Welcome to the Phat Daily Column. Not only is it the Phat Daily Column, but it's the Saturday Edition of the Phat Daily Column. Not only is it the Saturday Edition of the Phat Daily Column, but it's also the ECW Day on the Phat Daily Column. Ok, I've gone a little overboard here, but hey, it's the weekend, time to have fun! This week, we have ECW's Heatwave pay per view, which I have no real idea what the card is...hmm. That's right, I'm the ECW on TNN guy! Well, anyway, let's get through some Fine Points and then onto the ECW on TNN results to complete this ECW Day.
Time for ECW on TNN....are you scared?
Show starts off with Joey Styles and Joel Gertner. We are in the ECW Arena tonight! Yipee!!! Best crowd around! I love shows from here. Styles is saying Heatwave is real soon. I'm Joey Styles.....and Joel Gernter: Well, well, well....it is I, the quintessential stud muffin, Joel, I'm a sexual deviant, and a bedroom menace, when I watch Wimbleton, I like to watch the 18 year old girls in their skirts playing tennis, the way they handle that raquet, and that spectacular ball control, makes me wanna take my raquet and my balls, and shove is in their HOLE!! Gertner. OH MY GOD! HAHAHA!!! Raven comes out to the ring. Good ovation in the arena, as it's his last night in ECW I believe.
YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! chants going on! Raven says "Thank you". Hugs Joey Styles. Cyrus and Scotty Anton come out. Cyrus says his "thank you" speech put a tear in his eye. Cyrus says he has spilled a lot of blood here, and made a lot of the idiots happy here. THANK YOU RAVEN!! THANK YOU RAVEN!! chants now. Cyrus says nothing that Raven has done means anything to this Network. Hey, Raven will be working for that Network reall soon. USA! USA! chants. Great chant! LOL. Cyrus says Raven stole his gimmick from the Jackyl!!! HAHAHA. Raven says: "Are we going somewhere with this?" Cyrus asks why he is cutting a promo. Cyrus angers Raven, Raven chases Cyrus, and Anton attacks!
Match #1: Raven vs. Scotty "US Male" Anton
Punches by Anton to start. Reversal, and Raven nails the Evenflow DDT just like that! Raven goes after Cyrus. Puts him in a DDT position, but Rhino comes on. He tries to spear, but Raven jumps over it, only to get speared when Rhino comes the other way. Oh boy. Rhino and Cyrus are stomping him. Table thrown into the ring, and put in the corner. Rhino picks up Raven and gives him a spinebuster through that table. Hey, I thought Raven didn't want to do anything dangerous before he left? Sandman is in! Canes everywhere! Lori Fullington, Sandman's wife, jumps on Cyrus's back. Everything is broken up by those huge ECW officials. Anton puts Raven in the "clapper", which is really a bad version of the Sharpshooter or Scorpion Death lock. Sandman is in the middle of ring looking. Is that the end of the match? If so, 2 minutes and 35 seconds and a NO CONTEST.
Winner: No Contest
PPV Promo, and ECW Extreme Warfare Volume 2....remember, if you buy that video, you get a free bowl of soup!!! 57 seconds on that promo by the way.
Commercial: 3 minutes and 23 seconds. Yuck.
Back, and Mikey Whipwreck is coming to the ring. Oh cool, he's a great wrestler now that he has a good gimmick(finally). We go to the back, and Bill Alfonzo and Rob Van Dam talk about their match with Scotty Anton. Lots of threatening here! Van Terminator??? What the hell is that going to be, as RVD says it's coming at Heat Wave. Oh shit, Tajiri is coming out!! ***MARKS OUT*** By far, my favorite in ECW. I'm praying for the Octopus tonight!!! Before the match, we get a quick word with Gary Wolfe, who got his ass beat hard by Rhino last week. He admits he got his ass kicked. Please. Someone is in the shitter laughing at him. It's the Blue Meanie and Jasmine St. Claire! Holy shit! Is that Blue Meanie?!?!?! HE LOOKS FUCKING GREAT!!! I can't believe the great shape he is in right now. He at least dropped a good 100. Congrats! Meanie is making fat jokes towards Wolfe, and he makes his threats. Jasmine nuts him, and Meanie laughts at him, and walks away with Jasmine. Wow, I can't believe what Meanie looks like now. I'm totally impressed, and I congratulate the good man for his hard work.
Match #2: Tajiri vs. Mikey Whipwreck
Crowd is for Mikey here. Styles said Meanie has lost 125 pounds!!! Missed shots, and Mikey takes advandage. Reversal, and Tajiri nails Mikey with a kick. Attempted Whippersnapper by Mikey, but he's thrown away, and slides under Tajiri and gives him a Russian Leg Sweep, followed by a legdrop. 2 count only. Misses the slingshot legdrop on the outside, and Tajiri hits the baseball slide. Reversal, and Tajiri goes to the guardrail. No Sinister Minister here tonight. Slingshot elbow drop by Mikey, and Mikey mocks Tajiri with a kick. 2 count only. Tajiri sent for the ride, but he gives Mikey a handspring elbow. Tajiri kicks the hell out of Mikey. Damn those are rough. Face first into the turnbuckle, Tajiri attempts the Tornado DDT, but Mikey turns him back around to the top rope. GREEN MIST to the face of Mikey, and Tajiri gives him that Tornado Reverse DDT, which looks vicious! 2 count only. OCTOPUS!! OCTOPUS!!!! OH MY GOD!! Mikey taps out too at 4 Minutes and 8 seconds. The Octopus is the best submission hold in wrestling...no doubt!
Winner: Tajiry by Octopus submission
Commercial: 3 minutes(exactly)
Back. Extreme Replay by 12524363735482736464787wrestling.com shows us highlights of that good, but short match between Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck. ECW upcoming events....PREPARE TO FAST FOWARD! You know, why the hell doesn't ECW come into the Ohio Valley? They go to Pittsburgh, and they go to Dayton...but NEVER stop in between. Many wrestling fans around here want to see ECW badly!!! Please come to us! Justin Credible will be on this show later! Also, Steve Corino and his mystery partner takes on Jerry Lynn and his partner.
Commercial: 2 minutes and 32 seconds
Back, and we see Francine and her two midgets. She's with Justin Credible. By the way, she's stroking the cane while Credible tries his best to act like Triple H. Come on Credible..just say it..."I am the Game-ah". Styles and Gertner are shown, hyping up the Dreamer vs. Credible match. Simon and Swinger, along with their band of goofballs come down. No wonder ECW payroll is struggling to be met. Why are Swinger and Simon out here? Find out after the commercials!!
Commercial: 3 minutes and 18 seconds
Back, and Simon has the mic. He says "we aren't a comedy act". Badass CW Anderson then walks into the ring. He's the man! Anderson challengesthem. He destroys all of the flunkies with punches and suplexes! He jacks the prodigette! That's not nice, spinebuster to her too. Simon and Swinger realize how lame their flunkies are, and they destroy the Prodigy or whoever he is. I guess they are in cahoots with Anderson now. Anderson challenges anybody in the back to come get some! Danny Doring and Road Kill come down. Good wrestling will come out of this, but too bad the characters here aren't better.
Match #3: Road Kill and Danny Doring vs. CW Anderson, Johnny Swinger, and Simon Diamond
Brawling here, with Doring and Road Kill cleaning house. Swinger hits a Russian leg sweep, but Road Kill is there to save the day. However, that bad man CW Anderson is there with a chair. Doring then gets hit with a move where it looks like a 3D, but the other guy grabs the opponent and gives him a DDT. Same to Road Kill. Holy Shit, Bobby Eaton in the ring...and guess what, Midnight Express music to go with that! He cleans house with that tough right hand, and is confronted by CW. Brawling ensues, with Eaton on the advantage. Swinger and Simon attack, distract him, and that allows CW to superkick him. Um, I don't know if this is an actual match or not? If so, No Contest at 2 minutes and 20 seconds.
Winners: No Contest
Back with Styles and Gertner. They discuss Bobby Eaton and CW Anderson. Heatwave hype. Corino vs. Jerry Lynn. Scotty Anton vs. RVD. What is the Van Terminator..it's asked here! Sandman vs. Rhino. Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer in a stairway to Hell match. Dream partner tag match coming up!
Heatwave promo: 30 seconds
ECW Hotline: Info on WCW behind the scenes with Hogan, Nature Boy Ric Flair return, and more at 1-900-Run-4ECW. CALL IT NOW WITHOUT YOUR PARENTS PERMISSION!!!
Commercial: 1 minute and 24 seconds
Swinger and Simon brag about beating down Doring and Road Kill. They laugh, and CW Anderson tells them to stop with the comedy. It wasn't funny to begin with! They will be lethal now with Anderson...uh huh. Steve Corinio and Jack Victory come to the ring. Match just added to Heatwave: CW Anderson/Johnny Swinger/Simon Diamond vs. Kid
Rock Kash/Danny Doring/Road Kill. AdcastWrestling.com hype, as you should go there to see ECW stuff. Styles says "good seats are still available" for the Pay Per View in L.A. Upcoming events thing...AGAIN. Again, please come to this area. Jerry Lynn comes out. Corino takes the mic.... he says Lynn is going to cry cause on Sunday, he'll kick Jerry Lynn's ass! Rhino is Corino's partner. Oh, he's such a badass. They both attack Jerry Lynn before his partner can come out...Gee, I wonder who that could be?
Match #4: Rhino/Steve Corino vs. Jerry Lynn/Sandman
Lynn is getting waxed now by Lynn, but Lynn has a beer in the corner. He cracks open that beer on Rhino's head. Enter Sandman hits. Corino superkicks the Sandman. Rhino canes Sandman to death! OUCH! Outside here, as Lynn baseball slides a chair into Corino, and then dives over the top rope for him. Sandman and Rhino are brawling here, with the same stuff on the outside. Rhino in the guardrail. Corino beats down Lynn in the crowd, while Rhino strangles Sandman in the ring. 2 count only. Both Lynn and Corino brawl on the outside. Yay. This match, thus far, is sooo boring. All in the ring now, and punches thrown everywhere. Chops too. Reversals, and then Lynn makes a reversed DDT on Corino. 2 Count only. Rhino piledrives Lynn. 2 count only thanks to Sandman's cane, and he then Russian Legsweeps Corino with that cane. How many of those damn legsweeps are we going to see tonight? That's the 3rd one this evening! Wow, Corino hits a reversed Twist of Fate. How odd. Jerry Lynn then goes for the cradle piledriver, BUT Cyrus comes in and attacks Lynn with his microphone..which Lynn badly sells, and then Corino superkicks Lynn. 2 count only. Reversed DDT on the table on the outside by Corino on Lynn, but the table doesn't break! Oh, but that elbow by Corino sure breaks that! Rhino is pounding Sandman in the ring, but Spike Dudley comes in, and with the Sandman, they give Rhino the 3D and the win at 6 minutes and 31 seconds for a good win. Cool ending there, but it shows you who will exactly win that Sandman vs. Rhino match. Damn it.
Winners: Jerry Lynn and Sandman
Styles hypes Heatwave. Another match...Guido vs. Tajiri vs. Psychosis! Goes over matches, and the Van Terminator will be revealed. Whatever that is. ECW Heatwave Promo...most controversial Pay Per View in years? Um, ok?
Little Guido vs. Tajiri vs. Psychosis
CW Anderson/Johnny Swinger/Simon Diamond vs. Kid Kash/Danny Doring/Road Kill
Steve Corino vs. Jerry Lynn
Rob Van Dam vs. Scotty Anton
Rhino vs. the Sandman for the TV Title or just Revenge
Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer for the World Title in a Stairway to Hell match
@That's all I gotta say about ECW today, as I just might give some predictions tomorrow in the Sunday column. I should also have the "Show of the Week" tomorrow, so just chill till the next episode!
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.