It's now time for ECW on TNN. Many notice that I curse in these results. Well, ECW is extreme, so Tito will be extreme as well. On to this hour of fun!
Welcome everybody to Extreme Championship Wrestling....I'm Joey Styles, and.....
Joel Gertner: Well, well, well......never duplicated, often imitated, she'll think's she's constipated, while being penatrated(sp?) I know they'll bleep that shit, but I don't care. I'm the quintessential stud muffin, Joel, the sexual sensation, busting nuts across the nation, I did this one chick, with a remote control, and made her blink to change the station...Gertner.
Dawn Marie is coming down! Crowd is sooo horny right now! So is the television audience. Joey says she's in the center of controversy, especially Heatwave 2000. Joel says she looks finger licking good. Joel asks her if she's seen Shaft, cause if not, Joel will take her in the back and show her. LOL!!
We interrupt this ECW on TNN show...After suffering a beating by Jerry Lynn at Heatwave, Steve Corino has placed a bounty on Lynn's ass. Oh yeah, the Baldies are looking to collect. Gee, I don't think they will succeed. ECW on TNN intro promo. Ballz vs. Rob Van Dam and Tajiri vs. Justin Credible....tonight! Baldies come down to smell the ratings! Jerry Lynn comes out. They show the bloody mess he made against Corino last Sunday.
Match #1: Baldies vs. Jerry Lynn
Note: I forget the little Baldy's name. I remember Angel, and there is no Grimes..but I forget his name... Baldies pound Lynn from the start, missed doubleclothesline, and Lynn dropkicks both of them. He pounds the smaller one in the corner, but Angel powerbombs him from behind. Man in a Box hits, and Tommy Dreamer and Jazz comes down. Clotheslines over the top rope for those Baldies. Dreamer holds the Baldies up for the Jerry Lynn splash spot on the outside.......but wait, we cut to:
ECW Hotline: They talk about Hollywood heavyweights, 2 WCW superstars showed up, and a third one was turned away in the lockerroom. Also, what is cooking with Stone Cold and the Rock. Is this an ECW Hotline?
Extreme Warfare Volume 1 commercial, as I'm sick and tired of ECW advertising Volume 1 and 2 of this damn series!!! Aren't their any other videos to advertise? Remember kiddies, if you buy this video, you get a free bowl of soup!
Commercial: 2 minutes and 32 seconds
Back with the match, and we are in the crowd. Blah, I'm bored of crowd fighting. Brawl here, and a brawl there. Throw me in this wall here, and throw me down these stairs. Oh lets find some trash cans, and sell those Rubbermaids like a bitch! Now this is Extreme! Coming back to the ring, as they grab the top of their heads and walk forever! Angel on the ring aprin, and Tommy Dreamer puts the bell on his nuts, and Dreamer rings it! Ohhh, the vibrations! Dreamer runs at Angel in the corner with that wrench, but fails to connect. Dumbass Angel tries the same, but gets put in the Tree of Woe. Dreamer stands on his nuts, puts a chair on his face, and baseball slides him! Typical Dreamer here. Throws Angel outside, but Angel doesn't feel any pain, and he beats up Dreamer on the railing. Now we see Devito..that's his name!...and Lynn fighting. Slam by Angel on Dreamer, and some brawling afterward. Devito is busted open, and he's ripping out padding from the floor. Devito pulls out a table. Devito and Angel then give Dreamer a double flapjack. Devito sets up the table ringside, and Angel sloppily tries to climb the ropes. Thank God Jazz is there, as she powerbombed Angel off those ropes. Jazz then sets Angel on the table, and Dreamer hops over the ropes and hits him. In the ring, Devito pounds a busted open Jerry Lynn. Sends him for the ride, but Lynn avoids the charge, sunset flips him. 2 count only. Grappling with belly to back by Lynn, only for Devito to kick his balls. Failed Razor's Edge by Devito, which leads to a Cradle Piledriver, and 1, 2, 3, ring ring ring at 9 minutes and 2 seconds.
Winners: Jerry Lynn and Tommy Dreamer
Now that was a weak match. Dreamer and Lynn celebrate, but Scotty Anton, Jack Victory, and Steve Corino attack. Double "clappers" on Dreamer and Lynn, while Jack Victory forces Jazz to clap. Now that's funny, and that's entertainment.
Commercial: 3 minutes exactly
Extreme Replay of the match we just saw. By the way, it's sponsored by BuckWoodward.com. We now see Simon in the back with CW Anderson and Johnny Swinger. CW says that you guys should follow the Anderson legacy. Their heat is already killed since those ECW bookers make these 3 guys lose at Heatwave. Very nice. Oh boy, commercial again!
Commercial: 2 minutes and 30 seconds
Back, and Justin Credible, or should I say the Game-uh, is in the ring with Francine and her two beautiful midgets. He's just that damn good. He's fucked tonight, cause he must face Tajiri! Here he comes, and here I mark out! Octopus...please!!! He's the damn man, I swear! Commercial, as I get ready to call a rough match.
Commercial: 3 minutes and 16 seconds.
Match #2: Tajiri vs. Justin Credible
Tajiri spits the mist, and this match is underway. Kicks, reversals, hammerlock, and Francine tries to hit Tajiri. The Japanese buzzsaw goes after Francine, and Credible tries to protect his wife...ooops, wrong Kliq member, his valet, but almost kills her with the cane. Tajiri kicks Credible..really hard! Dropkick to the face, chops, and a Ric Flair flipping sent to corner by Tajiri on Credible, who gets kicked trying to run from one corner to the other. Credible, dazed, on the outside, and Tajiri chases Francine. Credible attacks Tajiri from there, sends Tajiri for the ride, but Tajiri knees Credible. Francine hooks the leg of Tajiri while on the ride, and Credible superkicks Tajiri, just like his buddy HBK. Chair in the ring, and Tajiri poorly sells a slam to the face with it. Credible attacks Tajiri in the corner forever, and takes him to another corner, but Tajiri reverses it, and chops him. Then kicks Credible, which looks for real because Credible was going for the eyerake! Ouch! "Homerun" says the Gertner. Credible then cheapshots Tajiri in the balls because this spot was obviously miscommunicated. Chinlock by Credible, but Tajiri fights it. Credible throws the Buzzsaw for the ride, but Tajiri Frankensteiners him. Tajiri tries to go for the ride, and Francine canes him in the balls, and Justin Credible just hit Tajiri with the WORST SWINGING DDT Ever!!! Oh my God, that was poorly exectuted by Credible, who landed on his knees for it. 2 count only, and thank God. Reversal, which leads to a spinning heelkick by Tajiri. Tajiri tries to climb the ropes, but Francine is there yet again. They go under the ring, where nobody can see them. Francine then gives Tajiri Herpes, and they both come out smoking cigarettes! No, I'm kidding there. They are out, and Tajiri has a hold of Francine. Distracted, Credible kicks Tajiri, sets him up for the "That's Incredible", but it's reversed! Francine tries to stop it, but she gets green mist to the face!!! Yipee! Tombstone piledriver by Tajiri, as he couldn't do it if he was in the WWF. Pin him you fool! He's just standing around! He hits Francine with the cane in the stomach, and chokes Francine with the cane as well. Good thing the PTC could give a flying fuck about TNN. The WWF is coming, so they soon win. Credible is now superhealed from a tombstone, and Tajiri kicks him down. Reversals, which gives us the Tajiri handspring elbow. Another hard kick by Tajiri, and he then pulls out a table. Cool! He puts it in the ring, and he kicks Francine hard, a few times. She's on the table now, and Tajiri goes to the top. Credible makes the save, and punches him up top. Credible shoved off, and Tajiri hits a flying roundhouse kick from the top. 2 count only. Tajiri hits Credible with the cane once, and puts him on the table. He goes to the top now, and stomps Credible through the table. 2 count only, which gets a DAMN IT by me! Credible's face into the turnbuckle, and Tajiri goes for the Tornado DDT from the top. Credible spins it around and puts Tajiri back on top. However, Tajiri almost gets it off again, and cradles Credible for a 3? No, 2 count only! Damn, that was 3!! He was ripped!! Want a bullshit ending to this? After all of this pain, Credible sadly catches a handspring Moonsault by Tajiri, and gives him a "That's Incredible" for 1, 2, 3 at 9 minutes and 21 seconds.
Winner: Justin Credible
Terrible ending, and the crowd is pissed off! I'm pissed off! Now at BobRyder.com, hot pictures and news from Heatwave 2000. How convenient for the TV screen, as there is NO adcast shown at that site. Gee, somebody's hiding behind the fact that it's the slowest loading official page on earth. ECW Upcoming Events are shown, also sponsored by BobRyder.com. Doesn't he work for WCW or something? Anarchy Rulz hype, and we see Ballz Mahoney in the ring. I hate that covered Big Balls song he has. NOBODY, and I mean nobody comes close to making that song sound good like AC/DC. Rob Van Dam comes out, with Bill Alfonzo, the best manager around. You can't find a good manager these days, I swear....unless they are loaded with silicon. RVD, like a true face, plays the crowd.
ECW Hotline: Same promo as last time. Yay. 1-900-Run-4-ECW. ECW Extreme Warfare Volume 2 is shown. Buy now for your free bowl of soup!
Commercial: 1 minute and 25 seconds
Match #3: Rob Van Dam vs. Ballz Mahoney
Lock up, headlock by balls, send for the ride, and knocks RVD down. Reversals everywhere, and RVD dropkicks Ballz. More reversals, and the "Ballz" chant punches happen. Ballz misses the spinning heel kick over the top rope. Why? He's stupid! RVD does a baseball slide, which broke his ankle. Tough guy. RVD does his littel flip over the top rope, and then plays the crowd. Ballz punches RVD, and then hits him with a drink. Ballz bites the head of RVD, and they screw up a guardrail spot. RVD hits the guardrail, and he then tries to moonsault Ballz off the railing, but is caught by Ballz. Ballz slams him into the guardrail, and he then throws him over the railing. RVD and Ballz brawling in the crowd, and RVD Vandaminators Ballz! Back in the ring, and we take a break because this is a "spot" match. Kicks, and spinning legdrop by RVD. 2 Count only. Reversal from the ride with Balls cradling RVD for a 2 count only. Ballz tries to kick RVD, but is caught, spun around, and kicked in the face by RVD. 2 count only. Kicks by RVD. Reversal, and a "Ball Breaker" on RVD by Ballz. 2 count only. Ballz on top, and he misses the legdrop. VanDaminator for Ballz. 5 star froggy splash, which is always dam good. Ballz somehow cradles RVD for a 2 count only. RVD kicks Ballz, goes to the top again, but Ballz meets him. RVD stradles the top now, and Ballz climbs the ropes for a Nutcracker sweet on top! Oh my God! Now this doesn't make sense. Ballz literally killed RVD with this move, but RVD kicks out at 2? Come on, make it more believeable please. Ballz picks up a chair, and kills RVD with it. 2 count only. RVD must be a God. Ballz puts the chair in the corner, gets the ringbell, and has RVD in the corner. He obviously misses the move, along with a RVD legweep. Ok, get this: Fonzy is in the ring, and he's holding a chair down vertically on Ballz. RVD, from the opposite side, up top, does a rolling thunder back splash on Ballz and the chair. Interesting moves will get invented these days.... 2 count only. Ballz rests in the corner, and Fonzy puts a chair over his face. Van Terminator hits, as it looked much nastier here than at Heatwave. 1, 2, 3 at 10 minutes and 25 seconds.
Winner: Rob Van Dam, the Whole Fucking Show
Not a bad match, but a very typical one from these two. End of show.
@That's all for your ECW Day type PDC. I'll be back with the Show of the Week, and Fully Loaded predictions. Yay, I love 3 Pay Per View months! Well, enjoy your weekend, as I suppose I'll enjoy mine. Until tomorrow, just chill...till the next episode!
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Take Care, and Thanks, as always, for reading. I don't say this phrase for fun everyday, I actually mean it.