Match #1: Tajiri/Whipwreck vs. Julio/EZ Money
Tajiri starts off pounding Julio in the corner, or whatever his name is. He takes a few shots at EZ, and then spits the green myst in some blond guy's face! Yipee! Mikey knocks that blond onto the ground, and Tajiri kills EZ with a chair. Mikey off the top, and both Mikey and Tajiri give this weird flipping move to Julio, and then a double brainbuster! 1, 2, 3!
Winners: Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck, clean win, via double brainbuster
ECW on TNN intro. Joey Styles and Joel Gertner in the ring. Joel Gertner: Joel "I had my toes sucked at Statan Island, I got a back rub out in Queens, I was with this blond chick out in the Bronx, she was barely out of her late teens, double the pleasure and double the fun out in Brooklyn with these twins named Candy and Connie, but the best piece of ass was here in Manhattan, when I was looking for hooker with Mayor Julioni(sp?)" Gertner.
Styles introduces Steve Cornino, who has Billy Corgan with him. Where's the rest of the Pumpkins at? Corgan, by the way, is walking to the ring with Corino and playing his ring music at the same time. Very nice. Styles congrats Corino for his #1 contendership. Steve said he didn't kiss anybody's ass, and he can now perform here in NY City. He talks about cheating to pin New Jack, Dusty Rhodes, and Tommy Dreamer, but he won't apologize. Corino will NOT apologize when he scores a pinfall over Justin 'the game' Credible. Lou E. Dangerously comes down to start some shit. Why? Cause he used to be a Dudley. Lou E. wants Styles/Gertner out of the ring, but they refuse until Corino suggests for them to leave. Millennium's answer to Milli Vanilli ----> Says Lou E. to Corgan. Lou E. threatens to kick everyone's asses, because he's THAT extreme. Lou E. challenges both guys, but Justin Credible comes down because he's that damn good. Corino is down, but Corgan has the cane and attacks Credible. However, Lou E. had the cell phone from Hell, and nailed Corgan. Justin Credible cuts his usual, boring promo "that's not the coolest, or just the worst ECW champ ever!"
COMMERCIAL.
ECW hotline- ECW injury report, Hulk Hogan may be returning to the ring(New Japan), stars of Survivor wrestling? ECW Extreme Revolution promo. Why the hell is everything by ECW called 'revolution'? Are they possessed by John Lennon?
COMMERCIAL.
RhinoFrancine and her two midgets comes down with her worthless man, Justin Credible. Credible is the Game-uhhhh, I don't think so! Wow, Credible has water. How ironic of his Kliq buddy. Sandman and Chilly Willy are ready to come down.
COMMERCIAL.
Match #2: Rhino/Justin Credible vs. Sandman/Chilly Willy
Long entrance by Sandman, as usual! Spear by Rhino on Willy, Superkick by Credible on Snadman. Table coming into the ring, and put into the corner. Candman attacks everyone withe Cane though, which Rhino fucking no-sells! Sandman is then slammed into the table by Rhino. 2 count only. Piledriver by Rhino on Sandman, 1, 2, 3!
Winners: Credible and Rhino, clean win, via Piledriver from hell
COMMERCIAL
Simon, Swinger, and CW Anderson come down. God, they SUCK! Swinger and Simon beat Chetti/Nova before this. Road Kill and Danny Doring come down.
Match #3: Simon/Swinger vs. Road Kill/Danny Doring
Brawl to start, punches here, throw over the top rope there. Body slam by Road Kill on Simon. Odd leaping stuff from Doring on all 3 morons. Road Kill and Doring hit the Lancaster Lariat for no cover. Reversal, and CW attacks Doring. Swinger baseball slides him, and Doring is hurt. Road Kill goes after CW cause he hates Horsemen....well, just CW. Cool version of the side Russion leg sweep by Swinger on Dorning. Double flatliner now on Doring, and we get a double snap suplex, and a face buster by Swinger. Double WAM BAM Thank You Ma'am. Road Kill now in, and hits a nice slam on Simon. Same with Simon. Springboard double clothesline by Road Kill. The Amish Warrior! Face slam by Road Kill on Simon. Road Kill is pushed off the top and into a table by Swinger. CW comes in, and accidentally hits Simon. Doring's finisher is blocked, and Swinger comes in and helps Simon to hit a 'problem solver'. 1, 2, 3
Winners: Swinger and Simon, clean win, via Problem Solver
They show a local bar or something, and Balls Mahoney is there partying.
Match #4: Tommy Dreamer/Jerry Lynn vs. Rhino/Justin Credible
Rhino thrown into the guardrail by Dreamer. Brawl to the crowd, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! ECW has repetitive brawls to the outside with Dreamer. Lynn and Credible in the ring. Spinning DDT by Lynn. No cover, thanks to Miss Herpes! Lynn spanks Francine, and my brother loves it! Superkick by Credible as Lynn tries to cradle piledrive Francine. Dreamer DDTs Credible, but gets speared by Bryan Adams Brian Clark Rhino. Dreamer takes the usual table piledriver. Spike Dudley comes in and nails Rhino with a cane. Acid Drop, again, another drug reference in wrestlng(ugh), by Spike Dudley on Rhino. However, Aldo Montoya is there with a "That's Incredible" on Spike. Lynn kicks Credible, reversals on some Tombstones, and then Jerry Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver on Credible, and we get a clean win baby!!! No chance for Lynn to get the world title now. So sad.
Winners: Lynn and Dreamner, clean win, via Cradle Piledriver
ECW Upcoming Events promo is shown.
COMMERCIAL
Match #5: Swinger and Simon vs. Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck vs. Tommy Dreamer/Jerry Lynn for the World Tag Titles
Dreamer is in a neck brace by the way... Hardcore TV highlights of Dreamer/Lynn vs. RVD/Kid Kash. Lynn, Simon, and Tajri start. Fuck this will be hard to recap. Simon tripped up, Tajiri and Lynn chop each other. Counters here and there. Frankensteiner by Tajiri. Tilt a whirl by Lynn. Simon gets headscissors by Lynn. Mikey in now, and laughs away! Swinger in, with Dreamer too. Swinger tries to flex, but he gets dropped. Double headlock. Mikey and Swinger lose that one. Swinger and Mikey doubleteam Dreamer, but Dreamer doubleclotheslines them! Pier 6 brawl now, some on the outside, some in the crowd, and some in the ring. Tajiri is stuffing a chair on Dreamer. Ouch! Lynn and Simon in the ring, and Lynn gives him a Bow and Arrow. Ouch. Tajiri and Lynn kick Simon, and hard! Everyone in the ring now, and Simon/Swinger are in the tree of woe. Chairs set up by their faces. Doubledropkicks for both! Good God!!! Both Dreamer and Tajri have T-Rantulas on their respective opponents. Swinger hits some cheap moves. Swinger and Simon take some tornado DDTs by Mikey and Lynn. 2 counts only. Failed whippersnapper by Mikey, DDT by Dreamer. HOLY SHIT, CW Anderson took Dreamer to the outside and gave him one of the hardest Chairshots I've ever seen!!!!!! OUCH!!! Problem Solver on Dreamer, and he's out! Dreamer/Lynn are eliminated, as they should be after that Chairshot. Mikey holds Simon, and Tajiri kicks him so hard. Swing Thing for Tajiri, and Double Flatliner for Mikey. 2 Count only. Tajiri kicks Anderson. Swinger puts Tajiri on his shoulders, and Simon gets on top of the ropes for a Doomsday Device. However, Tajiri mysts Simon!!! German Suplex for Swinger, and top-rope whippersnapper by Mikey! 1, 2, 3!
Winners: Mikey Whipwreck and Tajiri, your NEW ECW Tag Champs!
ECW faces comes out to celebrate for the new champs. Tajiri/Whipwreck vs. FBI for next week, for the Tag Titles!
Of course, I knew the spoilers of this event(as I reported them last week), so you could say a bias is here. However, I enjoyed each of the matches. Anything with Dreamer, Lynn, Mikey, or Tajiri was fantastic. Other matches were good too. Just straight action and no bullshit by ECW this week, hence an
A few commercial breaks were rather misplaced this week though.
4. Tommy Dreamer- Tommy Dreamer wrestled well in this tag team tournament, selling every move like a bitch, and not just that lethal chairshot by CW.
3. Mikey Whipwreck- Why not? His career is revitalized with the Sinister Minister, and now he's got some gold!
2. Tajiri- For the love of God, get this man a green card for his great wrestling lately. Of course, you must earn it in some way and not by spitting green myst and giving Octopuses and T-Rantulas to ECW wrestlers. Great tag team performance this week by Tajiri.
1. Jerry Lynn- Clean win over Justin Credible this week in the Tag Tourney earns him this top spot. Wow, you mean to tell me that ECW had Credible lose a match cleanly? Good God.
@That's all for today's column. I'll be back, hopefully, tomorrow with the Show of the Week. So until then, just chill till the next episode!
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Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.