It's ECW Day! That's right, for those of you who enjoy Extreme Championship Wreslting, this is your column. If not...well, how about trying ECW on TNN some night if you are furious with your "big 2". Besides, only 3 more shows remain on TNN, so let's start the countdown.... Hopefully, the judicial system will actually work, although delayed, and ECW can land on USA Networks to FINALLY be properly promoted. Well, let's get into some FINE POINTS before we go Extreme with ECW on TNN.
It's time for some ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLER JAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, why the hell would I recap a show more FAKE than wrestling? It's time for ECW on TNN baby!
I just want to say this for TNN as a whole. Besides ECW and the Dallas reruns, this network totally sucks! The new shows, the crappy other sports, and reruns of the other past shows are absolute garbage! Poor WWF for trying to jumpstart this piece of crap! But hey, they did do UPN some good.....
ECW! ECW! Joey Styles and Joel Gertner are in the ring. Hello everyone, welcome to ECW! We are at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. I'm Joey Styles...and WELL, WELL, WELL.... It is I, the man for whom she begs, the bacon between her eggs, the man between her legs.. Joel... He said a really long one here, which was too difficult to recap. Something about nailing her in Times Square... Cyrus arrives, as this is the first time in a while he's been here as the "Network". Hot crowd in NYC this week. Cyrus proclaims that ECW is cancelled on TNN. Crowd chants: USA! USA! USA!
Cyrus asks if Gertner wants to fight the Network. Cyrus says that Gertner does NOT have the guts, and that everyone has "bent over" for the Network. ECW has bent over for TNN for the past year. Gertner is pissed off, bigtime! However, Paul E. Dangerously comes out of no where and NAILS Cyrus with a glass container! Crowd is marking out! However. Rhino charges in, kicks Paul E., referee Danny Daniels and Cyrus set up a table, and he spears Paul E. into that very table. Damn!! Singles Kronic just killed him! Cyrus brags about what happened, and rips on the NYC crowd. Damn it's a great crowd! Some moron took it seriously from the crowd, and those large security guards kill him. Rhino did spear one of the cops who rushed the ring. Many wrestlers run in now, and it's a rumble!!!! They are supposed to be attacking the Network, but they are fighting each other.
My Name is KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID Kash comes out, as he is supposed to fight Rhino. Enter Sandman hits, as we will now have the LONG entrance by the Sandman. Ring is clearing out, with Rhino and Kid Kash fighting.
Match #1: Rhino vs. Kid Kash
Rhino has Kash in the corner. Rhino is like Goldberg and Kronic's lovechild in terms of style. Sandman slowly makes it to the ring... Rhino is still making Kash his bitch in the corner. Cane shot! Cane Shot! Cane shot! Cane Shot Cane Shot! Cane Shot! However, Rhino no-sells as usual, and spears Sandman. Please. I told you , singles Kronic! Rhino is on the outside, brawling with Sandman, and Kid Kash then jumps on him from the ring! Rhino no sells that, and throws Kash in the ring. Frankensteiner for Rhino, but he no sells that too! Spear! Re....spect Rob Van Dam hits the ring, and BAM, Van Daminator for Rhino! VAN TERMINATOR BABY!!! BAM, if Rhino no sells that, I'm not watching any more of this show! Kash to the top. RVD to the top. 5 Star splash-leg drop combo, 1, 2, 3! NEW ECW Television Champ!
Winner: Kid Kash, via Screwjob, with RVD's help
Whooo! A great television champion baby!!! But I thought that was RVD's belt? The whole purpose was for RVD to get back his precious belt from Rhino? I guess those plans have been railed, as let's hope RVD FINALLY goes after the World Title. Lord knows Justin Credible can't make us suffer any longer!
Hotline: Former ECW champ on his way back to ECW? Update on Survivor characters. Goldberg going berzerk in WCW's locker room? Extreme Revolution promo now shown. I can't find that video anywhere!
1Wrasslin.com Extreme Replay of what Paul E. and Rhino did. Also, the Kid Kash victory!
COMMERCIAL: Um, a replay of what we just saw and then cut to commercial? Let's hope these producing inefficiencies are delt with at USA.
Sinister Minister, Mikey Whipwreck, and Tajiri in Times Square doing their usual craziness. Possibly, my 3 favorite guys in ECW now. This skits get more messed up by the week!
COMMERCIAL: Again, short segment, and a commercial! AHHH!
Still to come tonight: Guido/Tony Mamaluke vs. Tajiri/Mikey. Blue Boy and Jasmine St. Claire come down. Words don't express how proud I am of the Blue Boy. Wow, Jasmine is wearing a VERY short dress. Isn't that a T-shirt? Ballz Mahoney comes down. Don't go away!
COMMERCIAL: I'm really hoping for a 20 minute straight finish tonight, or grades will be bad.
Ballz Mahoney vs. Blue Boy
This is Blue Boy's first ECW on TNN "wrestling" match on this held back show. Ballz hasn't been on this show for a while. Ballz starts off with his crowd punches. WOOOOOOO, BALLZ! Hip tosses blocked. More Ballz punches. Blue Boy in the corner, elbow, and he then clotheslines Ballz off the top. 1, 2, kickout! Body slam, and then corkscrew elbow? 2 count only. Slam, but 2 count only for da Boy. No sells of punches by Ballz, and then a reversal in the corner with a a lariat by Ballz. "Ball Breaker" by Ballz. 2 count only. New Jersey Jam by Ballz, but Jasmine has the ref distracted. Ballz kisses Jasmine, SCHOOLBOY! 2 count only. Clothesline by Boy. 2 Count only. Superkick by Ballz. 2 count only. Ballz KILLS Blue Boy with a chair, 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Ballz, clean win, via chairshot
Ballz destroys Jasmine with the Nutcracker Sweet to prove another example of why violence of women has gone WAY TOO FAR!
The Dreamer/Lynn vs. Kash/RVD tag match from Hardcore TV was shown...again...clips of it I mean. The Lynn/Dreamer vs. Credible/Rhino match is shown from last week's ECW on TNN, where Lynn got the CLEAN win. Clips of Lynn vs. CW Anderson on this week's Hardcore TV are shown. I hate clips of stuff.
Some looney thing in ECW NY(a bar I guess), with some bald guys brawling. Cursing and other stuff is going on. I have no idea what this was? Tag Match is next between the FBI and Tajiri/Mikey!
ECWwrasslin.com is sponsoring ****HOT and EXCLUSIVE**** pics of Jasmine St. Claire. Gee, they are acting like those kiddie sites again. Upcoming Events is shown. Remember when ECW used to show those 3 damn times a night? ARGH!!!
Next Week! Credible vs. Corino!!!
Match #3: Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri vs. Tony Mamaluke/Little Guido
If FBI loses, Tony Mamaluke must leave the FBI. By the way, Tajiri's visa is struggling, so guess who wins this match? Playing the crowd at first.... Mikey and Tony starting off. Lock up, reversals in the corner, and they break. Lock up again, headlock by Tony, kick by Mikey, hip toss by Mikey, arm scissors by Tony. Reversed suplex, and Tony hits a German suplex. Reversal, and an awesome spinning move by Mikey! Nice! Guido and Tajiri are tagged in! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! *MARKS OUT* Guido slaps Tajiri. Reversals with wrestling holds, and then Tajiri kicks him! More reversals. Snap mare by Tajiri, schoolboy by Tajiri, 1 count only. Both are still standing. Guido gets the advantage, and tags in Tony. Tajiri kicks Tony, and then another REALLY HARD. Mikey in now, and a double spinebuster on Tony! Double leg drop into the nuts on Tony too. Tony gets a stun gun, and then held into a piledriver position by Mikey while Tajiri dropkicks. Guido tries to attack, but gets kicked. Double dropkicks, double STFs, Double bow and arrows! Tajiri hits an Asai moonsault on the FBI outside. Table into the ring now, with a chair too. Holy shit! Tajiri dropkicked the end of the table into Guido. Big Sal tries to get some, but he gets jacked. Mikey jumps on the FBI outside. Tajiri hits Sal with the chair. Tony thrown over the railing, and Guido is in the ring alone now! Kick by Tajiri, with Guido now in the Tree of Woe. Baseball slide to the face, and then Mikey comes off the top with a chair. Good God! Mikey is pounding Guido now, he puts a chair on top of Guido and hits him with another chair! OUCH! Guido now gets some payback with a chair to Mikey. Guido tags in Tony, as Tony proves why WCW is kinda stupid. Dropkick to Mikey, DDT on Mikey, 2 count only. Double belly to belly suplex from the top on Mikey. 2 count only. Reversals, and Mikey hits a Tilt a whirl stun gun! HOLY SHIT!!! Now that was an innovative move! Tajiri in, reversal, and he handspring elbows Guido. Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, and then a drop kick into the table on Guido. Chairshot to Tony on the ropes, and then Mikey gives Tony a whipper snapper through a table on the outside!! Big Sal in the ring, gets the myst, but Sal is still able to give a tough kick to Tajiri. "Kiss of Death" from Guido, 1, 2, 3. NEW CHAMPS!
Winners: Guido and Tony Mamaluke, via screwjob, from a rough Big Sal kick/Kiss of Death
Canadian tour hype by ECWwrasslin' .com. Upcoming events shown, and hype for next week shown as well. Holy cow, what a main event!
I'm also thrilled with Kid Kash at television champ, as he deserves it with his great effort lately. Rhino needs to stop acting like his parents, Bill Goldberg and Kronic, and start to "try" to look vulnerable. 5 hard ass cane shots should NOT be no sold. Nice to see the Blue Boy wrestling again, same with Ballz.
The main event capped off a decent show though. With that being said, I'm going to give this show a
4. Jerry Lynn- You could say that his win from last week carries on to this week. Great win again!
3. Tajiri- I know I'm going to be suffering without my weekly installment of the Japanese Buzzsaw everyweek.
2. Kid Kash- Yeah, sure he had help to win the TV title, but hey, it's the only real singles accomplishment on television this week. Besides, he deserves the title, and his good work ethic gives him a Jackson 5 spot.
1. Rob Van Dam- Just putting the television title on Kid Kash means that RVD will finally get his due and possibly go after the world. However, Lynn and Corino are getting shots? RVD vs. Kid Kash 2? Hopefully. Get Rhino out of the TV title picture and into something where he can learn to get out of his shell known as "Singles Kronic".
WRESTLEPALOOZA AUDIO SHOW!!
@Now ain't that a peach? I'll be back tomorrow with some kind of column, as the "Show of the Week" award is in trouble now without Smackdown to contend with. See you tomorrow!
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Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.