Welcome, one and all, to another edition of the Phat Daily Column. I am your host with an attitude problem, Mr. Tito. Today, we'll take a look at last night's edition of RAW and see if it didn't suck like the previous shows before it. RAW's roster is CLEARLY less talented than the Smackdown one, if you didn't notice that yet.

I didn't see ANY of the 4 WWE shows this past weekend, as if that matters. Just wasn't motivated to tape any of it, although I should at least tape Velocity and Confidential, and then casually watch those shows as the days go by. Looking at Velocity, it was a Cruiserweight oriented show this past weekend, which caught my attention.

On to the PDC.


RAW started off with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman coming down to the ring. Since RVD was, I guess, late for the event, Heyman figured he could one up Kurt Angle from his challenge on Smackdown. Heyman would say that Brock would take on any veteran from the back, and the Nature Boy, Ric Flair would then come out. It's not that I don't want to see this match, but Ric Flair wrestling should be a big deal. Why hotshot him off without hyping it? Anyway, Flair vs. Lesnar was the first match...

Ric Flair vs. Brock Lesnar was decent, with Brock trying to look dominant against Flair's cheap offense. Usual eyerakes and ballshots... Lots of chops, too, by Ric Flair on Lesnar. The overall problem I had with the match was the ending, as it was just abrupt and had now build up towards. Heyman was mad about Ric Flair's cheap ways, jumped to the apron to yell at the ref, to which Flair came over and punched Heyman. That would be enough distraction for Lesnar to pick up Flair and hit the F-5. That finish made Brock look so weak in the end, despite Flair being the veteran in the ring. Lesnar needed the distraction to win... come on!

Backstage, we get MORE poor acting skills from Jackie. Jesus Christ, what's with that voice? She sure didn't sound like that on Tough Enough. Jackie would blame Molly Holly for losing the tag match, in which the two would go out to the ring and brawl a little bit. Wait a second. Why is Jackie even on RAW? If she was to win the lingerie competiton, then she'd be able to choose which show she'd be on. The WWE writers are getting way off when it comes to details anymore. Molly pounded Jackie, but then confronted a charging Trish Stratus, who after ducking a clothesline, drops Molly's pants. That revealed her frontside, not her hyped up large side. I guess the point of it was that Molly wears granny underwear? Remember young ladies out there, the WWE teaches you to be anorexic!

Next match was Chris Nowinski vs. Bradshaw. Nowinski, which is hard to type I might add, said that he's NOT challenging Bradshaw for the Hardcore Title, as he's afraid of the 24/7 rule. In the ring, dumbass Bradshaw thought it was a hardcore match, and threw plenty of weapons in the ring. The referee was distracted by the weapons, insomuch that Nowinski would pick up the cowbell and hit Bradshaw with it for the win. Nice 30 second or less match there. Next week, Nowinski will get conned into wrestling a Hardcore match against Bradshaw, in which he'll probably get punked out badly by some rather stiff weapons shots. Great way to elevate that talent!

Rob Van Dam in backstage skits is just an overall nightmare for the WWE. For the fact that he's been in a few movies, RVD remains one of the worst actors backstage and in the ring.

I like how they were showing Jeff Hardy going crazy to get pumped up for his match. RVD is actually a better actor than Jeff Hardy, for the record. Lita actually came back in a later skit to wish Jeff good luck. Speaking of Lita, I found it funny that many columnists or newsletter writers made fun of what she said recently on RAW at WWE World: "it's not worth the risk". I didn't really listen for any speech impediments, although I'll admit that nobody in Team Extreme can seriously talk. Just listen to Jeff Hardy speak, especially, when he yells at the Undertaker. He doesn't make any sense.

Here's some knowledge for you. Dan Rather, CBS's main news anchor, is actually from Texas, and when he started out in the communications business, he had a heavy Texas accent. Well, low and behold, someone gave Rather a speech teacher, which taught him to speak a different way or to pronounce his words differently. Look at him now. You can't hear that accent. The WWE needs to badly hire some of those speech teachers for their wrestlers, namely the Hardys with their heavy Southern accents that makes them hard to understand sometimes, just like Jeff yelling at the Undertaker.

Goldust was Darth Vader this week, as he continues to be a good comedy act every week. He would confront Booker T at first, in which Booker T bashed Star Wars fans. How dare he! Then, Gold Vader would confront the Big Show and do the Empire Strikes Back famous phrase, "I am your father". Goofing on Big Show's father is ok, given that the WWE has already done that in the past. Remember, Big Show's father died of Cancer or something in the WWF STORYLINES, and they had a staged funeral and everything for it. Then, the Big Bossman would steal the casket. Kevin Nash would be there to attack Goldust, laying him out for the tag match later. X-Pac was laid out by someone too, but it was never announced who it was...

Backstage, Eddie Guerrero was jawing with Vince McMahon, and then Chris Benoit in tights would walk in. I guess he struck a deal with McMahon to put him on the RAW show, which I hope is explained sometime soon. How about this? Give William Regal and his European title to WWE Smackdown. With the many midcarders there, they could use a title to fight over instead of having many senseless singles matches. By the way, Benoit is wrestling his first match in a long time, and they didn't even announce it early or build it up to be something. Geesh. The WWE wonders why they can't spike ratings anymore.

Next match was Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal. Striking similarities to the Wrestlemania 17 match... Regal has to be the most lazy European title holder in recent times. He never defends that belt, even on Pay Per Views now. Rob Van Dam would win via Frog Splash, and then use his poor mic skills to call out Brock Lesnar. It was hilarious to hear the crowd booing the decision to have Lesnar vs. Rob Van Dam at Vengeance instead of last night. Lesnar and RVD will have wrestled 3 television/PPV matches in the span of one month. That's a way to get fans excited.... Well, at least the thought of a clean finish could be there.

Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero took on the Dudley Boyz.... Well, Spike and Bubba Ray. BENOIT's BACK! YESSSSSSSSS! The new reason to keep watching these shows, especially the recently pitiful Monday Night RAW. I marked out when Benoit drilled Spike with those knife-edge chops. Benoit took a few bumps, such as a somewhat stiff neckbreaker by Bubba and a few on his back. Looked good. The pacing of the match was strange, with lots of fighting here and there on the outside. Clean win by the Dudleys, by the way... I guess it's somewhat deserving, though, as the WWE wants to push Bubba in the singles ranks too.

New Rey-Rey Misterio video package was shown. From what I've read through fan accounts and elsewhere, it's apparent that Misterio has packed on lots of muscle since we last saw him in WCW. Yikes, not Triple H syndrome, where Rey-Rey could be slower and unable to perform more moves because of increased muscle mass. Wrestlers need to learn from the British Bulldogs, two guys who used plenty of steroids to pack muscle on smaller frames, that they shouldn't bulk up too much for their size or it come be damaging. Of course, there's always that pressure from the WWE to get larger, which drives many wrestlers to fatal injuries or even death. Vince McMahon seriously needs to realize that.

*YAWN* at the Undertaker speaking with Terri. I have to wonder how much Terri is worth at this point as an interviewer. I'm sure they could easily find someone younger, with a better talent at interviewing, for a much cheaper price than it costs for Terri to do the gig. It's all about tenure in the WWE, ask the Undertaker.

Booker T vs. Big Show was next. Pathetic match up, especially the ending. A fucking count out?!?!? That's supposed to put Booker T over? Please. I hate how the WWE constantly protects the Big Show, despite that sloth not giving two shits about keeping in shape. Whatever. Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash would come down, and after Nash and Big Show almost fought, Michaels tried to cut a promo about how a member was missing. At first, I thought it would be a "shoot" about Scott Hall, but thankfully, I was wrong, and it was about Triple H, which really started at King of the Ring 2002 where they all met backstage. The Clique reunions don't seem to work in 2002, I've noticed. Shawn would eventually superkick Big Show, but he's still a part of the family. Awwwww... I can't wait for another Big Show face turn. Just what I wanted!

Undertaker talked with Vince McMahon about his match, and then Vince gives the Undertaker the Rock at Vengeance. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY to that one. Rock better beat the Undertaker cleanly in that one. The WWE was trying to give us the impression that the Undertaker was thinking ahead all night, as if Jeff Hardy actually had a chance.

I wasn't too high on the ladder match last night between Jeff Hardy and the Undertaker. The Undertaker just pounded Jeff into the ground all night long, and had SO many chances to climb that ladder to the top, especially early on when the Undertaker started climbing, but stopped to pound on Jeff some more. This didn't make Jeff Hardy a "big superstar" at all, in fact, it only pushed him further away from any top spots. Undertaker would shove off Jeff on the top of the ladder (they called it a chokeslam), and he would grab the title. Undertaker would go up the ramp, but want more, so he further buried Jeff with yet another powerbomb. Jeff would get on the mic and call Undertaker on again, but instead of killing Jeff one more time, the Undertaker saluted him. Oh, is that how the Undertaker puts over younger talent now?

LAST WORD: Unlike last week's RAW, this show wasn't too strong at the top of the card, but decent before that. Guerrero/Benoit vs. Dudleys and Flair vs. Lesnar were the best matches, although both of them should have been hyped better on the show. Undertaker gives no favors to the WWE by the way he constantly squashes up and coming talent. Big Show should have lost cleanly to the up and rising Booker T. The more things are said to have changed, the more they remain the same. I'll give this show a


(C minus) for a show that needs some more improvement. It's funny too, because the larger guys seem to hold this show down (Undertaker and Big Show), and we're just a short while away for Kevin Nash to start wrestling again. I predict a 3.8 in the ratings for this week's show.

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@I should be back tomorrow with something. Until then, why not chill?

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