It's Tuesday, and that means it's RAW review day! Yipee!! As tradition goes, I'm going to review RAW is WAR to my best of my abilities. Well, I'll at least try to review it, because I don't have 3 hours to write up a special review like SOME people, wink wink.
I have a little challenge for the WWF. How about releasing an official list of the guys who have signed WWFE contracts to be a part of WCW? It would stop the endless bullshit rumors about who has been signed and who hasn't. It would do the WWF, the wrestlers, and the whole internet a favor.
Also, on the aftermatch of discovering Vince McMahon as the actual voice of the Stalker with special radio equipment, could someone do me a favor? I want a cleared up version of the Black Scorpion, the Shockmaster, Kaientai, and La Parka voices, if that's anyway possible. The first two could be found at WrestleCrap.com, while the others, you'd have to search. If you're going to send them, be sure they aren't ridiculous in size.
I'm on shakey grounds because the Compaq from Hell's program manager has crashed a full 3 times this morning, just before I started to write my column. On the 3rd time, I said "fuck it", and I'm typing this column without the bottom taskbar. I have two windows open: Wordpad to write the column and Internet Explorer. It's quite amusing, and I'll be saving every 5 minutes to be sure I write a column today.
Again on the Shouts.... I've stopped doing them because my e-mail is too slow off the server, and operating with a 56K modem makes it *that* much harder. Therefore, it would take me ages, now, to compile your Shouts for Wednesday's PDC. Sorry, as I'm pissed I can't continue the feature, either.
Anyway, on to the PDC before this damned computer blows up.
Our opening segment is a interview with evil William Regal. Good lord, do the fans hate him lately. It's a shame he's too injury prone as a wrestler, or the WWF would have a mega heel on their hands. Oh wait, that would take away from Stone Cold Steve Austin. Oh wait again, Austin and Regal are close friends. Yes, I was just kidding there. Mick Foley would come out to babble on some more, as if we haven't heard him talk a lot lately. Then Monotone Linda comes down to remind us of her emotion-less voice, and then we get matches because she has leverage off the slowest divorce in history. I can hardly contain myself.
Oh my, the Edge, Rhyno, and Christian segment, backstage, was quite hilarious. Edge and Christian are two gems that the WWF is very lucky to have. It's just a shame that the great talkers don't have as much mic time as they should. Christian had to fight Kane in a King of the Ring qualifying match, which had screwjob written all over it. I told my brother before I watched this match: "I bet Prince Albert interferes". And they say the WWF isn't predictable.... Yeah, that's why I've got a good Pay Per View prediction record this year. Albert did come down and he helped Christian win. I really hope that Albert is set up to put over Kane. Albert only has potential in the eyes of Jim Ross or anybody who appreciates Albert's old man, George the Animal Steele. Kane is a 100 times more marketable as Intercontinental Champ, but hey, the WWF likes to take risks with titles. After all, they did make Big Show the Hardcore champ a few weeks ago, right? What a great risk that was.
Odd explanation about why Eddie Guerrero is out, but Eddie's constant injuries forced his addiction to pain killers, unlike Brian Christopher, who liked to sniff anything to get him high on purpose. That's the difference. Anyway, we got X-Fucktor against the Hardy Boyz, in which the BETTER team won. That's it, I'm saying this now: X-FACTOR SUCKS. Good to see them putting over the greater team, like they should. They should add Billy Gunn and the Big Show to strengthen their group, har har. I mean, Justin Credible has been a total bust in the WWF. He's done NOTHING to impress myself or anybody else. X-Pac just wrestles the same as he always has: stupid kicks and trying to set up the Bronco Buster. Big deal. Are these the guys the WWF plans to eventually have the tag titles on? I'd rather see the Godwins come back and win the titles at this point than those two losers.
One quick question: What was with the hug between Vince and Austin??? I guess that's the new way to get Austin over as a heel: hints of homosexuality. "Anything can happen in the WWF" Quoting Vince McMahon.
Wow, the WWF hasn't done a handicap match in a while. Are they going to start those up again? I did enjoy the ending to the match, and Rhyno's explanation afterwards to why he GORED Big Show so that he could pin Chris Jericho. I hope that Rhyno could get a quick match with the Big Show to make up for the joke of a clean win on a few RAWs a while back.
Kurt Angle is another one who is drawing monster heat, much higher than one Steve Austin. He ripped the Richmond crowd a new one, although his comments about the Civil War were pretty controversial. Anyway, Shane McMahon told Kane that Angle was behind the Stalker, so the Undertaker came out and attacked him. Angle did get in a good shot at Sara, though, before the Undertaker could attack. Is anybody anticipating Vince McMahon to be revealed as the Stalker? Great stuff, afterward, with Shane giving Angle the Olympic Slam.
Wow, Perry Saturn beat Shane's pal, Steve Blackman, to get into the King of the Ring. I suppose Saturn is getting in since his buddy, Eddie Guerrero, isn't there to carry some matches. It seems, though, that Saturn's new goofy gimmick is slowly working for the man. It's about damn time he found something for the "sports entertainment" world in the WWF. The sad thing is that Saturn is complaining about his new role, despite it being his best WWF success yet!!!
The backstage segment with Spike Dudley and Molly Holly where Crash and Hardcore got on Molly, and then the Dudley's yelling at Spike was very well played out. Great writing or setting up there. This feud sort of reminds me of the Pam and Bobby relationship on the show Dallas, where it sparked a feud between Barnes family and the Ewings. Ah, what a show. Too bad the writers lost their minds after about 5 years, especially on Bobby's death and then reappearance later on. The 6 man/woman match was decent, as they've fought each other a lot lately. Dudleys get the win, and Spike gets his kiss at the end. I guess the Hollys are the Barnes, and the Dudleys are the Ewings.
Our final match was an excellent cage match between Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle, with some intense bumps. First, the belly-to-back suplex off the top rope was just rough. Then, Angle took the spot of his life with the missed moonsault off the top of the cage (!!!). Finally, Chris Benoit did his swan dive headbutt off the top of the cage, which looked frightening for the Crippler, because his neck sort of snapped on the impact. But hey, he's tough, so it won't break. Austin screwed Benoit out of the win, which puts an emphasis on Austin's mental status, since he attacked Jericho earlier. Good stuff there.
LAST WORD: Pretty good show all around, despite a few odd moments. Backstage segments were pretty entertaining, again, the midcard matches were decent, and the main event was pretty strong. That gives this show a Tito-grade of a
-Prince Albert vs. Kane
-King of the Ring Tournament (Winner now: Kurt Angle)
-Shane McMahon vs. Kurt Angle
-Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit
Just a couple suggestions, although I won't say these are the best, but just my opinion. I think the WWF could see a BIG money match if they were to have Benoit and Jericho BOTH pin Austin for the title at the same time, and then have a HUGE match on RAW the following night for the title between Benoit and Jericho. It's just a suggestion to get a quick ratings boom. Also, you can't go wrong with having a WCW wrestler either interfering with the Shane match or Kurt Angle's King of the Ring finalist match. If they could get Diamond Dallas Page or Booker T to run down, that would be MEGA-HUGE to create a huge buzz in the industry. Think about it.
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@That's all for today. Sorry if I was a little more tense than usual, for this damned computer is pissing me off like no other. Once I get the cash flow going, I just may have to put this bastard of a computer out to the pasture. FINGER OF SHAME to the Compaq from Hell. I'll be back tomorrow with Ratings Analysis, and whatever else. See you tomorrow!
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Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.