Na na na na, na na na na, Hey hey hey, Good bye. That's what we could shout for WCW, as they had their last Pay Per View last night. Sure, there's that slim chance somebody will actually lower themselves to Time Warner's demands on the sale, but it's highly unlikely. WCW tried to go out with a bang last night; notice the word trying.

Today, I have SOOOOO much in store for you. On the WWF side, we have Mtv Heat to laugh at review and we also have RAW to hype, and on the WCW side, we'll go through the last WCW Pay Per View and the 2nd to last Nitro preview. Finally, we'll review Chyna's book, If They Only Knew. Where else can you get this much in one day?

NO WHERE! On to the PDC.

WCW

-Greed-

Oh my God, Booker T won the US title. So WCW will close in style then, without having the has been Rick Steiner as the US Champ. If WCW continues, Booker T will now defend that US title. Can we say depushed? Bischoff never took a liking to Booker T, besides the midcard where he shined in the TV title division.

Shane Helms FINALLY defeated Chavo to become the Cruiserweight champion. Helms better develop an attitude, and quick, because this little dancin' kid act he pulls will get old quick. You see Too Cool these days? You gotta give Chavo Guerrero credit for making the Cruiserweight title dignified once again. Chavo was a great, fighting champ.

Very much to my surprise, Kid Romeo and Elix Skipper won the Cruiserweight Tag Titles. I did NOT anticipate that, for I felt that Rey-Rey and Billy "I want a push but I refuse to bulk up" Kidman were going to win for rejoining the Cruiserweight division. I was wrong. Romeo are Skipper are a tough team, and let's hope that the Jung Dragons go right after them again for another spectacular match.

Shawn Stasiak won as anticipated, which will definitely free up Bam Bam Bigelow to go wherever he wants. WCW was going to cut him loose, but they figured he could be used to put over the improving Shawn Stasiak.

Holy shit! Mike Awesome/Lance Storm defeated the joke of a combination in Konnan/Hugh Morrus. I thought for sure that Team Losers from 1996 would lose the match, but Team Canada pulled through. For the last 3 shows, WCW, could you at least TRY to push Awesome and Storm? Pretty please?

Another wow with Chuck Palumbo and Shawn O'Haire retaining the titles. It was a squash too. I suppose Buff was still having neck problems, or something. That, or Lex Luger complained about jobbing for the past 3 weeks.

Scott Steiner retained, much to nobody's surprise, but he's a rightful champion. Too bad he can't fight or feud with Bill Goldberg again, or at least Booker T, the NEW US Champ. Argh.

-Nitro Hype-

Since this is the 2nd to last week of WCW programming, why not go all out? I'm talking some of the wildest matches booked, and title shots out the ass! Also, why not just let the younger guys wrestle for the whole show? Seriously. We'll roll the dice and see if Bischoff's favoring of older wrestlers is actually better or not.

Or better yet, just use this Nitro to advertise the FINAL NITRO EVER, which is the Spring Break Nitro on March 26th. Advertise the hell out of it, and generate interest to spike a decent rating. That way, it would give WCW a better chance for a new buyer or a new television company.

But I'm sure we'll see the same old, same old. Johnny Ace will continue to prove what a lame booker he is, and Rick Steiner will most likely gain his US title back or start a feud with Scott Steiner. SMELL THE RATINGS!

WWF

-Sunday Night Heat-

Whoa. Crash won the Lightweight title last night. I'm shocked. I'm amazed! Rumors have been swirling about a possible Crash vs. Dean match at Wrestlemania, but like Eddie and Benoit, this may have been shoved up too. Geesh. This feud MIGHT not be over, but I doubt it with the WWF these days.

Isn't it funny to see Raven and Steven Richards working with each other now? Amazing. Anyway, that's for the ECW marks, and the Raven vs. Val Venis match wasn't all that bad. Neither guy really has much direction in the WWF now, and the second they show some direction, the carpet is pulled from under them. At least both wrestlers are on their proper show......

What a waste that interview with Xpac, Justin Credible, and Prince Albert was. What a waste of a group they are, while we're at it.

It was indeed fun to watch Chris Benoit pound on Haku. I hope the WWF knows that the joke is over, and that they could now dispose of Haku quickly. He won't mean shit to the long run well being of the company.

Bah. I'll give it a generous B- (B minus) for this week's show. Kaientai are only funny sometimes.

-RAW is WAR Hype-

With two weeks to go until Wrestlemania, people don't really seem to care. That's an honest thing to say, because there isn't much buzz about this year's Superbowl of Professional Wrestling. There aren't anybody quite getting off on the idea of Austin vs. the Rock at Wrestlemania.

Tonight, expect about 50 minutes of Vince McMahon segments, at least.

Observer mentioned that Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle has been officially booked for Wrestlemania, so look for that feud to start up. They will fight for the right in being the better whipping boy for Austin and the Rock. I really hope they steal the show from Austin/Rock.

Speaking of Austin/Rock.... expect the Rock to hit two Rock Bottoms this week on Stone Cold Steve Austin. Rock took two stunners, so it's only appropriate for Austin to take two of Rock's finishers. Happy Happy... Joy Joy.

Expect more evil stuff from Triple H and the Undertaker, to keep up their feud. I can't wait to see how well Triple H can carry the Undertaker to a match, at Wrestlemania no less. Will the 'Taker no sell the Game?

I bet we'll see the WWF hype up Kane vs. Big Show. I don't quite think Vince McMahon got the memo on this match not generating crowd heat.

Also, we could see the return of Chyna, to hype her feud with Ivory. Oh, and speaking of Chyna................

Mr. Tito's Phat Book Review

Finally, the Chyna book review! This one was a long time coming, too, as I got this book in the middle of February. It's been collecting dust ever since then, and thanks to Spring Break, I was able to read it, finally. So without further a do, I bring to you my Chyna book review. Enjoy.

(Photo of book courtesy of Amazon.com)

Chyna: If They Only Knew

"Don't treat me like a woman, don't treat me like a man..." You know, I actually cracked a mean joke about that phrase, and I took a nice chunk of e-mails for that. Anyway, I was heading into this book, looking for a vast source of personal information on Chyna. I wanted to know how she got into wrestling, and I wanted to know the juicy details of her personal life. Hey, it's an autobiography (with a little help from a co-author), so it's either put up or shut up.

First of all, this was the easiest book to read out of all the wrestling biographies I've read. Simple words, large print, nicely spaced out. Very easy read for little children, if they want to read about their role model, Chyna. OH WAIT! Chyna curses like a truck driver in this book, so it's highly suggestive to keep this book away from little children. She also discusses some of her sexual encounters, and so forth. So while it's an easy read, it should be geared more toward adults for its content.

The organization of the book? I liked it until the end, where she was just getting off track on certain events. It started out with an "accident" that changed her life, and then it went through her childhood, career before wrestling, how she got into wrestling, and then her early WWF stuff with the being just some events she went through. So it's pretty good on organization, until the end, which we'll get into more detail in a moment.

The surprises? Well, there's nothing really about her Childhood that you didn't hear on a talk show or whatever else. The only new stuff was her entry into wrestling and then into the WWF, which was the book's obvious peak. I didn't quite know her training, which was with Killer Kowalski. She just KILLS Kowalski, and exposes everything about his wrestling training. No wonder Kowalski is fuming right now after the book came out! I liked how she got into the WWF, too, which is something you should read into. She worked without a contract for a bit, and something shocking almost happened to where Chyna would have ended up somewhere else instead of the WWF. I'll leave you to read about that.

So if you were just a casual fan, you would totally enjoy this book. However, if you've heard all of the interviews with Chyna that have been done so far with Leno, Mtv, or whatever else, you know her life story. In fact, she left a lot out that she revealed in talk shows in her book. It's like she knew a certain crowd already saw or heard of all of her experiences. Still, I thought she should have put more detail into why her mother and her dad/many stepfathers were giving her a hard time. She just gave very broad details about her family, unlike the interviews.

From the wrestling standpoint, she explains everything well until her early days in the WWF. She failed to mention her times in DX, the angle with Triple H at Wrestlemania 15, and the Kat angle. Those were big, big angles for Chyna, which led to the Intercontinental title win she discussed in good detail. The Triple H/Wrestlemania 15 angle was a big deal, too, as she dumped Triple H for the Corporation, and then fooled Kane to think Chyna loved him. The DX stuff was very important too, since she was a big part of that as anybody. What about her big mini-Royal Rumble win over Vince McMahon in January of 1999?

Personal things she left out? She NEVER discussed where she picked up weightlifting from. NEVER! That's an important part if you say you were in the Miss Fitness competition or Weightlifting competitions. She left it out completely, and I was disturbed about that. Also, the reconstructive Jaw surgery to make her look more like a lady. Before, she had a very thick chin, and in developing her character more, she had it reshaped. She made NO mention of this, and in fact, there aren't many past WWF pictures of Chyna included within the book. What are we here, ashamed of the past? Another was Steroids. She said so herself, on Howard Stern's show, that she experimented with Steroids. In this book, she denies ever even taking them, ever! How can you write one thing, and admit to something on the radio? It doesn't make sense.

She also had an off the wall comment about Bill Goldberg. Something about not being worth much since he was pushed too fast too soon, which is true. However, there was no need to take a shot at Goldberg, despite loving the man Goldberg hates (Triple H). It was out of place, totally. Now I did like her ripping of Joan River's daughter, along with Diane Keaton during the Leno interview. I remember that Jay Leno appearance, too. Keaton acted like she was really shocked to see such a physically fit lady. Another problem was that she said she was harassed, threatened, and tormented in her early WWF days, but she only listed a few things. If you are going to make a claim about your early days within the WWF, you might as well include each reason why she might have been treated badly.

LAST WORD: This book is a very smooth read, but it has a lot of inconsistancies and important events left out. That's not good when you are reporting the story of your life to the world. But it was a very, very easy read, and that holds up well in court. A few good facts about her early wrestling career can be derived from this book, and along with the ease of reading this, I'll give it a

B-

(B minus) in my gradebook. This book is recommended to those who are in love with Chyna, or those who haven't listened to any Chyna interviews and would want to know about her. But if you've seen or heard the interviews, and you hate a little stroke of Chyna's ego, avoid this book completely.

It just seemed as though Chyna was doing a quick thing to promote her image or something. Who knows, but the B-minus stands. :)

TITO'S BIOGRAPHY RANKING
1. Mick Foley: Have a Nice Day
2.DDP: Positively Page
3. Bill Goldberg: I'm Next
4. Chyna: If They Only Knew
5. The Rock: The Rock Says.....

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    Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to LordsofPain.net


    Scores

    Orlando Rage: 6
    Los Angeles Xtreme: 31
    ESPN recap

    San Francisco Demons: 19
    Chicago Enforcers: 25
    ESPN recap

    Wow, the Xtreme manhandled the Orlando Rage, the only remaining undefeated team. Good all around effort from Los Angeles to finally give a loss to the Rage. Tommy Maddux had a good game, along with the Xtreme defense to finish Orlando off.

    John Avery ran the ball down the Demons' throats, helping Chicago to win against the playoff hopeful San Francisco.

    Standings

    EAST
    Orlando Rage: 6-1
    NY/NJ Hitmen: 3-4
    Chicago Hitmen: 2-5
    Birmingham Thunderbolts: 2-5

    WEST
    Los Angeles Xtreme: 5-2
    Las Vegas Outlaws: 4-3
    San Francisco Demons: 3-4
    Memphis Maniax: 3-4

    News

    Meltzer reports that the Overnight for the NBC game was around 2.0, which is low thanks to the NCAA tournament and I guess St. Patrick's Day. For St. Patrick's Day, don't most people go to bars to celebrate it? Don't most bars play some kind of sports? Clearly, the NCAA tournaments made the XFL its bitch, and it will even get worse next week. The HBO interview with Bob Costas and Vince McMahon clearly didn't add any spark to the ratings, either.

    Nothing else.....