Welcome to the wonderful and fun Friday edition of the Phat Daily Column. Unless you've been in a cave or never clicked this link to read this very column, you'll know that today is the day I review WWF Smackdown, and then some. So enjoy.
Boy did I piss off a nice amount of hardcore NBA fans or Philadelphia 76ers fanatics with my "NBA is booked like wrestling" comments. However, I got roughly the same amount of feedback agreeing with me that Commissioner Stern and the NBA referees know how to keep a game close. But I'll stick with my comments, and if you don't believe me, just take a close look at any of the teams who are down in the points, and how the ahead team will get called for ANYTHING.
But I won't go on for this NBA discussion, but I will recommend going to the LoP Sports Message Board to discuss all of the latest stuff concerning the sports world.
Don't you just love a good shilling? On to the PDC.
Smackdown started off in a big way with a hot Hardcore Holly vs. Kurt Angle opening match, which was actually a King of the Ring qualifying bout. The crowd was really fired up for this one, as they would be for the rest of the night. My hat is off to the University of North Dakota for being an awesome crowd. Anyway, both Angle and Holly put on a very good match, as both wrestlers have been really stepping it up lately in terms of their ring work. Hardcore Holly should get more of a push than always being forced to tag with his little idiot and crybaby cousin, Crash (Holly), who really loves to eat some apples every once in a while. I found it quite funny to see them riding off the heat of Angle's moonsault. To this day, the WWF should have never let Angle hit that spot, back in the day, which hurt Holly.
Wow, it's amazing at how clear Kane can talk now. I'm sure the WWF purposely did that in case they need Kane to be Sara's stalker. But honestly, how could it make sense for a guy, near 7 foot with lifts in his shoes, with burnt face, to be seen following Sara around. It's like having Fish with Ice Cream; it doesn't make sense. I was quoting a High School history teach of mine right there, from years ago.
Long interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin. I didn't give much of a shit for this interview, other than the fact that the hot North Dakota crowd was booing the hell out of him. Is it just that hot crowd, or is Austin really over as a heel now, after being the WWF's top face just two months ago?
My gosh, the Spike Dudley and Molly Holly segments were just screwed up. First, you had the oddball Perry Saturn interrupting the kiss by sticking his head in the middle. You know, that's no where near as sick as what a couple kissed in the great comedy, Bachelor Party, starring Tom Hanks, if you've caught that 1980's movie. Then, Tajiri dropped his popcorn before Spike and Molly could GET IT ON. Tajiri could have had his wrestling career, besides being stupid for Regal, starting right there with an attack on Spike because of losing his popcorn, but I guess we'll just have to wait for that. Finally, we had Kaientai interrupting, as they wanted to see a LIVE PORNO because they were "lonely". What happened to the EVIL girlfriend?
Well, Jeff Hardy is the NEW Lightweight champion. I'm sure this will piss off a lot of marks, because the Hardy fans will say "oh no, Jeff Hardy has gone from the Intercontinental Champ to the Lightweight champ! What a Catastrophe!!" Then, the Jerry Lynn marks will bitch and complain that he hasn't won the World Title yet in the WWF. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, shut up! It's not like Jerry Lynn was getting any appreciation by the WWF fans, so why not give the title to someone who's very over? Their match was solid, to say the least.
The Black Scorpion let us know, tonight, that he's still stalking Sara. The Undertaker went after Shane McMahon later in the night, and then we got a pretty cool segment. The Taker looked in the WCW limo to see someone, probably a WCW star, which he tells that the wrestler will have to choose another night to become famous. I take it that RAW is the show that all WCW wrestlers will show up on? Later on, Undertaker did find Shane, to which he tossed him around like the selling machine he is. Kane, clear voice now and all, made sure to tell his brother that he felt Shane didn't do it. Why the fuck couldn't you tell him that in the first place? Duh? Huuuh?
Well, Kane fought his old buddy X-Pac, and guess what? Kane won the match! Back when they were feuding after their tag situation, X-Pac weaseled out of every match. You know, I actually like that Albert is getting pushed, because X-Pac and Justin Credible are now the whipping boys for other teams to work on until Albert makes the save. After the match, Uncle Albert made the attack on Kane, which is what I alluded yesterday. If you're going to push Albert, then let's see what he's made of against Kane for the IC title. It's put up or shut up for all of the hype that Ross shoves down our throats, so let's sit back and watch Albert prove himself.
Oh wow, did you hear the tremendous heat William Regal was getting??? Every word he said, he was the fans booed like crazy. Too bad Regal is a very injury prone wrestler these days, because he should be doing more than just acting as commissioner. Although I like Mick Foley a great deal, he was sort of off on his talking tonight. He just seemed ackward, but I don't know.... Maybe it was in too much of a comparison to the impressive heat Regal was getting.
Our next match was the Radicals, Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko, against the Dudley Boyz. It was just your "run of the mill" Smackdown match, but the ending cracked me up. Perry Saturn put on a pair of Dudley glasses and did the WASSSUP drop on Dean Malenko. Now I don't know why he said "GET THE MUFFINS" instead of tables, but the point, I guess, is that Perry Saturn is a raving lunatic now. It's actually quite funny, and it seems to be a decent role for Saturn, who was in desparate need of grabbing the "sports entertainment" element of the WWF.
The stuff with Edge/Christian arguing backstage is pretty well acted by those two. Later on, the blond duo got their shit together and helped Edge win a big KOTR qualifying match against Test. Now Test is an under-utilized wrestler, but that's what a lack of charisma will get ya. I'm thinking that Christian will win his qualifying match, possibly setting up Edge vs. Christian at King of the Ring, further teasing a total break up between those two.
Despite the final 3 matches being somewhat rushed in the last 15-20 minutes or so, they were quite entertaining. Regal acted like the corrupt commissioner he is and booked Chris Jericho/Chris Benoit in two tough non-title bouts. The first one was against the APA, who hasn't been on either RAW or Smackdown for a while. I've missed Heat for like the past 3 or 4 weeks, so could they be there these days? For as somewhat quick as it was, it was pretty decent, as the once nearly invincible Acolytes went down. Then, Regal booked Big Show and Rhyno to fight Jericho/Benoit, which ended in a disqualification. Hey, didn't Big Show and Rhyno fight a few weeks back? Didn't Big Show win the hardcore title? I believe the WWF is sweeping that under the rug. Remember how I said that the Big Show, when he was the Giant in WCW, gave Chris Benoit the BEST CHOKESLAM EVER on a Clash of the Champions about 5 years ago or so? Well tonight, Big Show was giving Benoit some brutal chokeslams to show you that Benoit can take a chokeslam like no other.
Now that Jericho and Benoit were worn out, Vince McMahon and Steve Austin came out for their title bout. I'll tell you what, Chris Benoit is peaking as a wrestler right now. Jericho may get better cheers, but in terms of ringwork, Benoit is on fire! Chris Benoit got the big schoolboy roll up victory over Austin, which Benoit got by holding the tights. I'm glad they've brought back that feature, because I'm a sucker for some old school cheating, rather than the run ins done by today's wrestling. If Benoit wins the King of the Ring, that will be MEGA HUGE, and Benoit could be on his way to finally reaching the top of the WWF mountain. We'll see.
LAST WORD: This was a pretty good Smackdown here, all around. Not a boring segment, besides the Austin interview, for someone to channel change. Just a good and solid, all around show, which I'll give an
A+
(A plus) to. *Gasp*, the rare A+ came out. Hey, I really liked this show, as it was a solid one overall, with a pretty entertaining main event. That's what gets the ace in my gradebook.
The Jackson 5
5. Hardcore Holly: This guy is just tough as nails anymore. And to think, I used to bash the hell out of him a short while ago. My foot is in my mouth.
4. Chris Jericho: How will he be included at King of the Ring?
3. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Possibly convinced the fans, by now, that he's a heel, and he's wrestling pretty good thse days.
2. Kurt Angle: Great ring work against the Dudleys and Bob Holly this week, as he's one of the best all around WWF superstars on the roster, today, if not THE best one.
1. Chris Benoit: He's almost there in terms of really being a BIG WWF superstar.
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@That's all for today. Come to think of it, I'm probably up there in terms of anyone involved with internet wrestling who can really stir shit up. I mean, I just have people out there who absolutely hate me, and they waste their time on message boards or writing columns just to moan about what I write every day. It's quite amusing. I hope to be back tomorrow with some kind of history column, although I see the possibility of myself being out for the day. We'll see. Just chill till the next episode!
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