Welcome back to the Phat Daily Column. After a day hiatus, in which I pointed the FINGER OF SHAME at the Compaq From Hell and also, I played hockey, and like I've said before, if you get the opportunity to play the great game of hockey, you take that opportunity!!!

First of all, I just want to take a moment to say how much I appreciate the readers. Not only for the over 200 e-mails on helping me out for my computer when asked, but just everything in general. LoP readers are the best wrestling fans on the planet, I'm convinced on that.

For the Compaq From Hell..... I couldn't believe how much advice I received for my problem. I had computer operators, network administrators, and anyone in the field of computer science e-mailing me with advice! It was truly amazing, and I want to thank you all. Here's what I did so far, but the problem continues: I uninstalled ALL Norton and McAfee software to see if that was the problem, especially with Crashguard. That didn't work. Then, I looked in the "details" section, and it finally showed something. It said there was a conflict with the kernel32.dll file with the Program Manager or Explorer.exe. So I went to Microsoft.com and updated that file. Now it says "unknown" in the details, which has me scratching my head. I then later updated my Internet Explorer to the latest edition (from 5.0 to 5.5), since that was a suggestion, too.

For those of you who are wondering what dinosaur of a computer I'm using, here are my specifications, for the Compaq Presario 4784: I have Windows 95 - 32 MB RAM - 4.5 GB Harddrive - 200 Mhz Pentium Processor. Yeah, it's a piece of shit, but hey, it keeps me on my toes on conserving space, not opening too many windows, etc.

The problem I have is this: It seems that after I log on to the internet, and after I load up Internet Explorer (even the updated one now), I get an Illegal Operation notice, which says my Program Manager (which Crashguard said) or Explorer has crashed. In details, it mentions Explorer.exe with a problem in an "unknown" module. Before, it was the kernel32.dll file, which I updated, in place of the "unknown" now listed in the details. After I have no choice but to hit Close on the Illegal Operation message, my whole bottom taskbar disappears, which you can see by Clicking Here. Yes, that's Walter Payton on my desktop, who I grew up idolizing and he's my hero forever.

That's it for Tito's Tech Report, on to the PDC.

This PDC session is going to be wrote as I watch Smackdown, to kill 2 birds with 1 stone on time just to get a column out there. I'm coming to you from the Laptop, since I can't see the television when using the Compaq from Hell.

By the way, did I ever mention that I LOVE the opening Smackdown theme?

Wow, Edge and Christian booked against Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit for no reason or build up, for it's the opening part of the show. Hey, I'll take that, anytime, in place of a long Vince McMahon or whoever else interview, which I'm sure will happen later on the show. I wish Benoit and Jericho could get a theme together to cut down their separate entrances, to give a bigger pop for the crowd. Maybe. Jericho played the face in peril for a lot of this match, or as Mr. Scott Keith would say, Jericho was playing the role of Ricky Morton. Wow, Benoit played Ricky Morton, too. Great finish to the match, with Christian hitting Edge to allow Jericho/Benoit to win. What a great oldschool tag team match, with faces in peril, cheating, and classic tag moves or strategy.

After the match, Edge and Christian yell at each other, which some may say will set up the finals. My money says Kurt Angle will become a 2 time, 2 time, 2 time King of the Ring champ. If he uses that phrase, we could set up a DDP vs. Angle match at Invasion. In my dreams.

It's amazing that Spike Dudley can just talk normally, when in ECW, he was acting like a drugged up lunatic! His brothers said they won't help him later on in the night...

Big Show vs. Raven?!?! That's a WCW dream match. Yeah, that was sarcasm. The 40 year old Raven probably shook his head at the booking sheet when he knew he had to bump around for the biggest underachiever in the WWF, ever. This is yet another match, made without sense. Big Show just went through him like a wet paper towel, to which it makes me wonder where they are going with him.

Funny segment with Steve Austin and Sgt. Slaughter, with Austin playing a great wimpy heel there. I wonder if Jack Brisco or Pat Patterson, two guys who have taken beatdowns from Austin, will sign it?

Note to Terri and Dean Malenko: A night off from wrestling won't cure Perry Saturn's brain damage. I'm telling you, a lot of the fans are really digging Saturn's new gimmick or storyline.

Oh lord, K-Kwik is back, and I just loved to hear the crowd booing him since he had to fight Matt Hardy. They aren't booing him because he's a heel........ I guess K-Kwik has turned heel, since he tried to use the ropes? Beautiful spinning heel kick by K-Kwik during this match. Good spotfest here, with K-Kwik not botching up anything for the first time in a while. I noticed that K-Kwik is decent on the mic when he can sing. Why not let him talk on the mic?

Who was that Tony Shiavone look-a-like in the telephone booth when Steve Austin was backstage? Austin got good old Jim Ross to sign it, but against his will with no friendliness like we saw with Slaughter.

Our next backstage segment shows that X-Pac is firmly the leader of this wonderful group called X-Factor. Our Olympic hero Kurt Angle came in to save the day. Funny stuff with Angle talking about Justin Credible's name.

Perry is looney! We get our first William Regal segment, to which he says Tajiri gets his first WWF television match! YESSS!! Austin and Regal can work well together, thanks to their pretty close friendship. Their segments are a riot to watch.

Keep Rollin, Rollin, Rollin, Rollin..... that's the Undertaker rolling down the ring because he's too old and battered from professional wrestling. Can't wait to watch him no sell Kurt Angle in this match, just like the others. Kurt gets the loudest boos of anyone in the WWF, besides Regal at times. Lame DQ finish, with Undertaker cheaply using the steel stairs. Hey, it didn't give X-Factor the opportunity to cheat for Angle. Credible and Xpac ran down afterward to take the Undertaker beatdown. Now that's entertaining. I don't think I've seen anybody take a higher Last Ride powerbomb than Xpac. Taker nearly tossed him over his head.

Test is coming down: SMELL THE CHARISMA!!! By the way, they mentioned that Perry Saturn and Terri will be on Heat this Sunday. Let's hope that it goes better than their last appearance.... Rhyno is Test's opponent, for this Hardcore match. The fire extinguisher to the abs couldn't have felt good. I think the WWF should find something better to use than trashcans for their hardcore matches. I never knew the WWF stored trashcans underneath the ring. Same thing with Roadsigns. Nice superplex on the trashcan, which couldn't have felt good. Wow, Shane McMahon came out... with Ms. Hancock!! Wow, and she's not pregnant! Stacy's assets helped Test get the win to a decently brutal hardcore match. I don't know what giving the hardcore title to Test will do, though.

And you know what's interesting about Stacy Kiebler? She originally came to WCW just to be a Nitro Girl, for she won that contest named Sky. It's amazing on how far she's come along. Backstage, Austin convinced Howard Finkle to sign the petition. I wish the WWF would use Finkle more on their television shows to add a little more professionalism in calling the matches. The other two announcers are good, but NOBODY is better than Finkle.

Oh baby, one of my favorite wrestlers, Tajiri, is facing someone who doesn't like me very much, Crash Holly. Take a guess who I'm cheering for? Get him buzzsaw!!! Nice kick by Tajiri, to launch Crashy-Poo on the outside. I'm noticing that Tajiri has a hook or a snap on his kicks, to lessen the stiffness he once had in ECW. Of course, that's very understandable. TARANTULA!!!!!!! If he does the Octopus, sometime soon, I swear I'll mark out. Oh damn, Crash took a hard kick, which made him lose at the end. Great stuff by Tajiri, and good selling by Crash, who was out there to entertain.

She 8 the garbage can! Perry Saturn is looney, indeed. Oh joy, we get another Stalker segment, although it interrupted the est interview. Sara was quite revealing by the pool.... Since Vince McMahon is doing a divorce angle, does that mean he's looking for fresh meat in the Undertaker's wife?

Wow! Spike Dudley getting the chance to show up Steve Austin by ripping up his petition, after Austin called Molly a "bimbo". Hey, just because she hung around Macho Man in WCW, doesn't mean she was polishing his knob, like Gorgeous George was, there for a while.

Kane vs. Albert: Thank God it's not a Pay Per View match. I find it funny that Kane's cast, for his broken arm, reduces by the week. Kane retains the IC title, in a pretty good match by two very big wrestlers. This is probably the best big man match I've seen in a while, with both guys doing some good counters.

Blue crayons have fiber. Saturn took another shot to the head, which was intentionally aimed towards the broad who was impressed by Perry's lost mind. 4 Perry Saturn segments in one night? Glad to see the WWF giving some effort for his character. You're welcome.

Oh wow, Spike Dudley gets a World Title shot for ripping up a petition. If only the other WWF wrestlers were that smart to get an easy title shot. Just a brutal beatdown by Austin on little Spike Dudley. I liked how he tried both Benoit and Jericho's submission holds, showing that the two contenders are on his mind. I'll laugh it any ECW marks cry that Spike should have won that match. Austin attacked poor Spike, with a chair, afterward, showing that he's a sick, sick bastard. He was going after Molly, and then Jericho/Benoit came down to save the day. Heroic ending, which I believe will set up Jericho/Benoit vs. the Dudleys, since D'Von and Bubba will be mad at the Canadians for protecting Spike.

LAST WORD: Pretty good show all around, although it had an unannounced main event, which could be why the overnight rating is sort of low today. I was pretty much satisfied with this show, but not shocked, so we'll go


(B plus), just like RAW. It's a toss up on which show I liked better, this week. I guess slightly Smackdown, despite the grades being the same. RAW barely got the B+ grade, while Smackdown firmly got it.

MARIO TENNIS: New Tennis Court descriptions added! Also: Codes, Cheats, Hidden Characters and Courts, and Much More information about this Great Nintendo 64 game!!!!

NEWS ORGY: Swordfish Movie Review and more so Click Here to join the Orgy!

CLICK HERE to listen to the latest show, which has former ECW and shortly WCW star Kid Kash!!! Legendary Hardly Race will be on the show for June 20th, which you don't want to miss! Be sure to check regularly for any announcements concerning possible guests on the show. Also, listen to the archives, which features interviews with Bobby "the Brain Heenan", Daffney, Spike Dudley, Dr. Death, Dusty Rhodes, Lenny Lane, and more!

Backyard BBQ: The Best in Backyard Wrestling!


@That's it for today. I HOPE to be back, tomorrow, with the new Week in Review PDC. See ya'll tomorrow!

Phat Pharm: New Wrestling Columns!

Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.

Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to Lordsofpain.net