When I came online yesterday morning, I expected to see all kinds of negative reviews about Royal Rumble from posters and/or columnists. Instead, aside from a decent handful, it was more of a praising towards the show as a whole, especially Rock vs. Jericho and the Rumble itself. WHAT?!?!? Man, I guess the internet wrestling community has lost its mind. That, or Triple H's return has many marking out again. Lord knows, but to some who said that Jericho vs. the Rock from Sunday Night was very good... I laugh in your face. Please count how many actual moves the Rock does to his punches. Oh, please do it.
The Rumble was poorly written. The focus was on Triple H vs. Austin vs. the Undertaker. The Undertaker was eliminated early, thus killing the heat they tried to build up in weeks prior. Austin didn't last for the ending against Triple H, as well. Don't get me started on the Maven problem, for no legal wrestler eliminated him. Oh, and that's allowed? That's why when Steve Austin came back into the Royal Rumble in 1997 after being eliminated, only to eliminate every other wrestler and win the damn thing cheaply, his Royal Rumble win was stripped for the Fatal 4 Way match before Wrestlemania.
Oh well. For tomorrow, we'll be reviewing Pure Dynamite, the biography of the Dynamite Kid, former international superstar and well known in America for his tag team, the British Bulldogs. I more or less dedicated my weekend to that book, pushing school work aside (oh no!). Well, I didn't actually force myself to read it, as I was that much into it. So tomorrow, you'll see that!
As for the NES wrestling games... I've played them all, within reason, and I should start reviewing them soon. Let's see what I have: Pro Wrestling, Tag Team Wrestling, Tecmo World Wrestling, M.U.S.C.L.E, WWF Wrestlemania, WWF Wrestlemania Challenge, WWF Steel Cage Challenge, WWF King of the Ring, and World Championship Wrestling. Just from what I've researched, I believe that's the entire list of wrestling games. If not, it's at least a good comprehensive look at wrestling on the NES.
Anyway, let's get to the "meat and potatoes" of the Tuesday column, the RAW review! On to the PDC!
Sports Entertainment occurs next, as Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring to brag about retaining the title. Jericho is really getting heat now as a heel, and he's so good of a talker to stop fans from chanting "what" all the time. After claiming he beat every superstar to get to the top, Triple H comes down to remind him of who he didn't beat. Intense stuff here, which will make for a great feud one day. I wonder what Kevin Nash's return will do to Chris Jericho, though. Remember in early 2000, head WCW booker, Kevin Nash, was reportedly calling Triple H and pleading with him to cause backstage problems with Jericho. Kurt Angle would then join the fun, and eventually charge the ring to beat down Triple H. The Rock would make the save, thus perfectly setting up the Main Event tag match. Now, WWF, all you have to do is make a decent show in between this and the last match. Not hard, no?
Next match was Edge versus William Regal. OK match, but nothing special or to get wet about, even with the IC title on the line. I remember when that belt meant something. *Sniff, sniff* The WWF stole booking ideas out of the 1980's playbook, as Edge was caught with the foreign object, around his hand, for a disqualification. Then, he took a play out of the 1990's playbook by attacking every referee in site, although he's a face. It's ummm, 2002, right? Geesh, just end this sorry feud already.
VERY POOR backstage segment with Kane and Bill-ay and Chuck-ay. Kane's not a good talker, and trying to respond to Billy Gunn's nonsense made this backstage scene look very amateur. This would set up a match later on, which we'll get to in a little bit. I suggest that if you're a big fan of any 4 of the wrestlers in the match, please turn away now.
Advise to Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig in future backstage segments: DON'T TALK SO FAST.
More sports entertainment occurs, as Ric Flair comes down to cut a promo about his career. You know, I really admire Flair's wrestling career, but come on... probably about 50% of the current WWF fan base probably didn't know Flair was a 2 time WWF champion, let alone a member of the WWF during 1991-1992. Vince McMahon would come down 15 minutes later, and promised he'll do something that he'll even regret. If it's bringing in Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Hulk Hogan as the angle, then Vince is setting up their returns beautifully. I'll give him credit there, if it happens. Too bad the point of the interview was lost because it took a long time for Vince to make his threat.
Val Venis versus Mr. Perfect, of all matches, was next. What was the point of this whole segment? First, Val does his old thing where he basically rips off the late Rick Rude gimmick. Then, Hennig comes down and they wrestle. Crowd had no idea who to cheer for, too, as Val acted like a face during his scene with the woman, and Perfect is a fan favorite because he's an old-school WWF superstar. Their match was interrupted when Stone Cold Steve Austin came down and drilled Perfect, yet again, with a chair. A Smackdown match between Austin and Perfect would be $$$$$. Then, Val Venis tried to cut a promo on Austin, saying he wouldn't go to his wife for a challenge. Blah, blah, blah. Stunner to Val, and then Austin wastes even MORE time. He does the whole Beverly Hillbillies theme song with "What?" chants, and then rants and raves about Royal Rumble. What a load of crap. It was funny to see Austin declare that he'll be in Royal Rumble 2003, but other than that, what a worthless waste of television time.
And Vince McMahon wonders why his current roster of midcarders are struggling: THEY DON'T HAVE ANY TIME TO DEVELOP THEIR CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!!!! Duh!! It doesn't take a damn rocket scientist to figure that one out, and I guess it takes more than Vince McMahon's mental capacity to get it.
Oh God, here we go. The next piece of shit was Billy Gunn/Chuck Palumbo vs. Kane/Big Show. This is easily up there as one of the WORST tag matches ever. Seriously. It was so damn sloppy and just utterly stupid. The match was the Big Show in the middle of the ring, and Billy Gunn and Chuck bouncing off his usual offense. Kane would try to get in, but it didn't matter. This match was flushed down the toilet, and the sad thing is that Chuck & Suck (thanks WrestlePalooza.com!) beat Big Show and Kane, meaning that it will only be a matter of time before they go after Tazz and Spike Dudley. I've seen better Thunder tag matches than what I witnessed last night. Now that's a statement!
Good backstage scene with the Rock and Triple H, but the Main Event was well forgotten after the next scene. Man, who stole my time machine and took me to late 1999? This is killing me! The Godfather came down, and like Val Venis before him, gave no explanation of how or why he changed back from his RTC gimmick. Godfather has apparently opened up an "escort" business, which is a play off what Las Vegas did to get around the hooker laws. Oh boy, the WWF sure is funny. Oh well. At least the Godfather wasn't doing his annoying drug references catch phrases. However, Lance Storm would take offense and come after the Godfather in the ring. Storm's attempt failed, making me wonder how far this feud will go. I'm begging the WWF to give Storm 10 minutes with some decent wrestler in the WWF. Just begging!
Goldust is apparently full-time now, too. Wow. All 4 of the returning WWF wrestlers are getting significant television time. Interesting how that plays out, especially with Hall, Nash, and Hogan on their way!
I seriously still don't see Triple H turning on his wife, Stephanie. Sure, there was tension tonight, but this is Stephanie we're talking about, and to protect her spot on television, Triple H is the man to ride (or to suck), and vice versa. We're getting set up for another swerve, folks, one that will probably reunite the McMahon family, and eventually split up again down the road. Oh boy, such original storylines we are witnessing!
Decent main event match between Triple H/Rock versus Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho. Very strange seeing Triple H and Rocky teaming up here. It's funny how short Rocky's memory is of Triple H, the man he feuded with in the summer of 2000 and the man who attacked him before he left to start filming the "Scorpion King". Ah, the storyline gaps. The finish was expected, as the Rock "got his heat back" by pinning Jericho cleanly. Who says a heel champ, other than Triple H, can have some credibility?
RAW Phat Stats
Matches: 5
Clean Wins: 2
Screwjobs: 1
Disqualifications: 1
No Contests: 1
LAST WORD: Oh no, don't thrill us with a big 5 matches on the card. The sports entertainment was good at first, but it especially went down hill after the Ric Flair/Vince McMahon part. And I mean crashing down! The WWF did well in the first 30 minutes and the very last 15, but in between, it's very questionable. I'll give this show a
And in the many personal shots about me seen on the internet, be sure to point out how negative I was towards this show. Make sure you quote me, too. These shows have been sucking lately, and once the ratings dip before they get spiked heading towards Wrestlemania, you'll be shocked to see who was really right all along.
AOL Instant Messenger: BookerTito - It's recommended that you send your questions or feedback as your first message so that it could be answered, instead of saying "hi", "hey", "what's up" or whatever else. Just get to the point, please, to make it easier since I get drilled with messages.
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@Tomorrow: Dynamite Kid's book. Be there or be square. I should have more, including some Daily Apples and probably RAW backlash, like always. Until then, be sure to tape up your fists after punching the screen so many times when reading this column.
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.