Welcome back, everyone, to the one and only Phat Daily Column. You KNOW what today is. It's MONDAY NIGHT RAW REVIEW DAY!!!!! Before, it was a review of RAW and Nitro, but now, it's just RAW. Thank God, too, cause Nitro was getting really horrible there at the end. But having the option to flip around during commercials was so nice.... Come on Monday Night Football!
Note on yesterday's column.... Instead of placing Edge in the KOTR brackets and discussing his chances, I put in Test instead. That's a bad mistake, as I was thinking about what the KOTR card could be. I thought to myself "I wonder if Test will defend the Hardcore title there", and boom, I write that Test will be facing Perry Saturn. My mistake, although you didn't see it if you read the column a couple hours after I posted it since I corrected my error. Thanks to anyone who quickly alerted me on my error.
That's two errors in two days. Yuck. Let's see how many I can rack up today! Whooo! On to the PDC!
Wow, Spike Dudley is our opening interview. I don't necessarily care for long interviews from anyone, but at least when the WWF changes it up and doesn't have Vince McMahon on EVERY one, it's a bit better. Spike, who oddly has clear mic skills, called Steve Austin out. Austin had a lot of good heel heat for this segment. I like the current psycho role that Austin plays, besides the hugging and the wanting of affection. After toying with Spike, Austin drilled Molly Holly with a Stunner, showing that not only is he a Bionic Redneck, but a Wife-beating Redneck, too. The only way to get a heel over these days: have him attack women. So sad....
Our first qualifying match is Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy. I'm disappointed with the amount of time this match was given. It sort of seemed as though Angle squashed Hardy, although a lot of moves were done in the limited amount of time that they were given. Like I said yesterday, I had the belief that this would be the final, but not after the brackets were made. Angle won the match off of a good submission spot, and he's going to be a big favorite in the tournament, UNLESS the KOTR finals is before the street fight with Shane McMahon.
LOL @ Kane in the WWFNY arcade. Whenever Kane is put in a corny role, like the Stacker 2 commercials, it's soooo damn funny because he looks so out of place. The one Stacker 2 commercial with the scooter always cracks me up, and having him attempt to win a prize on those ruthless arcade machines was just classic. I wish I could punch through one of those damn machines, because the claw NEVER grabs anything without 10 tries or so. Here's a good question though: is Kane defending the IC title at KOTR?
Great stuff by Hardcore Holly backstage, just telling the truth about Tazz. You know, I had a feeling Tazz may have had the chance to wrestle again, with Tough Enough debuting this Thursday. Plus, I have a feeling that his announcing days are over, in the near future at least. Holly called him on, and they'd later wrestle. Their match was short, too, but with Tazz choking Holly out. Wow. Could Tazz be receiving the push that every ECW fan has screamed for ever since he arrived in the WWF? If Tazz doesn't do anything else after beating Holly, expect a lot of internet bitching by ECW fans.
Our next match was the next KOTR qualifying match, with Tajiri taking on Rhyno. I marked out, bigtime, for this match. Why? First, we had the Handspring Elbow, which I'm a sucker for when anybody does it. Then, the move I've been waiting for, came. THE OCTOPUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For you fans who jumped on me about not knowing my moves, just play back RAW and hear them call the move as an Octopus! As Rhyno went to the ropes, Tajiri reversed the hold into a Tarantula!! HOLY COW! An Octopus into a Tarantula! WOW, WOW, WOW!!! Oh yeah, for those of you who are in need of a review: Here's an OCTOPUS:
And Here's a TARANTULA
Then, we had the kick at the Gore, which was damn impressive. Yet another impressive showing by Tajiri, but hey, he had Rhyno working with him, which made it much better. Rhyno would win the match, which means that Tajiri must pay his dues to climb the WWF ladder. I'm only asking for one thing for Tajiri: bring back the mist!!! After the match, William Regal yelled at Tajiri for screwing up the match. Maybe he was really frustrated with the way he talked to Austin....
Ahem, now that my marking out button has been turned off.......... Next, we get who Sara's Stalker was. Before this, we had a review of the Stalker segments and then we had our last segment, which said the Stalker would reveal himself last night. I felt sort of rushed, but I just wanted the strange angle to end. The Stalker ended up being Diamond Dallas Page. You know, I could go on and on about how badly booked this angle has been, for it was never intended to end up having DDP as the guy behind the Black Scorpion voice. But who cares? Diamond Dallas Page is in the WWF now, and that's what really matters to me. It's better him as the Stalker than Vince McMahon, the real actual voice of the segments. It's great that DDP will be given a big chance to shine under the WWFE banner.
The next match was Perry Saturn vs. Edge, and NOT Saturn vs. Test. D'oh. Yet another quick match. The ending to this match intrigued me the most, though. During an earlier segment, Edge and Christian argued about the Spear. So Edge didn't do the Spear, and why? Well, Rhyno sort of has that, as does a guy that the WWF wants really badly. Then, Edge didn't even try his old finisher, the Downward Spiral, or whatever it was called. He did his own version of the Flatliner. Well, Kanyon has been rumored to be signing with the WWF soon. Hmmm.... Edge beat Perry with a JUMPING DDT. I like Edge's backwards -x-factor, myself, to be a finisher. Oh well.
Phew!!! Coming into the Matt Hardy vs. PRINCE Albert match up, I figured that PRINCE Albert would be winning the title. To me, he'd be better off with the IC title, because European Title competitors are usually smaller wrestlers. And you know what made me very sick during this match? As Paul Heyman and Jim Ross were doing their lovefest about PRINCE Albert, they didn't say a single thing about Matt Hardy or any of his potential. That's bullshit. Matt Hardy has given his blood, sweat, and soul to the WWF, and as the defending champion, what does he get? No respect. Yeah, I know that the WWF is trying their hardest to push Albert, but come on... Hardy has shown more that he's going to be a bigger player in the WWF than Albert will ever be, but yet the announcers can't even say something good about him just once!! Hardy did win the match, but off of a LAME DQ finish when PRINCE Albert kept choking Matt on the ground. Whoppee!
Then, PRINCE Albert goes for the Albert-Bomb, to which Lita hits him where it hurts. Matt Hardy gets the better of Albert then, and that triggers X-Pac and Justin Credible to run down. If the WWF is going to push X-Pac and Credible as a tag team, at least they have a solid finisher already. The double superkick is pretty impressive and vicious as a finisher, and it's very believeable to defeat anyone. Massive beatdown eventually occurs, even when Jeff Hardy runs down. Notice throughout this segment that I kept putting "PRINCE", in capital letters, in front of Albert. I'm in a habit of doing that, and a few, I guess, hardcore X-Factor fans jumped all over me for this habit. Well, now I'm doing it on purpose, just in spite of those guys. Do you like those apples?
Well........... Well it's the Big Jobber. It's about time that the WWF uses the Big Show properly. I found it very hypocritical when Jim Ross would say "Big Show could lose some weight these days and work on his attitude", and then we see Big Show just destroying another opponent. Now, he's lost to Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, and Christian. What a guy. Christian advances to the KOTR finals. Before this match, there were plenty of crazy jealousy segments between Angle, Rhyno, Edge, and Christian, and hey, they are all in the Semis now.
And what does that mean? It means a good KOTR, that's what it means. Out of the 8 wrestlers, besides Tajiri, I'd prefer this line up more than any. These 4 guys have teamed together many of times, and it's pretty intriguing on who will win. I'm sticking with Kurt Angle, but the Edge vs. Christian match could be big. I don't think this year's tourney will be a bust, like last year's.
Finally, we have the main event. You know, I've seen many people argue and bitch about Spike Dudley getting the living daylights kicked out of him, but God damn it, doesn't anybody see the big picture for him? He's only been in the WWF 3 months, and he gets a WWF World Title shot against Austin to headline Smackdown. That's big, and it's more than any ECW wrestler would ever ask for. Yeah, he got his teeth kicked in, but did he ever have any offense against Mike Awesome or Bam Bam Bigelow when it came to big matches? No, he got his ass beat. Austin, I think, it a much more better all around wrestler than Awesome or Bigelow, so it makes a hell of a lot of sense when Austin just whipped all over Spike. And look at what happened last night. Spike was in the Main Event, AGAIN!!!
The match was Dudley Boyz/Steve Austin vs. Jericho/Benoit/Spike. However, it was originally Dudley Boyz vs. Jericho/Benoit, which I predicted in my column, yesterday. I bet you that this match could STILL occur on Thursday, with Austin possibly helping the Dudleys to win the titles. Ya know, teaming the Dudleys with Austin might not be a bad idea, especially when D'Von and Bubba haven't been able to do that much as faces anymore. Not a bad suggestion, especially when the Dudleys worked well with Austin, as a team, until the very end. Dudleys have that redneck mentality, and can be as psycho as Austin, when asked.
The 6 man was a fun match to watch, and it had Steve Austin tapping at the very end to the Walls of Crippler Crossface. That could signal who will win this Sunday, unless something screwy occurs on Smackdown, like Austin helping the Dudleys win the Tag Titles. :)
LAST WORD: This was a well rounded show, with a big DDP surprise and some good matches. However, it did have some speedy matches, especially ones that would have been great in longer times. But anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with this show, and I anticipate King of the Ring, very much, now. I'll give this show an
-KOTR Semi-Finals Match: Kurt Angle vs. Christian
-KOTR Semi-Finals Match: Rhyno vs. Edge
-Street Fight: Kurt Angle vs. Shane McMahon
-Hardy Boyz and Lita vs. X-Factor
-Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Steve Austin
I'm thinking that something will develop with the Dudleys to put them on the Pay Per View. Also, will the Hardcore Title or Intercontinental title be defended? Tune in for Smackdown!
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@That's it for today. I'll be back, tomorrow, with Ratings Analysis and whatever else comes to mind. It seems as though I'm an uncharismatic robot when I do my conclusions, doesn't it? Just chill till the next episode.
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