Welcome back to the Phat Daily Column. Backlash went down last night, as it made everything at Wrestlemania now worthless, and things should carry over for Monday Night RAW. Oh yeah, WCW has a show on tonight too as they will be DOOMED in the ratings war this week. David Arquette....I still can't believe that garbage. Anyway, on to the PDC.

WWF

-Wow, let's just ignore what happened at Wrestlemania and call Backlash "Wrestlemania in disguise" for Rock winning the title there. I hope this title win ends a lot of e-mails asking when the Rock will win it. Ever since Wrestlemania 15, I've had nothing but "when will the Rock win the title", and so forth. He won it, and I was correct about Stone Cold helping the Rock win the title! I'm wondering if Stone Cold will start his feud with McMahon all over again. Oh no, not a 3rd time!

-Hey, I went 6-3 this time around in my wonderful predictions. I didn't like how Bull/Bossman and T&A defeated two of the best tag teams in the world. Now THAT's ridiculous. I don't know why the WWF is so aimed at pushing Bull/Bossman as they are clearly Heat/Jakked wrestlers. The WWF just doesn't see it I guess. As for T&A, maybe pump in gallons of charisma, and maybe then they could be decent. I also missed Hardcore match, which is probably decided with a drawing out of a hat. Crash is 733764625 time hardcore champ. Congrats.

-Wow, only one title change happened. That's shocking, considering the World was the only one that changed. I was a little disappointed with the ending of Benoit-Jericho. DQ finish...argh..but hey, if it makes Benoit a great IC champ and helps elevate Jericho to the top again, it works for me. How about Dean Malenko? He destroyed Scotty with that top rope DDT. OUCH, that had to really hurt! The Eddie Guerrero thing is getting out of hand. Prom on a Sunday Night? His match showed that they need to build up Essa Rios's character much more with that week crowd reaction going down.

-Hehe, did you see Trish Stratus, Test, and Albert running across the ring entrance backstage when Eddie and Chyna came out? Oh God, someone will pay for that. Also, the WWF kindly played the Hardy Boyz music for Crash's win. I'm sure the McMahons will have some nice chats with some people this morning.

-RAW tonight should basically rub off of this show bigtime, with the restart of the Stone Cold vs. Vince feud. Don't doubt that he could pull an instant swerve on the Rock though. Also, don't doubt that Jericho COULD win the IC title from Benoit. Those are just mild predictions. I'm sure we'll get a wonderful opening interview...oh no, here comes a parody!!!

*NO CHANCE IN HELL music starts playing, Vince, Triple H, Stephanie, the Stooges, and Shane come out*

Vince: You know something, I have balls the size of grapefruits. Last night, Triple H did not lose. My son in Law did not lose. My opponent at a pay per view did not lose. The guy I went after in 1994/1995 cause WCW didn't know his potential didn't lose. The guy I made the scapegoat for the incident at Madison Square Garden, where Triple H came out to celebrate with Hall and Nash, who were leaving that night, didn't lose. So what I'm saying is...he didn't lose.

Triple H: That's right. I did NOT lose to the Rock last night. My God, you fans suck! Stop calling Stephanie a slut!! I pay her good money! Anyway, I did NOT lose last night. I am the Game-uhh. I am just that damn good. For Rock and Stone Cold to screw me out of the title is ridiculous! Rock, get your Ass out here!!

Shane: Wait up Triple H! He only accepts challenges when you put up something on the line. I'll tell you what Rock. If you come out here at this instant, I'll have the Stooges jump you. OOPS, I mean if you come out here, we talk man to man about something....I don't know, get out here cause the Wrestling Script says so!

*ROCK's Music Plays*

Rock: Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to WhereverRAWisTonight!!! Do you smell what the Rock is cooking Jabronies. How about a glass of shut up juice. Know your role and shut your mouth. Take those microphones, turn them sideways and stick them up your candyasses.

Shane: Whoa, slow down Rock.

Rock: What's your name? IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!! I will send you to the SMACKDOWN HOTEL. I will kick your Roody Poo Candyasses! They are all chanting my name...

Vince: Since I'm not understanding this mumbling by the Rock, how about a title rematch? Since we are dominating the ratings cause WCW can only put the World Title on lower-end movie stars, we can do whatever the hell we want. REMATCH tonight!

*Glass Shatters! It's Stone Cold!*

Stone Cold: If you missed me, give me a hell yeah! *gets louder pop than the Rock* Vince, you stupid son of a bitch.

(After lots of back and forth between Stone Cold and Vince, Rock and Stone Cold rush to the ring and clean house. This should be at least 25 minutes...maybe more).

WCW

-OH MY GOD, David Arquette will be at Nitro this week, and he's at the booking mercy of Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff. Yeah, he'll probably end up being a Pimp or a salesman. Also, Kanyon and DDP's lives are supposed to become a living hell now. Oh god, how? Make them get hit by guitar shots by Jarrett? Yeah, that is hell to work with an idiot like him. Just get the damn belt off Arquette as soon as possible please. -Oh joy, Norman Smiley will unveil his Mystery Partner at WCW. Now watch, it will be Brian Knobbs. I'd truly laugh if it ended up being Sabu...no wait, I'd be on the floor laughing if WCW tried that one. Hey, more money to ECW which means they wouldn't have so many commercials on their television shows. Norman, along with his new partner.....wait, I know it! Let me rephrase this. Norman Smiley with his mystery partner and brother Crash Smiley get to take on Crowbar tonight. Just him?

-Also tonight, WCW will fill you in on the COMPLETE SLAMBOREE CARD. Oh boy, more reasons to avoid this pay per view. Joy joy joy!

-The Millionaires' club and the New Blood will continue their war this week, which means instant ratings, right? Also, what will Hogan be feeling like tonight after Awesome and Kidman beat his ass last week? Oh God, the unselling and stiff shot giving Kronic is going after Vince Russo. Now that's excitement! Hey, maybe the Package and Flair will save the day! Nah, at their ages, the stiff shots by two big oafs isn't worth it.

-Gee, the WCW.com Nitro preview made no mention of the Vampiro vs. Sting feud. Gee, something went down...maybe one of those wrestlers backed out of it. That's not good at all.

@That's it for this wonderful edition of the Phat Daily Column. Enjoy your Monday Night shows, and just chill till the next episode! To enter the Backyard BBQ, click Here.

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