Welcome to today's Phat Daily Column. Since the great Dustin E. needed the week off, I will step to the plate and incorporate the PDC with LoP's Smackdown report! Major props to Dustin E. by the way, who has done some great results for the past few months now. So remember...these results have "opinions" in them with the play by play results. With that being said, on to the PDC/Smackdown results.
BUT FIRST, I forgot to mention a very disturbing part of Thunder yesterday. The worst storyline in the history of wrestling was started up again, and of course, that is
Captain Rection Hugh Morris's senile old man coming to distract Morris from his match. My God, do some people see why I criticize Vince Russo's style? This storyline isn't innovative, it's total crap. Anyway, on to the task at hand.
BANG! Out comes Chris Jericho. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!! Mic in hand, Jericho struts down to the ring. HUGE pop by the crowd though. Good one WCW. Jericho says he has to fight Test for the the King of the Ring tourney. Jericho calls Test "the jerkel of the squared circle" cause Test won't win or advance in the King of the Ring tournament. How original. Test's music hits, he comes out with Trish Stratus, and he looks pissed!!
Match ONE: Test vs. Chris Jericho for the King of the Ring tournament
Lock up. Test on the upperhand, misses clotheslines, Jericho chops him, spinning kicks him, an dthen springboard dropkicks tests outside of the ring! Test, as a good heel, rests outside. Test on the advantage, but TEst sucks, and he gets beat up coming back into the ring. Test fakes Jericho out, and gives him the best big boot in the business. Test slams Jericho into the turnbuckle, and then pounds him. Jericho no sells it and comes back. Test reverses a move and gives Jericho the UNCLE SLAM!!! Test goes for the pin, but Jericho kicks out. Test gives Jericho a running elbow, and then chokes him over the ropes. God, Jericho is coming back again. Test sends him to the turnbuckle, and Jericho sticks up the boot in a very predictable move. Jericho with some punches, and pounds test. Jericho goes for the back-body-drop, but Test isn't fooled, and he powerbombs Jericho! Jericho kicks out of the pin. To the corner again, Jericho kicks Test. Jericho from the top with a missle dropkick. Test comes back, but Jericho somehow hits him with a running double axehandle. This whole match has been each other sending the other for the ride, and Jericho coming back from EVERYTHING. Running elbow by Jericho. Jericho sees the silicon filled Trish taunting him, and he comes over to get a boot to the face from Trish. Test goes for the pin, but Jericho is immortal here, and kicks out. Test goes for the running knee, but Jericho schoolboys him! Trish has the referee distracted, and Test tries his Pump Handle slam, but Jericho reverses that, pushes Test into Trish, and Bulldogs Test. Lionsault by Jericho, 1, 2, 3 Jericho at 4 minutes and 13 seconds. Stratus is pissed...aww, maybe she has a leakage? Maybe she's a manager of a some guys who have no charisma? Who knows? This match was terrible, as it made Jericho look invincible. I'll give it a C.
Winner: Chris Jericho via Lionsault(clean win)
The Rock is backstage!!
Hey, the beauty pagent commercial from the WWF that was shown at the Superbowl... DX Aggression theme, which I'm sick of, plays. Triple H, Stephanie, X-Pac, Road Dogg, Shane McMahon, Brisco, Patterson, and Tori come out. BALLOONS EVERYWHERE!!! Hmm, WCW did this somewhat Monday. X-pac does his fireworks thing...oh shit, I just realized what I'm in for here. LONG INTERVIEW time!!! Tito has the timer ready. Triple H runs his mouth, as usual. The balloons are for Triple H being happy about his victory over the Rock. Triple H wants to have this party to show how great he is. I swear, he could get his point across in just a few sentences. He dogs all of the #1 contenders..blah, blah, blah, blah blah!!! I bet this would seem better if I was hearing it in the arena. Crowd is pretty hot for this interview though. Triple H thanks the Stooges for being the best stooges around. HHH thanks Pac and Dogg for being such great friends. Thanks to Shane for being the "king of brothers". Thanks Tori for keeping Dogg and Xpac in line. Now he thanks Stephanie
for last night for being such a great woman. He then thanks Tito and the rest of the viewers for suffering through this. Triple H wants to hug all of them. HAHA, he calls on Pat Patterson to give him some lovin. Rock comes out....gee, I could have called that one.
Already 6 minutes into this interview.... Crowd is chanting ROCKY, ROCKY! Rock said he'll throw a party of his own here in Buffalo. Party won't serve up wonderful crap. He'll serve payback. Rock doesn't care about the World Title, he just wants to give Triple H the ass kicking of a lifetime! Same stuff, different Smackdown! Rock wants any kind of match! He wants even a Rock in a stick balloons up Stephanie's ass match! Rock will get payback... Loud Rocky chants going on here. Triple H says "you want to talk about payback?" Says Rock's anger is misguided. He says he could get an ass kicking by everyone in the ring, or go after the Undertaker, who happens to be on the Ovaltron with the Judgment Day and RAW highlights to show Rock how the Undertaker is against him. Uh oh, AMERICAN BADASS HITS!!!!! Undertaker comes out on his bike! He looks at the Rock, and comes to the ring. (Kane watches on from the lockerroom) Undertaker is staring down the Rock, but he jumps into the Ring to attack Corporation X. You know the drill...Taker gets pounded, Rock saves the day! My grandma could have predicted this. During the action, Undertaker went to hit Xpac with a chair, but he hit the Rock! Oh no, that means another backstabbing by the Undertaker right? Corporation X leaves, and Undertaker drives away. Big Show Chef Boyardee commercial is shown. I miss him for some reason. By the way, the interview lasted around 16 minutes and 20 seconds. See what I'm talking about? Nevermind.
Back. Highlights of the interview segment. Rock is pissed, and looks for the Undertaker. He finds Kane. Staredown. Kane won't answer the Rock. Kane can talk so well now. FIGHT BREAKS OUT!! Millions...and millions of referees come to break it up. Too Cool music hits, with the two flyboys dancing down the aisle. Everyone knows my love for Too Cool. Godfather's music hits, and Dean Malenko shows how much charisma he has when he walks down with the hos. You guessed it, absolutely nothing! This pairing with the Godfather is so funny.
Match TWO: Too Cool vs. Godfather/Dean Malenko for the World Titles
Malenko and Godfather run to the ring, and attack Too Cool. Brawl ensues, and Godfather is thrown over the top. Double team slam on Malenko, and we get some dancing! HO train on Scotty 2 Hottie from being distracted. Superkick to Godfather from Sexay. Missed double elbow, and a double clothesline by Godfather. Backbody toss on Scotty Too Hottie by Godfather. Tags Malenko, and after some spinning, Malenko clotheslines Hotty. Suplex, and a pin by Malenko. Running knee by Malenko, and a tag to the Godfather. Double Elbow on Hotty, and Malenko hits Sexay. Godfather pounds Hottie, and slams him. Tries to pin, but Scotty kicks out. Take to Malenko, and a chop, and then a sunset flip by Scotty. Clothesline by Malenko, and some stiff knees from Malenko. Hotty get thrown to the corner and Malenko quicky clotheslines him. Damn it, I hate typing out Too Cools nicknames!!! Scotty reverses a suplex, and gives Malenko an inverted suplex. Scotty gets the tag, and Malenko takes some shots. Back body drop by Sexay, and he takes a foot to the face when trying to chase Malenko in the corner. However, faces are invincible tonight, and Sexay slams Malenko. Attempted pin, and Godfather breaks it up. Everyone is now in the ring, and Scotty bulldogs Malenko. Scotty signals the worm...hop, hop, hop, hop....worm, and horrible chop at the end which should hurt nobody! Hotty hit by Godfather, but the Hos take care of him outside. Godfather take offense, tries to get back into the ring, but the stupid ref doesn't see how there are *two* members of Too Cool in the ring. Legdrop from the top by Sexay, 1, 2, 3 at 5 minutes and 13 seconds. Ok match, as I'll give it a B-.
Winners: Too Cool(clean win)
Corporation X are in the back...they are talking how Road Dogg and Xpac can take Kane, Rock, and Undertaker. Boy, that will be a treat to do the results of...
COMMERCIAL- Irony here on my Pittsburgh UPN channel, as a houseshow commercial for ECW is shown.
Chris Benoit comes down..oh baby, match of the night coming my way!!! *MARKS OUT* I love Benoit's music...so much better than that crap he had in WCW, as he had a theme from Jenny Jones and some other theme at the end of his career. Jeff Hardy comes down to get this great match started! YES, I'm in heaven!!! Future of the WWF right here!
Match THREE: Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title
Lock up, goes to the corner, mean chops and kicks by Benoit. Throws Hardy to the corner, but Hardy jumps off the ropes for a spinning plancha. Very nice. Hardy tries something in the corner, but Benoit dodges it. Hardy grabs Benoit down to the mat, and jumps over the ropes, hits the other rope with some spinning splash. Pin, but Benoit kicks out. Slam by Hardy. Hardy to the top, and he misses 450 splash. Benoit sends Hardy for the ride, and gives him a knee. Another knee! Very stiff indeed. Hardy to the corner, and he sits on the top turnbuckle. Benoit grabs him and drops him with his legs still hanging from the top. Ouch, that looked nasty. Tree of Woe! Hey, Kevin Sullivan used to use this to his advantage.... Benoit kicks him here, and lets Hardy fall. Suplex on the ropes by Benoit. Benoit punches hardy to outside, and kicks him for good measure. Throws Hardy in the ring, and kicks him. Hardy thrown to the corner hard, and he kicks out of the pin by Benoit. Hardy then hits a Tilt a Whirl head scissors, which is botched a little bit, on Benoit. Benoit comes back, and tries to powerbomb Hardy. Hardy spins around for a sunset flip pin. Benoit chops him down. Hardy gives Benoit a spinning kick, and he Swantons Benoit on the outside. Nice... In the ring...Swanton Bomb by Hardy!!! Pin....but Benoit has his foot on the rope. Some spinning and reversals here, and BAM, CRIPPLER CROSSFACE on Jeff Hardy. He taps out! He taps out! He taps out at 5 minutes and 32 minutes. For this short amount of time given here, good match, therefore, a A for the match. Benoit shakes Jeff's hand after the match, and then decks him with the IC title! WOW.
Winner: The Crippler Chris Benoit(clean win)
COMMERCIAL! Slim Jim commercial during this one...hmmmm.......
WWF burn of the Week by Stacker2: Dudleys' 3D on Kurt Angle
Angle, Edge, and Christian come out. Great trio. Angle on the mic. He wants to talk about sportsmanship. He says you shouldn't put Olympic heroes through tables. Says Suicide Blondes were screwed also when a midget hit Christian in the balls with a hockey stick. Christian then dogs the crowd. He mentions lost Stanley cups, Superbowls..and OJ. Ouch! Edge says new pose! HAHAHA, Edge and Christian form a upright, and Angle puts on a Scott Norwood shirt..and acts out that missed field goal that could have helped the Bills defeat the Giants in a Superbowl a few years ago! I love it! HUGE heat from the crowd. Dudleys arrive!
Match FOUR: Dudley Boyz vs. Kurt Angle and the Suicide Blonds(Edge/Christian)
Angle and Devon start. Clothesline by Angle. Tags in Edge. Devon hits Edge with right hand. Buh Buh in, and he slames Edge. Devon gets straddled on the top, and gets a special superplex. On the outside, Edge misses a spear on Buh Buh and he hits Angle. In the ring, 3D on Christian, and a pin at 1 minute and 46 minutes. Eh, ok. B-
Winners: The Dudley Boys(clean win)
In the back, Stephanie is in the back with Johnathan Coachmen. Why don't they have him replace Kevin Kelly already?? Stephanie is in her mood as usual. She says she'll face #1 women's contender. She seems confident, as I smell a screwy battle royal. By the way, Stephanie seems cold. They walk into the women's lockerroom, where they are all nearly nude. Stephanie locks Coachmen in the lockerroom to enable him to get more ass than the proctologist's office.
Back. UPN plug. Ugh. Undertaker and Kane confront each other. Undertaker wants to know why Kane didn't help. Wow, Kane can really talk well again. He'll cover Undertaker in sixman tag. Stephanie comes out, and look, Tori is there with a revealing referee suit. Tori was a great women's wrestler in her day, but this is the WWF. Kat comes out, and Lawler knows he's getting it later tonight. Terri comes down next. Stephanie goes to the announcer's booth. Ivory comes down next. Jackie comes down, as she's probably the most deserving champion for this match. Lita comes down next, with a good pop from the crowd. Starts off.
Match FIVE: Women's Battle Royal
To quote whoever on ECW on TNN: CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!!! I can't call this actoin. Lots of hairpulling, and lots of hormones for fewers. Terri bodyslammed the Kat!! Kat is now eliminated by Terri, and Terri is eliminated by Lita. Clothesline by Jacki on Lita after Lita hit a few. Jackie tries to throw Lita over the top, but luckily, Lita watches Shawn Micheals tapes! Jackie got eliminated somehow. Ivory now on the attack and misses the splash. Lita with the snap suplex, and then hits a moonsault. Lita wins!! 2 minutes and 49 seconds. I'll give it a C for the lack of "wrestling" talent, but a B for it's watchability. Duh, throw this one out. Lita then calls on Stephanie, and that dirty referee Tori shows how tough she used to be, and attacks Lita. Another match coming now.
Winner: Lita(clean win)
Match SIX: Stephanie vs. Lita
Stephanie pins Lita. 4 seconds and a F for the "wrestling" and a B for the purpose of this angle. Lita will get revenge...
Winner: Stephanie(I say screwjob)
COMMERCIAL- Another ECW houseshow commercial in Pittsburgh. I know this is for my area only, but this is funny.
Shows replay of the women action. Kelly, who SUCKS, interviews Lita. Lita is upset. She dogs Stephanie, and says it's not over. MAMACITA! LATINO HEAT! LATINO HEAT! LATINO HEAT. By the way, Chyna and Eddie Guerrero are coming down. Roses and all. I love this couple. Good pop going for them. Matt Hardy comes down...
Match SEVEN: Matt Hardy vs. Eddie Guerrero for the King of the Ring tourney
Lock up, but Eddie makes it into an arm bar. Hardy reverses this, so does Eddie. Snap mare by Matt. Super snap mare by Eddie, and an arm bar by Matt Hardy. Flip slam and tilt a whild slam by Matt Hardy. Hardy hits a terrible throw on Eddie. Twist of Fate was reversed for a pin by Eddie. Eddie with a good Frankensteiner. Good pinning moves now. Mean neckbreaker on Matt Hardy now. Ouch. Eddie to the top. Matt comes up there..and superplex! Matt goes for the pin, and Eddie kicks out. Eddie gets off a belly to belly after being sent for the ride. Eddie to the top again. Missed Swanton by Eddie. After some missed moves, Eddie comes off the top with a Rey Mysterio like Frankensteiner pin at 3 minutes and 7 seconds. Eh, ok match, I'll give it a B. Chyna and Eddie laugh afterwards.
Winner: Eddie Guerrero(clean win)
In the back, Val Venis is doing push ups for Trish Stratus. Trish is pissed about the Stink Face on RAW. She bitches at Val Venis. Val promises that Rikishi will pay!
Rewind: Stink Face on Trish from RAW
Val Venis comes down with Trish..wow, new music for Val Venis...bad music for Val Venis as well. Rikishi comes down next.
Match EIGHT: Rikishi Phatu vs. Val Venis
Val attacks first. Val Venis clotheslines him, and does it again! Pin by Val, but a kickout by Phatu. Phatu gives Val a samoan drop. Slams by Rikishi, and clotheslines and thumps Val in the corner. Val is in position to toss salad! Trish in the ring...powder in the eyes. RING RING RING! DQ at 1 minute and 25 seconds, and a grade of a C- for this match. Val now on the attack, punches here and there. Stairs and more for Rikishi. I guess Venis is nuts now or something? Val wants to be recognized, but little does he know that his gimmick won't allow it. Rikishi takes some mean bellshots to the face. WWF added some sound to those. They show replays of the evil deeds just done, and Rikishi shows what a face he is and comes after Val to the back. Rikishi gets some blows in, and slams Val's head into the ground. Rikish grabs Trish and pushers her away. Rikishi kicks Val down, and legdrops him. Rikishi then superkicks Val 10 feet off the stage! Yikes! Wait..there's more... Rikishi shows why he used to be a part of the Samoan Swat Team and the Headshrinkers, as he gives Val a very stiff splash from the stage! Val is "rumored" to be actually be hurt by this one.
Winner: Rikishi Phatu(by DQ)
Wow, a new "don't try this at home" promo, which involves Mick Foley. That's a good piece.
Val is now on a stretcher. Shows replay of Rikishi splashing Val. King and Micheal Cole discuss the King of the Ring matches. Highlights of the qualifying matches are shown.
Heat: Perry Saturn vs. Devon Dudley and Buh Buh Dudley vs. Bossman for the King of the Ring.
Kelly, who still sucks, interviews Benoit. Benoit said he attacked Jeff because he wanted to. Main event wrestlers heading to the ring. Final match is coming..thank God, I'm worn out!!
Midas Slam of the Week: Triple H's chair attack from RAW
Corporation X hits the ring. I'm sick of that DX aggression theme. Of course, then I'll get sick of the original DX theme along with the "NO Chance in Hell" theme. BOOM! Fire! Hellfire and Brimstone! Kane comes down to the ring.
Match NINE: Triple H(just added), Road Dogg, and X-Pac vs. Kane, Undertaker, and the Rock
Kane gets jumped by DX early on, and AMERICAN BADASS HITS. Undertaker makes his way to the ring. Slowly.... Nails Xpac, HHH, and Road Dogg. Now Undertaker is getting pounded. IF YOU SMELL....The Rock now comes down. Rock saves the day. Total brawl here, and now the Rock attacks HHH on the outside. Undertaker and Road Dogg in the ring, as the "legal men". Undertaker with punches and elbows, and a missed run to the turnbuckle to the Road Dogg. Road Dogg gets pounded in the corner. Tags in Kane..with authority! Kane slaps Road Dogg around, and Xpac is tagged. Kane goes for the chokeslam on Road Dogg, and Xpac tries to come off the top..but he gets caught too! Triple H takes a big boot when trying to break up the chokeslam. However, DX counters the chokeslam, and tries to doublesuplex Kane. However again, Kane suplexes both of them. Kane bodypresses Xpac and slams him, and tags in the rock. Spinebusters for all, and a DDT for only the Road Dogg. Rock gets pulled over the ropes for a good pounding. Taker and Kane just stand there. Cover by Road Dogg, but Rock kicks out. Rock comes back, but Triple H hits him on the ride. I love those kind of dirty moves. Triple H is in now, and he's beating down the Rock. Rock back with many many right hands, but Triple H shows that he carries the Rock now, and knees him. Tags in Xpac, and Xpac loses control. Xpac comes back and hits the Rock with a good spinning kick. Road Dogg in, and he hits the Rock with some charisma loaded punches. Rock comes back after Shake, Rattle, and Roll, and the Rock hits a belly to belly suplex! Wow, a new wrestling move from the Rock! It's a miracle. Triple H tagged in, and the Rock tags the Undertaker. Undertaker is cleaning house now. Taker attacks Xpac, and after some counters, he chokeslams Xpac for the 1, 2, 3 at 8 minutes and 54 seconds. Not a bad match, but it's predictable. B for the match. Undertaker and Rock continue to have their problems, and as the Rock walks away, the Undertaker gets attacked in the ring. Rock comes back along with Kane, and they fight off DX. Rock aims a chair for Shane, but hits Kane. God, how predictable can it get? Rock purposely hits the Undertaker after this. They stare at each other, and they will be a team at King of the Ring! Oh joy!
Winners: Rock, Undertaker, and Kane(clean win)
@Phew! Now I truly know how hard Nick Ponton, Tyler Riggs, and Dustin E have it. Damn, doing this 2 hour show wore me out, and I had the benefit of pausing the tape and catching up on results, whereas the others do them live. I hope you've enjoyed this PDC/Smackdown Results. I'll be back tomorrow with some more thoughts in the wrestling world and some thoughts on ECW on TNN(not results though). So just chill...till the next episode.
Phat Pharm: New BAD TITO still around, and of course, 3 spots open!
Take Care, and Thanks for reading.