Welcome to yet another feared edition of the Phat Daily Column. Today, we go by the book and discuss the latest in professional wrestling and then hype tonight's edition of Smackdown, which by the way, is spoiler-free for your convenience. I'm basically just ripping on WWE.com's preview, if you didn't notice by now.
I caught Celebrity Boxing 2 or whatever it's called last night... God, that was just awful. Speaking of awful, Joanie Laurer or Chyna lost to Joey Buttafucco. I'm convinced that FOX officials told Buttafucco to take it easy on Chyna, given the fact that he kept backing off when he could have just pounded Laurer into the ground several times. I LOVED it how Buttafucco played the heel of the match, tossing Chyna down two times. After the match, Chyna yelled at Joey for his actions, as if that made any difference in the true outcome of the match.
Laurer was smaller than ever for the bout, as she was listed at 170 pounds. Damn. She was 200 during her last run in the WWF! Looks like her bulkish figure wasn't getting her many Hollywood jobs, so she decided to trim her figure to maybe get more offers. Yeah, like that will matter. With her voice and bad facial expressions, who the hell would hire a now more skinnier Laurer? The answer, NOBODY!
With Joey Buttafucco, I thought of two things. First, it was Jim Carrey's impersonation on the skit show In Living Color. Yeah, you remember him repeatedly saying "JOEY BUTTAFUCCO OVER HERE!!!". Secondly, I remember "Joey Buttawhipe-o" on Beavis and Butthead. Speaking of this, it's a damn shame that Amy Fischer couldn't convince parole officers to let her fight Tonya Harding at the first event of this. That would have been a GREAT fight.
Funny thing about the Laurer-Buttafucco fight was that Laurer challenged Buttafucco to a WRESTLING match. HA! Yeah right. First off, Chyna can't even professionally wrestling correctly, let alone actual amateur wrestling. Also, Buttafucco is from the streets, and from the mini attacks he had on Chyna, you can tell he has been in many fights in his lifetime. Buttafucco would mop the floor with her now brown hair, no doubt.
And since we are in the Celebrity boxing mood, I laughed at the Manute Bol (sp?) versus William Perry bout. The Fridge was tired from the opening bell, and it was damn impossible for him to even land a punch on Bol. Bol's money was actually going to a good cause, while all of the other celebrities are just doing it for the money since they'll sink low at any cost. I liked seeing Screech make lightwork or Horshack.
Enough about Celebrity boxing. Chyna sucks, WE ALL KNOW THAT, so on to the PDC already.
-Damn it, Chris Benoit's return has now been pushed back to July. That's so unfair... Well, I don't really care that much. I'd rather have a Benoit at 100% than one under that with any possibility of getting injured. I'm glad, though, that someone has figured out that he'd be better off CARRYING the RAW product instead of being lost in the fold at the Smackdown product. How will they explain it? Of course, through trading, as Flair has experience working with Benoit to know how valuable he is. But we'll see.
-Vince Russo is writing a book on the WWE or WWF? HAHAHAHA!!! That book, alone, might turn out the be the funniest piece of written material in the history of mankind. Of course, though, it could be an excellent read if he gives his own perspective or his own experiences on what happened from 1997 until 1999 as one of the top writers of the WWF. Then, it would be a good book. It all depends on what kind of mindset Russo was in when he wrote the thing, and lately, he's been rather insane.
-Man, I'm just itching for Rey Mysterio Jr.'s debut in the WWE. Like I've said before, seeing him on a weekly basis in WCW made everyone take his talent for granted. When he first debuted, everyone was just shocked at his ability. As the years went by, everyone was used to him by now. Mysterio in a NEW environment will be great, and he should give a jumpstart to the already dead Cruiserweight division. Hopefully, Shannon Moore and Jaime Noble, who are also on their way to the WWE for the division, will add even more interest to the division. I don't really have much to say if any of them will be the ones sending Hurricane letters...
Of course, when Mysterio joins, they'll have him wrestle 2 minute matches just so the Smackdown returning Hulk Hogan can have more on air time, despite LOSING viewers. Yeah, 1998 fans aren't too familiar with why Hogan had a big impact in professional wrestling, remember?
Kurt Angle will debut his new bald look. I hope the crowd keeps up the "You're Bald" chants during his theme music. Angle is such a great heel right now, and he's playing the crowd so well. He's the best thing in the WWE, and he should be the heel with the Undisputed Title right now, NOT the Undertaker. I'd love it if Kurt Angle would go after Hulk Hogan next, being that both are now bald. Of course, that would NOT work because Angle's promos would actually get him cheers against Hogan. "You know something brother" would not work against "It's true, it's true".
WWE.com is hyping more fallout between Triple H and Chris Jericho over their Hell in the Cell match. Whatever. Like Triple H will EVER give Jericho the time of the day at a Pay Per View to consider putting him over. Look at Kurt Angle. He had no problems putting Edge over, and he'd do it over and over again if asked. Triple H is banging Stephanie, and he's so paranoid to lose his political stance in the WWE that he'll make others look bad at the expense of the overall product. What's wrong with a heel cheating to win a Pay Per View match, huh? Triple H will never let that happen against Chris Jericho. NEVER!
No matches announced for Smackdown on the preview, given probably that the guys over at WWE.com tend to get really lazy anymore. Much like the writers of the WWE!
AOL Instant Messenger: BookerTito - It's recommended that you send your questions or feedback as your first message so that it could be answered, instead of saying "hi", "hey", "what's up" or whatever else. Just get to the point, please, to make it easier since I get drilled with messages.
WRESTLEPALOOZA.com - Audio Show, Columns, News, and more!
The Backyard Wrestling Link - Links to many backyard federations and more!
KOLTERSHOCK!!! - A site that you shouldn't view with small children present!
X-Entertainment.com - One of the most entertaining pages on the net!
@That's it. Tomorrow, I shall return with the latest wrestling discussion and some Smackdown hype. Until then, why not chill?
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.