While we're on the subject of this, I want to make a correction from last week's Wrath of Tito. When talking about necrophiliacs, I accidentally said "pedophiliac". This is an honest mistake, as the 2 backyard federations I work with have wrestlers 2 named the NECROPHILIAC and the PEDOPHILIAC. (Those are purely gimmicks by the way) That's where the confusion came, sadly enough. Sorry aboot that. Of course, both a necrophiliac and a pedophile are quite sick in their own right, it really doesn't make a difference as the WWE is getting sick with their storylines.
Thanks to my good friend Krueges for the shout out in his recent column. By the way, check his latest column by CLICKING HERE, which is entitled "Jerry Lawler is a Cheat and a Liar". It's quite a read about his experience trying to get Lawler's autograph in our local area. Krueges also met Chris Benoit one day and had him sign several DVDs of his as well as taking a picture with the Crippler. He better lock up those DVDs the next time I come over for something...
The title situation... Last night, Triple H combined the made-up RAW world title and the Intercontinental Title, meaning there are no more midcard titles in the WWE (aside from Women's and Cruiserweight titles. Wrestlers better lose weight or have a sex change to get into those divisions). Do I have a problem with the IC title disappearing? Not that much. I had a problem with the IC title being on one show, while not on the other. I'm in favor of the WWE creating a midcard title for each show, maybe calling them the RAW title and Smackdown title, or whatever. Remember, Smackdown and RAW are to be treated as two different federations of the WWE. It makes sense to have different titles, instead of what they were trying with the titles jumping back and forth or a travelling champion.
Would creating new titles work? Well, if you saw No Mercy and watch Smackdown, you'll know that those Smackdown tag titles are quite credible through the great tournament it just had. Just do the same for each show, although a RAW tourament for a midcard title could bore you to tears!
"Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweight the needs of the few"
-Captain Spock, "Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan"
Ok, so I'm a Star Trek nut now. So what? But this quote has a purpose. It was aimed at the McMahons, namely the two with heavy creative power, Vince McMahon and Stephanie McMahon. Rumor had it that they LOVED RAW last week, which was arguably one of the worst shows this year. When hearing that rumor, it became very apparent to me that they no longer care about pleasing the fans.
Why? Look, they've made their millions. After having his back to the wall, Vince McMahon took every risk in the book to bring RAW back to the top in 1998. After Vince Russo left, Stephanie took the reigns of the creative team and did a respectable job in the year 2000 to keep the WWE on top. They've did their work, the WWE is still profitable and is still the only successful wrestling promotion in America. No fed is even close to getting on the WWE's level.
Sure, the profits are declining. But they are still profits. Stephanie and Vince probably have really nice homes to relax in and have great lifestyles. So you know, why not sit back and relax. Or even worse, you're rich and powerful. Why not live it up? The WWE wrestlers are contracted to do whatever the WWE wants them to, or they'd be in breach of contract. So say, Vince and Stephanie want to accuse someone of being a drunk driver or a necrophiliac. They can book that wrestler to do it, and Kane is the lucky guy. If Stephanie wants to keep her boyfriend in the spotlight, she'll just have his opponents doing the most ridiculous things. If Vince wants people to KISS HIS ASS, they'll kiss his ass whether they like it or not.
In a way, you sort of have to admire where Stephanie and Vince are right now. They're rich, and their company is still making millions despite all of the declines. They have many wrestlers whom they can control on a weekly basis. I'm sure each and every one of you would LOVE to be in that position.
The response to my question from last week was great. I asked many oldtime WWF fans how the WWF would do if they crowned Ted Dibiase World Champion instead of Macho Man Randy Savage back in 1988. Several of you thought that Ted Dibiase was just one World Title victory away from becoming the WWF's version of Ric Flair. On the other hand, many felt it was the teaming of the Mega-Powers that really hooked them on the WWF.
I personally thought that the Mega-Powers were big during the summer of 1988 and their break up headlined a really good Wrestlemania, in my opinion. Sure, Macho Man's career tanked in the WWF after Wrestlemania 5, but from Wrestlemania 4 until Wrestlemania 5, I thought business was good. Dibiase, well, I thought he was good and his gimmicks to piss off the crowd was good. But carrying the World Title is a completely different matter all together. Of course, another argument is that Macho's career was tanked after Wrestlemania 5 as he was crowned the Macho King and didn't fight any "big" opponents until the Ultimate Warrior in 1991, 2 years after his run as World Champion.
Wrestlemania 5, folks, was big, big business. Would it have been as big with Dibiase there as the champion, maybe against Hulk Hogan? Or would the teaming of Hogan/Savage, leading to a break up where MEGA POWERS COLLIDE be more successful? It's really hard to say...
Enough about the past and on to the present.
After seeing Triple H come out to start the show, it looks like Monday Night Football will get an early boost in viewers. *YAWN* at this Triple H lovefest. Listen to what Triple H is saying... he probably believes it! If he marries Stephanie, we're SOOOOOOOOO fucked. I'd love to see those two break up. I doubt that Vince would want to get rid of his own daughter. Maybe then, Vince would see what a bad worker and asshole Triple H has become. Triple H hypes a video to be shown later, which I pray it's not the spoiler of Triple H screwing Katie Vick's dead body. The WWE can't sink that low. Hurricane tried to run down to attack Triple H, but to no avail.
Jeff Hardy comes down. Less paint though, this week. I guess his latest "date" likes him more natural instead of with all of that make-up on. Chris Harvard comes down, as I wonder how good this match will turn out. Nowinski has the potential, possibly more than any other Tough Enough student, but he needs learn a little more fundamentals that say a Jim Cornette could teach. Somewhat sloppy bout. Al Snow would run down and a chair would get into the match. Eventually, Jeff Hardy would miss a Swanton after Al Snow pulled Nowinski away. Interesting. Jeff Hardy and his lazy ways are finally being used in the right way: elevating other talent. Hardy is wasteful now from the many years of jobbing and being humiliated by the likes of Triple H and the Undertaker.
Big Show and Eric Bischoff confront each other again. 3 on 1 handicap match for the Big Show. Just get rid of the Big Show and eat the $1 million per year for the next 8 years or whatever. Sure, I don't wish anybody to lose their job, but the Big Show has money guaranteed to him, so he'll get his money if he's released. So fuck him. Get rid of that fat, lazy piece of shit before we have to torture ourselves just to watch any of his matches.
#1 Contender's bout for the World Tag Titles: Bubba and Spike Dudley vs. Lance Storm and William Regal. Wow, that's such a comparison to the Smackdown tag team division. It only shows that the RAW roster is much weaker than the Smackdown roster. Lance Storm switched to the classic tights. He looks rather weird, given that he still has his old boots on. I guess it was done to make Regal/Storm as a regular team. I guess Storm is willing to do whatever it takes to look like his partner, unlike Christian and/or Test. Hear those "tables" chants? The Dudley Boys is just what RAW needs to improve the tag division there. The Dudleys, version 2.0, just won the match, meaning they'll fight for the World Tag Titles.
It's good to see Chris Jericho and Christian having some backstage segments together. They heckled Trish Stratus, bringing up how she slept with Vince McMahon. Indeed.
Eric Bischoff: "and I love each and every one of you people too". HAHA! Elimination Chamber? If that's anything like the cage match done in WCW at Uncensored 1996, I'll be furious!
I can't wait for the repush of Bautista on RAW.
Test vs. D'Lo, with Stacy Kiebler as the referee was next. Stacy slapped D'Lo to start, and Kevin Nash 2002 took advantage. Crowd doesn't care about this match; neither do I. The "Get Your Ass Up" yell by D'Lo got some response. Former LoP results guy, Nick Ponton told me about how he went to a WWF taping in Chicago, and during the Heat tapings, D'Lo came out for the opening match to a HUGE pop. Test and Stacy look to be an on screen couple, just like they are screwing each other in real life. Too bad Test lacks the mic skills to be a cocky heel.
Damn, Victoria is back to her lame tights again. Goofy stuff with Booker T and Goldust letting Victoria have it.
Goldust/Trish Stratus/Booker T vs. Victoria/Christian/Chris Jericho was next. Trish's new theme by Lil' Kim totally sucks. I'd LOVE to play that Godzilla game from Atari. Victoria's entrance was the shortest out of all of the competitors here in this match. Solid six person match. Crowd was into the finish, which is good for everyone involved. Dirty Jericho slapped the Walls on Trish. Hmm, having a popular personality like Trish feuding with a bastard like Jericho wouldn't be a bad thing. Victoria would be greatly helped by an association with Jericho and Christian.
LOL! Confidential is going to dog Kelsey Grammer for not letting them use a house for Tough Enough 3 in his neighborhood. Oh BOO HOO! Sorry if he doesn't want a bunch of irresponsible kids running around where he lives.
Oh damn it. We now have the Triple H necrophilia footage. First of all, Triple H is a sick, sick fuck for going through this! Holy shit! He's feeling her up, or at least the dummy. This is garbage. If I didn't have a column to write right now, I'd stop watching. Thank God Smackdown rules the world or I'd completely stop watching this shite. Now, Triple H bangs the Katie dummy and we see weird vignettes of flowers and other things. "I screwed your brains out". Oh my. Lord help us from the abortion known as Triple H and all of the retards who struggle to write anything decent for these shows.
Friday the 13th marathon on TNN? AWESOME!
Singapore cane match here with Tommy Dreamer vs. Al Snow. With those canes, I always wondered why nobody ever tried to sword fight with those. I wish they'd explain why Snow is on RAW, but explanations are hard to find in the WWE these days. The crowd is quiet, acting as though they just saw a ridiculous segment where Triple H acted like he was screwing a dead body. Strange finish, where Nowinski screwed up in helping Snow win the match.
Big Show vs. Rosie, Jamal, and Rico was next. Ugh. Big Show won. What a joke!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Big Show was traded to RAW! AH Son of a Bitch!!! What on God's green earth is the WWE thinking??????
Triple H/Ric Flair vs. Kane/RVD was up next, and it's our main event. King and Ross couldn't stop talking about the angle between Triple H and Kane, instead of calling the match. Hell, Jerry Lawler actually said the WWE had a necrophiliac and a Hulkamaniac, or something like that. Uh huh, good one Jerry. Boring tag match early on, as neither feud lit up the crowd at the Pay Per View. Kane and Triple H go to the backstage and into the parking lot. Triple H was then thrown into Kane's trunk of his car. Jerry Lawler said "Kane is behind the seat of the car! This is awful". It sure is awful!
LAST WORD: Imagine that. Another horrible RAW. What's the streak of bad RAWs, these days? This is absolute garbage, especially anything involving Triple H at this point. I really hope that Viacom steps into this situation and cracks the whip on the WWE to stop this bullshit. The WWE deserves it after this week's sick attempt at creating shock value. I give this show yet another [ D- ] (D minus). Weak wrestling and very bad storylines. Even worse, the Big Show is coming to Smackdown. I guess that the WWE needed an overrated big man to be on the shows since the Undertaker needs time off. Ah, fucking balls! The WWE blows on Monday nights!
Check out Willygoat Xtreme Wrestling and the Valley Wrestling Federation. Two great backyard feds.
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@Oh man, it's so great to have both of the WWE's $10 million underachievers on ONE show! Maybe they'll tag up and go after Benoit and Angle's tag titles! Please. Smackdown was the only brightspot the WWE had. I hope the likes of ALL of the Cruiserweights, John Cena, and maybe even the Sensational Seven (Mysterio, Chavo, Eddie, Angle, Benoit, Brock, and Edge). Oh, maybe we'll get to see Brock and the Big Show headline a Pay Per View. Stupid WWE. It's good to be a millionaire in a business where there is no competition, eh?
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.