Welcome to the returning edition of the Phat Daily Column. So where was I? Oh, work and school, yadda yadda yadda. It's finals week for me, so forgive me if you see less of me this week.
Feedback on the video game reviews have been positive, meaning that I'm likely to start a series on another system, possibly the SNES or I'll possibly review the Arcade consols. Who knows? Whatever I can download, I'll do.
Speaking of the video game reviews, for the NES, I use FCE Ultra as an emulator, for anyone who was wondering. It's funny with the internet. You are allowed to have emulators to download on a site, but you can't have the games. And if you want to know where you can find an emulator or maybe some games, ask around on message boards. I may or may not tell you where to go, depending on how flooded I get with requests.
On to the PDC.
Speaking of foul language, the following RAW review will contain it since it has become a "Bad Tito". So if you don't like my fucking language, then tough cookies (or apples) for you. :). On to the Bad Tito.
RAW opened up with a textbook Six-man match. God, what the hell are those writers smoking? Can't they possibly come up with something original??!? Of course not, especially with dumbass Stephanie writing on the committee. At least when Vince Russo was writing, you wouldn't see such pathetic repetition. Of course, with Russo, we had former Olympic power lifters getting head from a transvestite. The match was Rob Van Dam/Hardys vs. Dudleys/William Regal. As Alliance members, I can understand the working relationship between the Dudleys and Regal, but has there ever been any explanation to why RVD tags with the Hardys now, after several months of feuding with them during the summer. Oh wait, wrestling fans have short term memories, according to the WWF. My bad. The match was a typical decent RAW match, with a good ending. I really hope RVD's pinning of Regal isn't a sign to come for Wrestlemania, as Regal would be "paying his dues" for the big Wrestlemania win. Let's hope not, because RVD would be a great IC champion. Regal just sucks, and somebody better shove his ass into my Time Machine so that he can go back into the mid 1990's to be Lord Steven Regal again.
Ooooooh!!! An emergency meeting between Ric Flair, Vince McMahon, and WWF execs was held. SWEET JESUS!! SMELL THE RATINGS! I'd rather watch a boring WCW Thunder match than to sit through these segments. So BORRRING! Vince accused Flair of being an owner, which was stupid, as Vince McMahon was the man who brought in the New World Order to "poison" the WWF. Where the hell is the logic? If this was to set up the "split", then we are in trouble folks, because none of the fans are going to make any sense of what is truly going on. No Undertaker-Flair interaction on the show hurts Wrestlemania.
Although the Booker T/Kurt Angle/Edge segment was remotely entertaining, it went on for SOOOOO LONG. If I was in charge, the one thing I'd do would be to push for promos to be 5 minutes, AT MOST. No way would I give wrestlers more than 10 minutes to kill the crowd and give fans at home a reason to change the channel.
FUCK YOU STEPHANIE MCMAHON! How in the fuck can you hype a WORLD TITLE match by running over Triple H's dog? This has got to be the shittiest hyping for Wrestlemania, ever. The only thing OK about it was that they joked about taking it to the ring as a mascot, via British Bulldogs. What is Stephanie smoking? If you, as a so-called "wrestling fan", can't see how Stephanie McMahon is screwing over the WWF product for her own personal ego-trip, then you are beyond braindead for all I care. Stephanie has to be the most stupid piece of shit the WWF has right now, and that says a lot.
We have a second match... wow, another match! It was Goldust vs. Al Snow. In a shitty match, Al Snow won the Hardcore title. What?!? What is the point of this? Yet another wrench thrown into the Wrestlemania plans, just one week before the show. Does anybody see these God damn problems in the WWF, besides me? Oh, and let me mention that the WWF half-ass booked a 4-way tag match too, which makes completely no sense whatsoever. It's like the APA win at No Way Out has been rendered worthless because they get a title shot anyway. Note, though, that the 4-way will be a better match since the Hardys and Dudleys are there to carry the match, while the APA remains to be repetitive and Chuck & Suck will continue to go from SUCK to BLOW in the ring.
Next match was Kurt Angle/Booker T vs. Edge and a "Mystery Partner". OH!!! What a shock! The Big Show was the mystery partner! Yeah, the fat fuck whose worth is long past him! The only thing he was good for was for Kurt Angle to make him submit to the anklelock since Big Show is larger than Kane. As usual, the Big Fatass and embarrassment to the WWF held down the match to be anything decent, which is nothing new by today's WWF standards. The problems are so fucking obvious, yet the WWF continues to push these losers week in, and week out.
Billy Gunn vs. Christian was next. Odd set up for this. Kind of a chaotic match, and listen to this: Billy Gunn shouldn't have lost the match. Yes, you heard me right. Although Billy is easily the worst wrestler for the type of athlete he looks like, as a Tag Champion, he shouldn't be losing a singles match to someone outside of the tag division, a week before Wrestlemania. The Christian heel turn on DDP came off to me as decent, and I hope that Christian cuts a promo on DDP, stating that his problems have come ever since DDP beat him for the European title. Yeah, nothing wrong with hyping that long forgotten title, eh? It's not like any of the WWF titles mean anything these days...
Saliva and Drowning Pool at Wrestlemania... *YAWN* If they aren't playing wrestler's themes, then why even bother? Push WRESTLING, not bands who aren't too popular yet or not. Drowning Pool lost their popularity from 9/11, when ALL radio stations, television stations, and even the WWF decided to ban their music. Saliva is known, but not well known enough to feature them on a Wrestlemania, of all places.
Next, we got to see the women's match between Jazz/Stacy vs. Lita/Trish. I'll say this: Lita vs. Jazz vs. Trish has POTENTIAL to be a good match at Wrestlemania. For a person who criticizes the division probably more than anyone, that's a big statement to say, mmmk? The tag match lacked anything because Stacy is NOT a women's wrestler, and Jazz didn't show those special qualities that the so-called "technical wrestling experts" claim that she has.
It's all about the dog, hand lotion, and whatever way Stephanie McMahon can make herself look good, in efforts to downgrade a WORLD TITLE MATCH. How can the WWF possibly fuck this up? Stephanie. Blame the bitch! She would come out and hog time to cut a promo, only for Triple H, the man who has nailed both Steph and Chyna, of all people, to try and attack her. Yuck, Triple H sure has screwed some nasty ones in his life. During this segment, we saw Stephanie's bare ass. Does this, like the nipple showing, turn me on? Sure, it's nice to see, but if Stephanie was laying naked in my bed, saying "Tito, TAKE ME NOW", I'd turn her down. Give me Torrie Wilson, Stacy Keibler, and Lita instead, for they aren't bitches like Stephanie. If someone looks great but has an attitude I can't stand, I won't touch them. Besides, Stephanie doesn't look that good. Her implants look too big, and she's not that pretty.
And to quote Tommy Davidson on In Living Color: "someone better turn your ugly ass inside out", in reference to someone being ugly on the outside, while being "great" on the inside. If you turned Stephanie inside out, you'd see a hideous monster!
While we're on this subject, Torrie Wilson looked stunning at WWF NY. She's an absolute goddess, and she's not a complete bitch like Stephanie. Too bad we can't see more of Torrie on WWF television than stupid Stephanie.
Our main event was Steve Austin/Rock vs. Hall/Nash/Hogan. Better than expected, although Kevin Nash looked like he had too much ring rust on him. I was quite shocked at the ending, with Hogan getting a CLEAN WIN on the Rock via Big Boot/Legdrop combination. The Rock can kick out of chairshots and Stone Cold Stunners, but not that? I guess it's the threat that the WWF tried to push. Sort of a bad idea to give the fans a preview of Hogan vs. Rock, but hey, the WWF has already fucked up Wrestlemania 18 anyway, so why not completely flush all of the shit down the toilet?
LAST WORD: YECCH!!!! If the WWF is hoping to resurge their product with Wrestlemania, think again. And don't blame the New World Order. Nash, Hogan, and Hall have done a decent job feuding with the Rock and Austin. But the rest of the product totally sucks, especially the World Title scene that Stephanie's fatass must ruin. This show get a
How about them apples?
AOL Instant Messenger: BookerTito - It's recommended that you send your questions or feedback as your first message so that it could be answered, instead of saying "hi", "hey", "what's up" or whatever else. Just get to the point, please, to make it easier since I get drilled with messages.
WRESTLEPALOOZA.com - Audio Show, Columns, News, and more!
KOLTERSHOCK!!! - A site that you shouldn't view with small children present!
X-Entertainment.com - One of the most entertaining pages on the net!
@That's all for today. I hope you've enjoyed an extremely truthful review of Monday Night RAW. If you've got a boner for Wrestlemania right now, then you might be popping too much Viagra. I'll be back, tomorrow, with more things to stir up trouble. So until then, why not chill?
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.