Welcome to the latest edition of the Phat Daily Column. It's Tuesday, meaning that I've gotta review RAW from last night. And what a show it was. It was indeed like watching Nitro all over again, but not the first Bischoff era, but the second one when he returned with Vince Russo.
And yes, I did see the part on Confidential where Eric Bischoff talked about the last trump card in the deck, Bill Goldberg. Things are looking good for Goldberg right now. The need for an extra big name star, no more Vince Russo, and Eric Bischoff around, who is said to be a friend of his. Will he come in?
I say yes he will, but expect a major failure. Back when the WWE was apparently talking about bringing him in, the ratings and interest in the WWE was much higher, as that was the early days of the Split. Now, the WWE is in a downfall, and bringing in an old name might not help. The absence of Steve Austin probably doesn't help, either, as both have expressed interest in wrestling each other some day down the road.
Ah, kick me in the testicles! On to the PDC!
Eric Bischoff comes out to his new lame music. Why not pay the extra dollar to keep Back in Black or at least bring out his old NWO music? Bischoff hypes having the Rock AND newly acquired Triple H on his show tonight, and then Triple H makes his way down to the ring. Triple H then introduces Shawn Michaels, and Bischoff would announce that HBK would be the Game's manager. Sort of a play to HBK's stardom was made, and then HBK stormed out of the ring, saying nobody could tell HBK what to do, as if managing was the hardest thing in the world to do. Triple H's job would be to calm HBK down and to make sure he stays in the WWE after that. Bischoff would announce that he's unifying the European and Intercontinental titles... Wow, a few minute build up to a title unification. And a ladder match, too. You just have to love booking-on-the-fly, it's so Nitro-ish.
Our first match of the night was that ladder match to unify the midcard titles. Rob Van Dam, the IC champ, took on Jeff Hardy, the Euro champ. Overall, I thought it was a good television match, BUT not a great ladder match. But hey, it's good for WWE television in terms of matches, so take it what it is. As expected, Rob Van Dam would beat Jeff Hardy to unify the titles. So much for Jeff Hardy, eh? He meant nothing to that European title, and hasn't been the big superstar ever since the Undertaker "put him over" by shaking his hand after kicking his ass in their ladder match. And many of you said that match with the Undertaker turned him into a pushable superstars... HA! HA! HA!
Next, we had Chris Nowinski cutting an alright cocky heel promo about how he's a smart Harvard graduate. Too bad he SUCKS as a wrestler to not back that up right now. It's not like Nowinski harbors a large WWE contract right now, so what's the problem with sending him down to OVW to train some more, maybe for a year? The Undertaker would come down and just destroy Nowinski, making me fear the new FACE Undertaker. When the Undertaker is a face, he NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER loses or feels any pain. Hey, you might as well tag him up with Kane, who is returning very shortly to make an immortal tag team again. Remember their match with Kronic? How about those apples?
Nice to see Rhyno making a short television appearance, despite not returning for a while. It ended that question about "why wasn't Rhyno drafted" when the Split occurred. He's a free agent, I suppose, and let's remember that he was fired from the Alliance during the Invasion, so he's been a free agent ever since that.
I hate mixed tag matches. With that being said, Bubba Ray and Trish Stratus versus William Regal and Molly Holly was yet another boring example, although it had a better ending than most of them. I'm curious to whom Bubba is feuding with now? Is it William Regal or is it the Big Show?
Funny interaction with Chris Benoit and Eric Bischoff, especially considering that Bischoff only used Benoit to elevate other talent instead of elevating Benoit. Case in point, Booker T, Raven, and Diamond Dallas Page badly needed Benoit to get to the next level, and Benoit was great enough to do that. Then, Kevin Nash took over as head booker in late 1998, and anybody who wasn't Nash's friend was buried. That's Benoit and others, including Chris Jericho.
The Rock would come out, do his usual catchphrases, rip on Eric Bischoff, but then things changed a little bit when Eddie Guerrero came out. Very weird and psychotic promo by Guerrero, who was upset that his daughter had a poster of the Rock on her wall. Nothing wrong with pushing Guerrero as a sickfuck, but man, don't overdo it. This would set up a Rock vs. Guerrero match for the main event, making me a very happy man. Afterward, Brock Lesnar would come out for his match, walking by the Rock without acknowledging that he was there.
Terrible squash with the Singapore cane match between Brock Lesnar and Tommy Dreamer. That's funny, because the WWE tried to somewhat elevate Dreamer with his big victory last week over Stevie Richards in a cane match. So much for that, and it's even worse when Lesnar leaves this show anyway. Hell, it gets even worse when the Undertaker ran down and attacked Lesnar after the match. Ha, the Undertaker had to be sure to make himself look good before Lesnar left. Pathetic.
I kinda liked the threat Big Show made on Shawn Michaels.
Next, we had D'Lo Brown and Shawn Stasiak in a "3 minute match", which was around a minute until HWA's Island Boys showed up and attacked Brown and Stasiak. Goofy scenario with Bischoff wanting these two to "entertain" him, too. Although I'm impressed by the Island Boys, I can't help but wonder why they debuted on a show WITHOUT THE TAG TEAM TITLES!!!!!!!!!! If you ever thought that the WWE writers were smoking crack, well, he's an example you could use. Maybe Stephanie might one day steal the team for her show, but why bother? Why not just debut them on the show with the tag titles, anyway?
The next match was for the #1 contendership of the Eurocontinental title, as it was Booker T vs. Chris Benoit. Jesus Christ, why push this match so early? And with that being said, why only give them roughly 5 minutes to do this? It was still better than most matches on RAW lately, although NOTHING like any match from the Best of 7 series. Give them 10 minutes or give them a Pay Per View match slot. Now, I'm happy to see that Benoit and Rob Van Dam will finally get it on, but I'm somewhat disgruntled with the fact that despite Booker T getting the big win on Sunday, he lost the night after. Oh well, at least Benoit is put in a better position, other than feuding with Dudley boys.
Next, it was Big Show killing Spike Dudley. I don't want to see this. It's a waste of television time, and does nothing for a big guy, especially one that lost the night before. The WWE, too, could really save some costs in jobbing their contracted wrestlers by simply going back to their old system of paying local fallguys to come in and take a beating. I hate all of these pathetic squash matches anymore.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels, complete with DX t-shirts and DX music, come down and try to revive the old gimmick. Triple H is beyond different from his old DX days, in looks and attitude. They do their old trademarks, and then Triple H kicks Shawn Michaels into a very protected pedigree. That proves that Shawn Michaels can't come back to the ring, with the way Triple H so protected him from any injury. I don't get this heel turn. Why would Triple H go to RAW anyway just for this one vendetta? Makes no sense to me.
Our main event was Rock vs. Eddie Guerrero. The People's Elbow vs. the People's Mullet. Man, why can't we just push Eddie Guerrero as a permanent guy at the top instead of throwing crap at the wall, hoping it sticks, like with the still green Brock Lesnar? This was a very good television main event, in my opinion, as Rock and Eddie worked well with each other, especially at the end. There was some drama there, and then the Rock beat Eddie with the People's Elbow. Argh! Use the ROCK BOTTOM as the finisher, not a stupid elbow. Still, it was a good main event, for a change, on RAW. If you're going to have Eddie lose anyway, why not make it an Undisputed title match? Brock would come down after the match and staredown the Rock, as if their feud will ever be convincing.
In the parking lot, we see Stephanie in a limo. Man, that's 3 consecutive big shows that she's appeared on for the WWE, including RAW. I told you she hogs television time. Anyway, she threatened Eric Bischoff that she'll KICK HIM IN THE TESTICLES, and she supposedly KICKED HIM IN THE TESTICLES by signing Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman away from Bischoff. I bet Steph would be able to KICK HIM IN THE TESTICLES by actually KICKING HIM IN THE TESTICLES. I don't seriously think that Steph KICKED HIM IN THE TESTICLES by signing away Brock, because Brock still isn't convincible as a big name guy, and plus, the two WWE brands aren't too unique enough for anyone to seriously care about talent raiding. Therefore, I don't really see her KICKING HIM IN THE TESTICLES for this instance. By the way, Paul Heyman now has the pleasure of booking himself as Lesnar's agent on Smackdown, she show that he's head creative director of. Uh oh.
LAST WORD: Some good, some bad. The bad was just ridiculous, so let me list them. First, the squash matches or squashing. 3 examples of that, as the 'Taker killed Nowinski, Brock killed Dreamer, and Big Show killed Spike Dudley. Vince McMahon loves his big guys. Secondly, Island Boys debuting as a team on a show without Tag Titles. Horrible Triple H and HBK angle from the start, which took up too much lame television time. No build up on certain things, such as unifying the midcard titles, although I have no problem with that. Come on! At least 3 of the matches were good TV matches, and I guess that makes this show watchable with a
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@Just kick me in the testicles. Holy Testicle Tuesday! Gotta love Ace Ventura. Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow with an analysis of how the ratings should have been higher, etc. Until then, don't get kicked in the testicles.
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.