Mr. Tito's Phat Daily Column - ECW on TNN results
      Submitted by Mr. Tito on 7-01-00 @ 09:43 EST


      Welcome to the Saturday edition of the Phat Daily Column. Like ECW? Well, this column is nothing but FULL BLOWN ECW on TNN results, as for now on, the Saturday PDC's will be nothing but ECW, and a break from the other two worlds known as the WWF and WCW. It's nice to get away sometimes. On to the PDC!




      Show starts off with Cyrus talking stuff on RVD. Ohhhh, Rhino. He's holding the belt that RVD NEVER lost. Hey, they are fighting tonight! Smell the ratings! ECW Intro...but Paul Heyman talks during it..hyping RVD vs. Rhino.


      In the ring, Joey Styles and Joel Gertner are in the ring with the FBI. I still miss Tracey Smothers in the FBI. *sniff* Joel gets on the mic....oh my God, he just said one of his best poems ever! BUT, Jerry Lynn interrupts before the final dirty line. Lynn is in his referee gear. Didn't see Tajiri in hte ring, as he's fighting someone here. Lynn says he's man enough to admit his mistake. You know this type of speech. He's acting cool, but he'll turn on Tajiri eventually. Lynn tells the referee to leave. Ref doesn't listen, and BAM, Cradle Piledriver! That sets up the match of....


      Match #1: Tajiri vs. Little Guido
      Tajiri starts off by giving Tony "I can take a bump and like it" Mamaluke. Lock up with Guido and Tajiri, snap mare by Tajiri, and they wrestle around on hte mat. Hot crowd here. Tajiri gets the advantage after some maneuvers, and then Guido applies an armbar. Oh, the technical wrestling! Guido chops Tajiri in the corner, and sends him for the ride to the opposite corner..but Tajiri gives him a good stiff kick. Tajiri gives him a Tornado armbar!!! Haha. Tajiri chops Guido HARD, and then throws him out of the ring. Tajiri gives Guido a mean kick, and then atomic drops him on the guardrail...only to smack him with a chair! ECW! ECW! ECW! Another chop, and then another hard chairshot by Tajiri. Back in the ring, as Guido is dazed. Tajiri bites Guido's forehead, and then slaps him around on a chair. Crowd is LOVING Tajiri! Oh fuck, a commercial break! Way to produce this show ECW!!!


      Commercial: ONLY 37 seconds


      ECW Hotline narrated by Joey Styles: New Jack news, End of an Era in WCW, where will Jerry the King Lawler and Jim Ross possibly commentate next, and finally, where will Raven end up.


      ECW shirt promo now comes on. Isn't there a match at hand? This is ridiculous. Oh shit, another commercial!!!


      Commercial: Exactly 2 minutes.


      Remember this Little Guido vs. Tajiri match? After about 2 and a half minutes of commercial time, along with two stupid money promos by ECW, we are back at this match. BAD producing here at ECW, as they wonder why they can't get to the next level sometimes. Tajiri kicks the hell out of Guido, as I wonder how much I'll enjoy this match cause of the commercials. Reversals, ending with a German suplex with a bridge. Tajiri then "accidentally" hits Jerry Lynn with a dropkick. Ooops, he did it again. OCTOPUS!!!!!! OCTOPUS on Guido. Big Sal breaks it up, slams Tajiri, 1, 2, 3 for Guido at 8 minutes and 4 seconds.
      Winner: Little Guido via help from Big Sal


      Extreme Replay of the win shown. RVD is in the back saying he'll win the TV title back. How much thought was put into that. I guess he's done a little too much 4:20 in his days. Guess what? Commercial!


      Commercial: 3 minutes and 2 seconds


      Back, with the great Sinister Minister in the back, sitting on a chair reading something. Mikey Whipwreck comes in and hypes the surprise. HAHA, Minister thinks it's just a whore. Mikey tells Minister to "open the door" only to find Gorgeous George in WCW. Yes, it's her...the same woman who should belong in the ALL Silicon club with Trish Stratus. OOOOOH, she defected to WCW. Does anybody really care here? Minister is shocked!! Mikey makes fun of Macho, and that's classic! George and Macho Man are broken up by the way... Argh! Another commercial!


      Commercial: 2 minutes and 32 seconds.


      Back, and we see RVD doing a split off two chairs. It's not that hard to do, as many think it is. Anyway, he's working out while in the split. MOMENTS AGO, they show highlights of George. Francine now comes in. What the fuck, another commercial???? Man, the "special" Phat Stats aren't looking good at this point, and either is the grade.


      Commercial: 3 minutes and 25 seconds


      Francine is out, and she's wondering why the crowd chants what they chant. Francine refuses to wreslte Jazz for tonight. Jazz now comes out. She grabs the mic, and calls Francine a Douchebag! Yes!! She says she's going to kick Francine's ass no matter where, no matter how. However, the WORST ECW Champion in ECW history, Justin Credible, comes down and attacks Jazz. TNN didn't censor it this week.. Tommy Dreamer then runs to the ring, and scares everyone out of the ring. This enables Styles to hype the Pay Per View. Joy. Oh, a match in the works here?


      Match #2: Francine/Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer/Jazz
      Jazz starts off the attack on Credible with a nice Tilt a whirl spinning neck scissors. Dreamer and Jazz give Credible some double team action, and they take out Credible. Credible and Dreamer are now going outsite. Jazz comes back and beats Credible's ass some more. Dreamer drags Credible to the crowd, but then brings him back to the outside. Throws Credible into the railing, and then punches him on it. Dreamer sets Francine up with a powerslam, but Credible gives Dreamer a superkick. Credible with a cool looking mini-Powerbomb on Dreamer, and continues his attack. Francine gets the hot tag, and attacks Dreamers leg. Oooh. Oh my God! Tommy Dreamer gave Francine the Poontang Claw! Holy shit!!! Credible back in, and since Credible SUCKS, Dreamer gets the advantage. Dreamer reaches for the table on the outside, sets it up. Dreamer, however, gets tripped Raven-style into the edge of the table. Francine is in, and she gives Dreamer a cheap shot. Francine climbs to the top, and Jazz hits the ropes so that Francine is now straddling the ropes for the best quote of the night by Joel Gertner: "Francine's Balls must really hurt". LOL!!!!! I can't believe I just heard that. Francine and Credible are now in the Trees of Woe, and both Jazz and Dreamer dropkick chairs into their opponent's faces. Dreamer misses DDT, Credible fails the Corkscrew Pile driver, and Tommy Dreamer nails Credible with his new move called the TOMMYHAWK. Neat move by Dreamer, and it allows him to pin that terrible ECW champion at 6 minutes and 40 minutes.
      Winner: Tommy Dreamer and Jazz


      Extreme Replay of what just happened! Francine, I guess, is still hurt. Jazz brings Barbed wire ot hte ring, but Jack Victory and Steve Corino attacks her and Dreamer. Ooooh, the Network! The Network is also dumping ECW on its head by the way.. Credible gives Dreamer a Tombstone piledriver on that very Barbewire! Ouch! Credible mocks Dreamer by pulling Francine over Dreamer, and counts 1, 2, 3. Gotta hype that Pay Per View, eh? EXCLUSIVE stuff at ECWwrestling.com. Yes, to view exclusive news on George, just wait 3 hours for it to load to see what is going on. They go over upcoming events.


      Cyrus brings Rhino to the ring. RVD vs. Rhino is next..but first, commercials!


      Commercials: 2 minutes and 24 seconds


      RVD comes down. RE...SPECT! Spiking the ratings baby! Gosh, RVD is walking around forever. NEWS for NEXT WEEK: The Sandman vs. Justin Credible for the World Title on TNN.


      Match #3: Rob Van Dam vs. Rhino for the Television Title
      Rhino attacks during RVD's poses. RVD comes back, and nails Rhino with a beautiful looking sidekick off the top rope. Brawling now, reversals, you name it. Rhino then gives RVD a mean powerslam. Snapmare, and then RVD hits Rhino with a Frankensteiner. Reversals here and there, and Rhino KILLS RVD with the spear. RVD kicks out of a pin attempt. Suplex by Rhino, failed pin attempt. Spine buster by Rhino after a few moves by RVD, and Rhino then chokes RVD with the bottom rope. Second rope headbutt by Rhino, and a chinlock is now applied. RVD tries to come back, but Rhino hits a modified belly to belly suplex. RVD comes back in the corner, but Rhino fights him off. RVD swings a kick, only to be caught by Rhino. However, RVD does this really cool spinning kick to take Rhino down. Rhino comes back, but RVD sidekicks him off. RVD pounds Rhino in the corner with some kicks, and then sends him to the corner, and then gives him a Manhattan drop. RVD then skateboards a chair into Rhino's face since he's sitting in the corner. Leg drop, and Fonzie throws in the chair. RVD sets up the chair on Rhino's chest, and does this flipping drop on Rhino, which would hurt more than it would for Rhino. 2 count only, and a reversal with a clothesline into the corner by Rhino. After a failed powerbomb on a chair, a VAN DAMinator by RVD on Rhino. RVD goes to the top, but lameass Scotty Anton comes down and throws his "former best friend" off the top. Yay, how predictable. The match was 7 minutes and 47 seconds
      Winner: Rob Van Dam by DQ


      Rhino then gives RVD a mean spear after RVD is thrown into the ring by Scotty Anton. Anton and Rhino pound on RVD. However, RVD comes back, and beats up Corino and Jack Victory. HE's beating up everyone! Credible comes down and NAILS RVD with the cane. Please RVD, go after that World Title! Cyrus then taunts RVD, and says NOBODY MESSES WITH THE NETWORK!!! Great chant by the crowd: "FUCK THE NETWORK! FUCK THE NETWORK". RVD avoids more attacks by Credible, and he jumps on all of the other Network guys. The Sandman then makes his way into the ring, and looks on to Credible. Cane shots back and forth, and a Cane Russian legsweep on Credible! The Sandman picks up the World Title and opens a beer over Credible. NEXT WEEK, SANDMAN VS. JUSTIN CREDIBLE!


      Phat Stats

      Matches: 3
      Clean Wins: 1
      Screwjobs: 1
      Disqualifications: 1
      No Contests: 0
      Commercial Time: Approximately 14 minutes

      Last Word: 14 minutes of commercials?? Oh my God, this was torture! Maybe it's too noticeable here, but I didn't like this. Matches were OK, but nothing spectacular. The RVD vs. Rhino match was weak, as it took a good bit of breaks. I'll give this show a

      B-

      for some DECENT wrestling. I guess we are in cruise control until ECW ultimately signs with either FOX or USA. I predict a 0.8 just because I'm on point with this 3 weeks in a row.


      @That's all for this edition of the PDC. It's nice to blow off steam with some ECW results. Thanks for reading, and I'll be back tomorrow to resume the Big 2 talks.

      Backyard BBQ: NEW Design! Great Backyard Wrestling sites! Great columns too! Click HERE!!


      Take Care, and watch My, Myself, and Irene, because it's damn funny!

      Mr. Tito 2000 Exclusive to Lordsofpain.net




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