor of seeing Zach Gowen from his home, via satellite. Zach will return to the ring next week. He seemed to hint at a heel turn with Zach saying he was tired of hearing the sympathy for his condition.
Backstage, Eddie is taunting Big Show while he's taking a dump from the burritos. Eddie was behind the whole thing, yipee. The writers in the WWE are terrible, did I ever mention that?
Word life, as John Cena comes to the ring and raps. Not bad, and it was good with the Red, White, and Blow line. His tag team partner is Brock Lesnar. Nice and long entrances, for the WWE has 25 minutes to burn to complete this show. The main event was Brock Lesnar/John Cena vs. Undertaker/Kurt Angle. Funny how Cena and Lesnar had a heated feud a few months ago (albeit shitty blowoff match), and now they are partners. That was a pretty nice one armed slam by the 'Taker. Sloooooowww tag match, until the Undertaker gets a hot tag and erupts the crowd. Cena/Lesnar get the cheap win, and after the match, the Undertaker gets his heat back by chokeslamming Lesnar through a table. Yay, that's NEVER been done before. Somewhat of a drag for a match...
LAST WORD: I hate to say it, but Smackdown has sucked the past 2 weeks, especially with this week's episode. The wrestling wasn't too strong and the storylines were pitiful. The same old guys are put out to look good in the APA and the Undertaker. The Vince vs. Stephanie is a snore, giving burritos to Big Show was stupid, and the good wrestlers must have been told to "dog it", for there wasn't much effort or energy in most of the matches. I hate to do it to my favorite wrestling show/roster, but I give this show a [ D+ ] (D Plus) and that breaks my heart. WWE creative and the McMahons need to be replaced, pronto.
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@That's all for today's column. Just chill till the next episode....