Welcome to yet another cherished edition of the Phat Daily Column. Today, we'll discuss the show that was RAW last night, as the WWE tried to continue their momentum of more interesting shows lately. Of course, it's apparent that RAW is becoming the WWE of old and that Smackdown is the WWE of new, whatever that will become.
Just look... all of the wrestlers from 1999 until 2000 are being flushed down to RAW, with a few exceptions of some major breakout stars of late staying at Smackdown. Jericho is considered burned out as a big name to SOME (not me though), as is Storm, Christian, and Test, the very lame Team Canada Volume 3. How about Triple H? The biggest failure of a top face possible. Well, not Lex Luger failure, but still pretty big. I don't think many more trades will be made, unless, say, Rob Van Dam possibly gets stolen from RAW, or maybe even Booker T.
So RAW will now become the show where the old hold down the new, and Smackdown will be left unprotected for many new wrestling talents to finally be able to shine! They have Hulk Hogan, yes, but hell, he was vital in giving Edge some extra popularity during their Tag Title run. Maybe he could do that for another star? Maybe he could help put Brock Lesnar over? This is getting very interesting on how the dynamics of the shows keep changing by the week.
How long will this last? I figure that if the Smackdown roster, with newer or unpushed talent on it, flops, then trades will be made to put, say the Undertaker on the show or Triple H, again, to install that glass ceiling back on Smackdown. I seriously hope that this method really works and that Smackdown pumps out new stars by the week! And if it's a success, it might be worth it just to watch one WWE show a week, as RAW will have it's usual WWE problems of politics dictating any elevation of other wrestlers.
Then again, you know who is GM of Smackdown...
On to the PDC.
So Team Canada Volume 3, or Unamericans as I thought I heard the announcers call them, cuts their boring promo on America's problems, such as the economy and not remembering vital things to be an American, such as the Bill of Rights, etc, etc, help me, I'm falling asleep! So boring. Out of nowhere, Shawn Michaels comes down, and reminds us of the lame feud he's having with Triple H. Man, I'm having a bad problem with my sinuses. I can't smell the ratings at all! Test took offense at HBK interrupting them, and HBK said they were mad at him for the many times he kicked Bret Hart's ass. Ohhhh, that was so 1997 of him. HBK would leave, and the Unamericans would promise to do something later tonight. Yeah, beat up the Undertaker so that they can badly lose a 3 on 1 handicap match next week on RAW.
At least the Tag Titles are now on RAW. I guess putting the Island Boyz on RAW wasn't a bad decision overall, if this was the long term plan.
Good television match between Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. This has been their second encounter, and Booker T has won both of them. Hmmm. It's funny with Booker T, as the WWE elevates him one moment, and then makes him lose in another. Here we go... He was pretty much humiliated by the Big Show on RAW 2 weeks ago, he beat Big Show at Vengeance, he lost to Chris Benoit last week on RAW, and beats Eddie Guerrero last night. Does that make any sense to you? Of course, at least he doesn't lose every match like Eddie Guerrero... Make up your mind, WWE, on what you want to make Booker T anymore, instead of ruining him with your booking on the fly crap.
Eric Bischoff ran out to the parking lot, expecting to find Stephanie, but instead, he found Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young. Give credit to the WWE for televising these two old farts for the sake of promoting Moolah's biography, although don't give them credit for what they put the ladies through later in the show.
Did I mention that I HATE intergender matches? This week, it was Big Show and Molly Holly versus Trish Stratus and her usual partner in crime anymore, Bubba Ray Dudley. I guess this makes sense, given the fact that Bubba saved his brother Spike from Big Show last week or whatever. I liked how they beat Molly Holly with the Doomsday Device, the great finisher of the Legion of Doom or Road Warriors. I always disliked how the Dudley Boyz used that as a regular move. I guess this one was a better match than last week, but still, it seems nothing more than lame filler matches to me.
Our next match was Jeff Hardy vs. Bradshaw for the belt that should no longer exist, the Hardcore title. I thought this was a perfectly acceptable hardcore bout, and I was satisfied with Jeff Hardy getting the big win over Bradshaw. If you're going to make Jeff into a "big superstar", make him win every once and a while and see what happens. This was a big win for him, but his big win was immediately buried by pathetic Hardcore rules bullshit. And I mean bullshit! Johnny "the WWE fans have no clue who I am" or "the Bull" would run down and beat Jeff Hardy for the Hardcore Title. BULLSHIT! And then, Tommy Dreamer would the Bull for the Hardcore Title, run off, and have a staredown with Bradshaw for a future, and let me say it, RATINGS GRABBING Bradshaw vs. Tommy Dreamer hardcore match (sarcasm). Damn these sinuses, as I still can't smell the ratings! Complete BULLSHIT! It totally buried Jeff Hardy, and it's usual bullshit like this that never gives Jeff Hardy any opportunities to climb the WWE ladder. Oh, let's have him get nearly killed by the Undertaker! Oh, let's not hype his Pay Per View match! Oh, let's get rid of the title he's holding! Oh, let's erase his big Hardcore title win against Bradshaw with pathetic Hardcore rules! Oh, let's turn off the television because this week's show sucked!
Next, it was the much anticipated Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit match. Now, while I'll say it was a good wrestling match, it was nothing breakthrough or innovative. It seemed like Rob Van Dam tried too much to adapt to Benoit's technical style, instead of his usual spotfest style. Still, I liked watching it, and I believe they are going to blow the lid off in their probably rematch at Summerslam. Man, that was a totally botched missed 5-Star Frog splash, and I laughed at Jim Ross saying how it didn't hurt Benoit that much because RVD landed on him wrong. Huh? That's a 220 pound guy jumping on you with full force, and it should hurt no matter where it's at. Benoit beat RVD for the Intercontinental title, cheaply I might add, probably setting up an awesome rematch at Summerslam.
I hated the next segment. Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah had THREE minutes to promote Moolah's book. I'm guessing Moolah was hoping for a big pop when she said "Cindy Lauper sucks"? 3 minutes were up, and the Island Boyz came down and attacked them. This is just too disgusting. The WWE is becoming way too desparate to push the envelop anymore.
Bischoff would come down to the ring and announce that he can make things happen with the SNAP of his fingers. That would prompt an angry Undertaker to come down and set up Wrestlers vs. Boss feud number 27474645757377373 in the past 5 years. That's a lot of Boss vs. Wrestler feuds, let me tell you that. Chris Nowinski would come down to stink up this segment, EVEN MORE, and then set up a match with the Undertaker to get embarrassed in.
Next match was Undertaker vs. Chris Nowinski, and did you guess that Nowinski actually put up a fight? FOOLED YOU! Total squash, yet again. Undertaker wins easily, becoming more immortal in his face role. Afterward, Team Canada or Unamericans would hit the ring and attack the Undertaker. Hmmm, I guessing it will be Test vs. Undertaker at Summerslam now, pitting Hoss vs. Hoss, and to hype that, the Undertaker will probably singlehandedly beat the tag champs, Storm and Christian, in a handicap match. That, or beat all 3 in a handicap match.
And now, for the WORST interview in the history of professional wrestling. I'm serious, too, as the Rock was with Johnathan Coachman in a totally embarrassing and insulting segment in wrestling. Rock hinted that Coachman liked to "stick his microphone into Cows", yadda yadda yadda. Just crap, and this took a good 15 minutes or so. I wish I could get that time back, as this show as total crap when it came to interview or promo segments tonight. Especially this one. After a while of lame cowfucking jokes on Coachman, Rock finally started to talk about his match with Ric Flair, wasting more time with strutting around the scene. Oh my God, that was so terrible! You couldn't pay me to sit through that one again.
Next, we had yet another bad interview segment, as Triple H came down and told everyone why he attacked Shawn Michaels. He also revealed that he was the one who suggested to Bischoff that HBK would be his manager. Crowd was totally dead for this one. After more time was wasted, someone told Triple H to come to the back. There, Shawn Michaels was a bloody mess, laying on the ground as if someone BIG punched him through his window in his car. That's 3 stretcher jobs in one night. Anybody care, anymore, about these mysteries that the WWE tries on their shows? Big Show did it, in my opinion, but I seriously don't care anymore.
And finally, Rock vs. Ric Flair. Why so many non-title defenses by the Rock already? I thought the match, overall, was pretty entertaining, as the two worked well together, but it had too abrupt of an ending. After Flair was pounding on Rock for something, he just jumped up, Rock Bottom, and that was it. I did really enjoy how Flair avoided the People's Elbow by slapping Rock in the Figure 4. After the match, Flair was supposed to deliver some kind of announcement, but was cut off by the 4th RAW steal of the night, Chris Jericho. Good ending, as everyone probably thought the Unamericans were the only ones stolen by Bischoff.
LAST WORD: Oh my God, what a mess of a show! The matches were good, as a whole, on this show, but damn, all of the interview promos sucked ass and there were plenty of them. Plus, that Hardcore match finish was garbage! But Jesus, give these wrestlers something interesting to say in their interviews.
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