Be sure to send in your comedic or witty one liners or two liners about wrestling. When sending them in, be sure to put "SHOUTS!" in your subject line, and if I use yours, I'll gladly credit you in tomorrow's column. If you need an example of what I'm looking for, Click Here for last week's Shouts!

My gosh, we are soon to have a one federation rule in the wrestling industry. Never in a million years would I think to see the day when that happened. Last night, the 2nd to last Nitro aired, reminding us that the next Nitro will be the last on Turner stations. "The Night of Champions", or so it says, will send WCW off in a hopeful direction so that a cable company or a buyer can pick this federation up. Wrestling is the best with competition. WCW is in this trouble because they no longer knew how to compete.

I apologize for the e-mail lately. I'm only on the computer a select few times a day since I'm at home. So if you expected a speedy reply, you better think again. Things will go back to normal on March 26th, when I unfortunately have to return to school. At least there, I'll have a more powerful computer at my fingertips. When I return to school, I plan on revamping Phat Pharm to allow more writers!

Well anyway, I have a lot to cover before this Compaq decides to crash, so on to the PDC.

Note from Tito: I picked up WWF Hardcore, the new WWF tape covering the history of the Hardcore division, at Sam Goody the other day. Expect a review on that tape very soon.


-WCW Nitro-

Here's a good question... why do you need a long interview to set up a contract signing for a match next Monday. Can't you just do it the first time around? In the second segment, Eric Bischoff got on the phone and announced that next week will be the "Night of Champions", and he revealed that his side of the negotiations have failed to strike a deal with Time Warner. Time Warner, by the way, are just total bastards about this whole deal. Since negotiations have stalled, they basically said "fuck you" to Fusient by ditching WCW off their television stations. As Booker T went to sign the contract, he saw Ric Flair and Scott Steiner with a lead pipe. Now why on earth would you even dare to sign a contract with nuts like that around? Duh! Booker T came back, though, and their match next week should be good. I hope WCW puts Booker T out on top.

Holy shit, EZ Money Jason Jett looks better by the week. Did you notice how easy he dropped Disqo on his back for his finisher? Disco has a bad back, still, that's why. Jett's improving vastly as a wrestler, which is too bad because the second he gets good TV time, the federation closes. Go figure!

Way to job there Billy Kidman! Now he can go on radio stations and claim how Hulk Hogan ruined his life. Shane Helms continues to wrestle strong for WCW, which is one of the few appreciated young talents in the federation. Looks like he'll be facing Chavo next Monday, and the Filthy Animals will get a rematch against Kid Romeo/Elix Skipper. We've got some good matches lined up thus far.

Oh my God, Bam Bam Bigelow wins in a rematch against Perfectshawn Stasiak to set up yet another match at next week's Nitro. Damn it! By the way, Stasiak has a pretty good entrance, now, which is funny because the company is going down the tubes. So why give him a new entrance? Boy, I can't wait to see my first ever "tattoo match". What a creative mind Joh

MI Smooth sucks so bad! I never liked him as the Ice Train, nor do I care to see him now. Kanyon couldn't even work with Smooth during this match, and that's scary. Even better, Smooth has to wrestle again later that night for the Chunder tapings. Boy, I can't wait to see that.

Rick Steiner vs. Konnan was the WORST match I've ever seen. I'm declaring it right now. WORST MATCH EVER!!!!!!! I've seen some rotten ones, too, going from the final days of the AWA, final days of World Class, Global Wrestling federation, the horrible early 1990s of WCW, and the middle days of the WWF. I've seen a lot of matches, and nothing was as horrible as what Konnan and Rick Steiner put on. The best part was when Konnan went for the Rolling Thunder, and since Rick Steiner sucks so bad and got out of position, Konnan had to back up to his the clothesline. It was soo sick to hear Hudson and Shiavone trying to put this match over. Sick, sick, sick. This match gets a -***** (negative 5 stars) based on the ratings system in my book. Yuck! The run ins afterward were as ridiculous as the match.

Good match, of course, by Lance Storm/Mike Awesome vs. Shawn O'Haire/Chuck Palumbo, again. Each performer is good enough to put on a good tag match, which says something. These 4 guys could easily make a great singles division, if somebody in the back got their finger out of their ass and decided to think for a second. I hope we see a rematch next week on Nitro for the Titles, since Team Canada won this "non title" match.

And then the 1980s finish..... Yes, I say 1980s finish, because it was so stupid that only the corny bookers of the 1980s would think of it. Since Johnny Ace is the head booker of WCW, well then, you know why this stupid "white ass" angle happened. It was garbage, and I'm insulted as a wrestling fan for watching it. It's crap like this which makes me cheer on the closing of WCW.

Nitro Phat Stats

Matches: 6
Clean Wins: 3
Screwjobs: 2
Disqualifications: 1
No Contests: 0

LAST WORD: You know, tonight's Nitro showed exactly why WCW is probably going to get shut down completely. While it had some well worked matches, like the Storm/Awesome vs. O'Haire/Palumbo match and the Cruiserweight matches, it also had some total bullshit segments like the booking of Konnan vs. Rick Steiner and the White Ass at the end. I can't believe that nobody from Time Warner or any of the bookers backstage can see their pathetic faults. Their blind ways have led to this what could have been great company to be in ruins right now. The negatives outweighed the positives, so


for this week's show. It's funny how WCW can embarrass themselves on the way out too. It just seemed like the effort was lost during the second hour, which makes me wonder how bad the Thunder tapings went. *runs* I predict a very bad second hour rating of 1.8 for the 2nd to last edition of WCW Nitro.


RAW starts off with a match (!!!), which is Raven vs. the Big Show for the dreaded Hardcore Title. Bad hardcore match, as usual, but Raven won the title thanks to the help of Kane. I bet you that Kane wins that Hardcore title from Raven in the upcoming weeks, because nobody wants to see just a regular Kane vs. Big Show match. They need something stupid, like hitting each other with weapons, to make the match a good laugh.

Next, we had a good interview from Shane McMahon. Notice I said "good". Stephanie came out to confront Shane, and then Vince and Trish to sign the match at Wrestlemania. That should be a classic, especially with Shane bumping hard for his father! Triple H later attacked Shane, thus showing that Stephanie was EVIL and was siding with her father. Ok McMahons, how about we keep Shane as a face against you. If you turn him on your side again, everyone will just know what a joke your storylines concerning evil McMahon scheme truly are. Don't you find it funny, though, that the McMahons start hogging TV time when Wrestlemania rolls around? Shane was later pounded in his limo, with Vince hitting a WEAK chairshot on his son. How many people want to bet me that we'll see a Shane/Undertaker vs. Vince/Triple H match soon?

Interesting turn of events during the Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boyz Tag Title match. Rhino, who is still called that, came out and screwed the Hardy Boyz out of their titles. But that wouldn't be the only ECW wrestler showing up... During the Edge/Christian vs. Dudley Boyz match signed later on in the evening, Spike Dudley made his WWF debut by giving the Acid Drop to Christian, and helping the Dudley Boyz win the World titles for the 3rd time! But you know what the REAL comedy is? When D'Von and Buh Buh formed their team back in ECW, they brutally attacked Spike. I'm talking a beatdown of a lifetime! Well, I guess that can be forgotten, though, since it was 4 years ago in another federation. Heyman said that Rhino was the "last ever ECW Champion", and with Spike, he said he would NOT leave ECW until it was officially closed. Well, by what happened last night, you can finally say the nail is in ECW's coffin. Expect Tommy Dreamer to eventually come to the WWF sometime soon, as well.

Nice of the Rock to ruin the ever-so important Tazz vs. Steven Richards match (sarcasm). Isn't it funny about how big of contenders both Tazz and Richards were in ECW during early 1997? Anyway, the Rock cut a promo, and some of the crowd booed! HAHA! The crowd wasn't too thrilled with the People's Chump anyway, as someone had a sign that said "FUCK YOU ROCK" during the main event match. That's why most of the match is shown from an in-ring view, by the way.

Damn, I wish the WWF would have given better effort to how the Test vs. Triple H match went. They could have put on a great match, but instead, it was used as a way to get Triple H vs. Undertaker over. Eddie Guerrero laid down a challenge at WWF NY, later in the evening, to Test for the European Title, despite already jobbing to Test on Smackdown. It's a good addition to Wrestlemania, at least.

Wow, what a waste Grandmaster Sex-ay/Steve Blackman vs. Justin Credible/X-Pac was. Notice how loud the boos were for Credible/Xpac/Albert when they came down (sarcasm). Place your bets on the wrestlers remaining after the Spring Cleaning cuts occur.

Boy, it was nice of Chris Jericho to piss in William Regal's tea. Next week, he'll cream in Vince's coffee! Seriously, what the hell kind of stupid booking is this? It's about as bad as when Kurt Angle threw cookies and milk on the Undertaker's motorcycle to generate heat. Geesh.

Chyna returned, but not that many people seemed to care. Well, I care, because I have my hopes on Chyna winning the Women's title, and then defending it as an evil heel against the likes of Lita or Molly Holly.

Good main event with William Regal/Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Rock/Chris Jericho. Before the match, the seeds of the Angle vs. Benoit match at Wrestlemania were indeed planted, with some disagreeing backstage. I marked out when Angle and Benoit slapped both of their submission holds on the Rock at once. Before the match, when they were arguing over their holds, I thought "why not slap both of your holds on the Rock at once?" I got what I wanted. :)

Even better, the heels won the match, which is logical since it was a handicap match, remember? The Rock only threw 10 punches during the match, and because of that, he performed better than usual. Wow, what a difference this column can make! However, I was pissed off at the end of this match, though. Angle, Benoit, and Regal are just kicking the shit out of the Rock on the ground. Then, once Austin arrives, the Rock hops onto his feet, like he wasn't getting kicked, and just starts swinging away. If you taped RAW, please watch that again and see how ridiculous that truly was. He just hopped right up and didn't acknowledge that 3 guys just laid their boots into him. Rock, I know you played Superman on Saturday Night Live once, but that doesn't mean you should play that in the ring. He should have at least staggered around, and hit a ballshot or two on his way up; NOT just jump up out of no where and start punching. As I predicted, the Rock hit the Rock Bottom on Austin on RAW. I bet it happens again on Smackdown.

RAW Phat Stats

Matches: 7
Clean Wins: 0
Screwjobs: 5
Disqualifications: 0
No Contests: 0

LAST WORD: Weird Phat Stats from last night... hmmmm... This show was an Up and Down show, but the downs aren't as embarrassing as the downs from Nitro. The ECW debuts were good, to me, but to a fan who hasn't seen ECW, they are probably clueless about what they just saw. Main event was strong again, which is starting to be a trademark of the WWF television shows now. Good. All around good show, with a few bad spots. It gets an


for this week's show. Had a few segments been thrown out or redone, then a second A+ in a row would have been given. We'll go 4.5 in the first hour.

MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Rock/Chris Jericho vs. William Regal/Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle


Make sure you check out the latest Wrestle Palooza Audio Show for Bill, "Shooter" Shawn, Dr. Krueges, and myself just ranting about the wrestling world. We do a nice tribute to the final days of WCW, along with some nice shooting on the current status of the WWF. So CLICK HERE to listen to the show! Keep in mind that the Audio Show is giving away a Wrestlemania care package, which you could win by listening to the show and answering Wrestlemania Trivia.

LoP T-Shirts: NEW STUFF IN STOCK! Mouse Pads, Sweat Shirts, Coffee Mugs, more T-Shirts, Baby Doll shirts, and more! Also, you can now order via Credit Card!

Backyard BBQ: The Best in Backyard Wrestling!


@That's all for today's lovely edition. I'll be back tomorrow with Ratings Analysis, your Shouts!, and whatever else. Just chill till the next Phat Daily Column.

Phat Pharm: BRAND NEW "Unspoken Word" to Read, so CLICK HERE!!!!!!!

Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.

Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to LordsofPain.net

Personally, I liked the XFL promo on RAW last night. It was well done, and to the point that the players are playing hard. Yes, it was done to beg fans to start watching, but it was very well done. Now if they could put effort like that into everything, and not just the corny "sports entertainment" parts of their football.

The UPN game scored a 1.4 in the overnights, which should generate into a terrible number for that game. The game occurred when the NCAA games were over! Not good whatsoever. (Observer)

I hope to have all of the Official XFL Ratings tomorrow..........