Welcome back to the Phat Daily Column. Not much news happening, so I'll just do two things in the column today. I'll have a FULL review of the Rock on Saturday Night Live, and I'll have my Uncensored predictions as well. Without further ado, on to the Phat Daily Column, which still keeps going, even on a Sunday!
Intro- It had the SNL producer (Lorne something?) and Tim Meadows talking about how rough wrestlers can get. Then it goes over to Vince, Big Show, Triple H, and Mick Foley talking about pounding the Rock on SNL. Vince kept pleading with the wrestlers not to attack the Rock, which made for a good laugh. Big Show really showed the kid inside of him tonight, as he was pouting(sp?) here, and dancing in the crowd later. Big Show had a chair behind his back, and he eventually found Mango in his arms. Good old Vince McMahon was the man to shout LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!
Rock's Opening Monologue- Rock was out of character for the most of it, until he whipped out his most repetitive phrases, and that's "If you Smelllllll...what the Rock...is Cooking". The Rock said that he stuggled to not be a wrestler backstage because the cast was so small. During this skit, Show, Triple H, and Foley took some fans seats. Triple H would make his way down to the stage to confront the Rock. Triple H basically gave the Rock congrats, shook his hand, and said he'll beat his ass after the show. Triple H then took out his aggression on a fan. A fake commercial came on for Uncle Jemima's alcohol, which the Rock wasn't in. Classic Tim Meadows there.
Scene 1- The Lady's Man with a Tim Meadows character as the host. Tim Meadows cracks me up at whatever he does, as he's been with the cast for years. The character said he found a new love and was smitten with it. Out comes the Rock dressed in drag. They talk about how they somehow met at a gaybar, although Meadows didn't know it, and how there were sailors and classic actress imitators everywhere. HA! But anyway, the Rock reveals himself to be an undercover agent, and says that he couldn't bust Meadows for anything because he didn't make any offers. He said all he did was fall asleep one night on his couch, and nothing happened. Meadows's character said "Oh yeah....NOTHING happened". Hahaha! Rock's character panics since he has a wife and kids at home. Funny skit.
Scene 2- This one put me in tears from laughing. Chris Kattan(sp?)'s Mr Peeper's character, where he acts like a primate before man evolved, was for this sketch, as he was in a university classroom, getting displayed by a professor. The professor says he found the primate's father, and then the Rock, dressed like the primate, comes in and jumps on the table! Funny stuff! He starts eating the apples like Kattan's character, and Kattan's primate is very scared of his father. They would both be on the table eating apples like mad, and then Kattan's primate jumps on another professor and starts humping him. Then the Rock jumps on him too, so they are both humping him! Classic! The Rock and Kattan escape by jumping through a wall. Funniest skit that I've seen in a long while on SNL.
Scene 3- The Morning Latte show with Will Ferrel(sp?) being a lame host, and Sheri Oterri(sp?) being another lame host. The Rock was their guest of their show, as he was playing himself. Sheri and Will acted scared of the Rock, and the Rock kept insisting that he was a sweet guy. To prove that, the Rock sang, and boy did he ever! He sang a peaceful tune, which sounded very good. Maybe an album down the line? Then, Big Show and Foley came in and helped sing it with the Rock. Great stuff.
Scene 4- Weekend Update with Collin Quinn. I really miss Dennis Miller, Kevin Nealon(sp?), or Norm McDonald doing this. Quinn is ok, but he's nothing spectacular. No Rock in this part of the show, as you had some dude who drew dirty pictures which somehow turned into animals, and another guy remaking popular songs about his spring break.
Scene 5- The Rock says "Ladies and Gentlemen, AC/DC". Oh hell yeah, as they played their new single, "Stiff Upper Lip". Although I'm not a big fan of the song, it's great to see AC/DC playing together. Easily one of the best groups EVER. Notice I said "one of the".
Scene 6- 3 Skits for this one. In the first one, Rock was a very stupid Superman, which was a skit that I enjoyed very much. The skit was well written by the SNL guys, and the Rock was perfect for the role. Everyone knew who Superman was, as he would admit it accidentally all the time. The press people start messing with Superman's head, as they question Clark Kent that they heard Superman is gay. One of the guys pulled out a great line saying that "Superman doesn't need kryptonite to get on his knees in a bathroom" or something of that nature. That had me off my chair laughing. The second one was a commercial for Showtime's ripoff of the Sapranos(sp?), which was called the Goombahs! The Rock was the head Italian, and he kept wanting his a meatballs! Kinda dumb though. The third skit was very messed up. The Rock was a guy called Nicotrel, and he was there to literally hurt whoever started smoking. He beat the living crap out of the husband, and he would start hitting on the wife. The husband took offense to this, so the Rock pounded him more. Foley, Triple H, and Big Show came out to add more hurtings to the husband. Crazy skit!
Scene 7- Today's Lady, which was a very boring and lame skit. It was a talk show, and the Rock, who was some kind of guy that turned the ladies on. The talked about getting some "meat", and whatever. This was a very bad skit.
Scene 8- More AC/DC, as they played their great classic "She Shook Me all Night Long". That helped make up for the last skit.
Scene 9- A commercial for Belmont's Horseglue, which was glue made from the hooves of horses. Very sick skit, and no Rock in this one.
The End- Which has all of the cast, the host, and the band on the stage at the end. Angus Young was on Triple H's shoulders, holding the WWF World Title belt. That was funny.
Tito's Overall Thoughts: Rock did one hell of a job on this edition of SNL, as it's the best one of the new guys that I've seen in a while. The Mr. Peepers and the Superman skits were instant classics, and a few other ones were good too. The Today's Lady sketch could have been left out, but I guess you can't be great the whole time. Overall, a great effort by the Rock and the WWF for this show, so I'll give it an
The Artist formerly known as whatever vs. Psychosis
Gee, who is friends with Kevin Sullivan, and who's a Luchadore. For some reason though, I have a feeling that Psychosis has a good chance. But I'll doubt it with this stupid WCW regime.
Tito's Pick: The Artist
Lane and Rave vs. Demon and Norman Smiley
Yeah, let's hold one of our most over wrestlers down in this tag match. Lane and Rave are so lame now, as it could make me start screaming for the return of the West Hollywood Blondes.
Tito's Pick: Smiley/Demon - They better win!
Wall vs. Bam Bam
Since we are in the middle of pushing this slug known as the Wall, Bam Bam will put him over. Maybe he could chokeslam him through a table? Please, it takes all around personality to get someone over. Wall doesn't have an ounce of that.
Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count
If you put 3 Brian Knobbs together, they still wouldn't equal the talent that one of either Shane Helms or Shannon Moore on talent. Since Knobbs is Hogan's buddy, he will win. If you saw the Larry King special the other day, you know how close Hogan and Knobbs are.
Tito's Pick: Brian Knobbs
Vampiro vs. Fit Finley
If Vampiro doesn't win this in his so called push that he's currently in, WCW is a complete joke. Nuff said.
Tito's Pick: Vampiro, as he BETTER WIN!
Terry Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes
This match could get pretty violent, depending on Dustin. I say Funk will get this win because I could care less really about this feud. Please end it tonight!
Tito's Pick: Terry Funk
Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Booker T
This is retarded. Obviously, Booker and Kidman won't work together, and in that, Harlem Heat will probably get the win. That's stupid, as Harlem Heat now has NO TALENT WHATSOEVER.
Tito's Pick: Harlem Heat
Sting vs. Lex Luger
I think with Sting returning to the ring full time now, I think WCW would want him to win this match. Hopefully, both of these guys move on because this months long feud has been an unfortunate bore. Also, I hope that they push Sting to the moon after this match, which they should. It will at least keep me watching.
Tito's Pick: Sting
Mamalukes vs. the Harris Boys
I guess the Harris boys will get it since they are so over in WCW. "Over" in WCW means that they get more television time and pushes from the bookers, instead of actually getting a crowd reaction. I do love the H-Bomb though.
Tito's Pick: Harris Boys
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan
ZZZZZZ. Maybe if this match was about 10 Years Ago, it would be appealing to me.
Tito's Pick: Hulk Hogan Rule of thumb: NEVER bet against Hogan on a PPV.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid
Softball season is coming!
Tito's Pick: Jeff Jarrett
@That's all for today's column. I would have liked to do more with the predictions, but I am running out of time this morning. I'll be back tomorrow with more PDC to go around.
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