Welcome back to the Phat Daily Column. If you haven't been with me for over the past 2 years, then you will know that today is Monday Night Impressions day. What's that you ask? Well, I just critique both Monday Night Shows, since they are of great importance of each federation. Also, the Monday Night Impressions are OPINIONS and OPINIONS only, which many people have forgotten. On to the PDC.

MONDAY NIGHT IMPRESSIONS

I lost my banners from the server changes, so that's why you haven't seen the Impresssions, Chunder, or Phat Down banners lately. Oh darn.

-NITRO-

Oh Lord, was that Sid injury NASTY! Don't even try blaming WCW for doing it as a ratings grabber. They did it at the beginning of the show, and that was it. It was done to inform everyone on why the main event was kind of strange last night, and quick to ending. But damn, that's the worst sports injury I've ever seen, and I've caught some nasty ones throughout the years. I've seen the worst of knee sprains, shots from baseballs, Joe Theisman breaks, and many others, but that one takes the cake. His leg just gave out completely, and I really hope that Sid is able to walk normally after that.

WCW's Main Problem now: GET A NEW ANNOUNCING TEAM!!!! Both Shiavone and Hudson totally suck now, as I wanted to mute the television when they kept saying "swerve" in every sentence. Damn them! Eric Bischoff and a brand new announcer need to call those shows.

Argh!!! Nitro started out with a 30 Minute Interview, which breaks all recent WWF records lately. But hey, feuds were established instead of the 20 minute ones where Vince McMahon puts himself over. WCW mainly did that long interview to establish that Bill Goldberg was gone, or at least seemed that way. Then, Kevin Nash came out, along with DDP and Rick Steiner. The new Flair Faction of Steiner, Jarrett, Luger, Buff, and Animal told everyone to join them, or else. Hey, that sounds like the NWO once Eric Bischoff joined them in late 1996. How recycling! Better yet, the trio of DDP, Nash, and R. Steiner have a combined age of around 130, with DDP being the only wrestler out of the group who isn't washed up. Those are your main event faces? Looks like WCW tried to pull a fast one on use "internet marks" by NOT having the planned Rick Steiner as the mystery man.

Chavo Guerrero is looking really good recently. I guess it takes an expiring contract, coming up, for WCW to give him the time to wrestle and show what he has. It only rises his stock, once Eddie Guerrero convinced the WWF to pick him up. Crowbar worked hard in that match too. I like a good clean victory too, which Chavo has had in his past two matches.

Decent match between Filthy Animals against 2 Count, although it seems like 2 Count is becoming better than Rey-Rey or the uninterested Kidman. Too bad Shannon Moore isn't a couple inches taller.

Wow, a semi-clean win for the Natural Born Thrillers against KroniK. I said semi, since the ref didn't have to be distracted. KroniK, like Goldberg, look way better when showing vulnerability. In fact, I don't mind the team of KroniK lately. They've matured as a team with the recent payoff angle.

Oh man, don't cut that mullet!!! How can you have Konnan, with no hair on his head, fight in a Hair vs. Hair match? What, are we going to shave his eyebrows or something? Armpits? His ass? Poor Mike Awesome. He deserves a better push. I've heard some stories that he's somewhat of a jerk backstage. Maybe that's always holding him back?

Wow, the Cat just destroyed Bam Bam Bigelow. So does that mean that the Cat could also easily defeat Rob Van Dam, since Bam Bam gave him a good match? I'm kidding. I guess WCW wants a tough commissioner.

WCW broke rule #576, which states if you have a bad Pay Per View match, you do NOT have a rematch on the following Nitro. That's what we got with General Rection and Shane Douglas. Thank God Douglas didn't have to job the title back. Chavo interfered with this match.... so is Rection going to drop about 100 or so pounds to fight in his division? Or will Rection screw Chavo out of his title?

FINGER OF SHAME to WCW for their NWO-like run-in for the Main Event. Nash was moving on for the victory, until the NEW WCW came down to ruin the match! Yes, Eric Bischoff is back, so get used to this bullshit!

Nitro Phat Stats

Matches: 7
Clean Wins: 4
Screwjobs: 2
Disqualifications: 1
No Contests: 0

LAST WORD: You can tell the Bischoff influence already. The main event card has guys that are over 35, and over 35 only. Nash was shoved up to the top, immediately. The NEW WCW is nothing but a bad rip off of the New World Order, as proven by the damn run in ending. The midcard matches were pretty decent, since the midcarders are now way more talented the older guys. Eric Bischoff better watch the moves he makes, though, because he's showing signs of going his own ways, already. The show, for the most part, was pretty intriguing, but there could be some trouble up ahead. I'll give it a

B-

for the main event run in and the long interview at the beginning, although that's way better than any recent WWF interview. I predict a 2.2 for the second hour. After a good Pay Per View, it should grab *some* attention.

-RAW is WAR-

Hey, we are treated to a hot opener tonight. Hardy Boyz and Lita took on Right to Censor in a pretty good match. It also featured the return of Chyna. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET CHYNA WIN THE WOMEN'S TITLE AT ROYAL RUMBLE. Ahem. I need to take my pills to calm down.

Oh shit, I spoke too soon. Triple H and Stephanie did a lovely interview, which had no meaning. In another note, I do like the new Triple H theme, although the older one was a bit better. Anyway, these interviews get worthless by the week, and the sagging WWF doesn't get it yet. Hopefully, WCW gains some ratings to bite the WWF in the ass to work harder!

Raven vs. Test was very lame, with Lord William Regal screwing Test out of his match. I guess it's ok, since we won't be treated to a terrible Albert vs. Test match at Royal Rumble. So, whatever. Lovely how Bob Holly and Steve Blackman fought during the match. If that didn't bore us enough, they had a regular match later on. Get Holly back on Heat, and make Blackman carry Shane's bags only, instead of doing his repetitive martial arts crap.

Thank God the Rikishi/Undertaker vs. Rock/Kane match wasn't the main event. It was a pretty good match actually, more than I expected. Cool ending with the Undertaker defeating the Rock. Gee, I wonder who will win the Rumble....

Stop right there...... Tito's Pick for the Main Event at Wrestlemania: It will be Triple H vs. Stone Cold vs. Rock in the main event.

My gosh. The WWF needs to learn that Chris Benoit is only good with actions, since he's HORRIBLE on the mic! Oh my Gosh, he's soooo bad when he's talking.

I'm sure we'll see some interesting plugs from stupid websites about the Trish "the Dish" and Jackie SPANKING match. ****EXCLUSIVE LESBIAN PHOTOS OF TWO WWF SUPERSTARS*****, or for the end, ***~~HOT PHOTOS OF TRISH'S ASS~~***. Don't worry kiddies, I'm coming after you all, sooner or later. Oh, my favorite MONKEY already has a headline up!!!

Trish Stratus Getting SPANKED and LOSING Her PANTS, EXPOSING a TIGHT THONG! HULK HOGAN Spotted Backstage at RAW! Full Story!

I'm going to have to shove a couple bananas down that Monkey's throat. This ignorant fool doesn't even have a single Hulk Hogan story on his newsboard, either. Sad thing is that weak and stupid ad companies actually pay douchebags like this guy to get cheap hits for his site. Any webmaster who lowers themselves to hire losers like this one has a garbage website, period.

Wasn't I talking about RAW or something? Tazz and Kaientai fought Too Fools and K-Kwik to a stupid match, which I guess was the product of whoever wrestled or announced on Heat. Geesh.

The main event was decent, but look what happened again. Kurt Angle was seemingly flushed down the toilet, once again, by having Austin beat him. Can't Angle at least get a pin over Austin as the World Champ? It's even more ridiculous when Triple H gets a shot at Angle, even though he didn't have to earn it. I guess when you have booking power backstage, you can do whatever you want. Sad thing is that their decisions are losing fans, and hurting other wrestler's careers. I guess that's not important, now is it?

RAW Phat Stats

Matches: 6
Clean Wins: 4
Screwjobs: 1
Disqualifications: 0
No Contests: 2

Last Word: This federation is going no where but down. Not a damn thing, besides Chyna's return, did anything to hype the Royal Rumble in a good way. Booking is out of control anymore, which means that it defeats logic for each angle. We now have wrestlers in control of the shows, and that led to WCW's downfall in 1998. WWF's downfall is currently in place, and it's only a matter of time that WCW gets stronger and puts up another fight. Then, the WWF might wake up and smell the roses. I give this show a

C

, for you can send me all of the hatemail you want about this show. Once the ratings come out, and they show that RAW hasn't improved, I'll tell you how many apples to eat. How about that? I predict a 4.3 in the first hour.

Overall, a weak night of wrestling.

MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Chavo vs. Crowbar on Nitro

WRESTLER OF THE NIGHT: Chavo Guerrero

TAG TEAM OF THE NIGHT: Mark Jindrak and Chuck Palumbo

NEWS ORGY: NEW Movies Added! Two Movie Reviews Added ("Save the Last Dance" and "Dracula 2000")!! NEW Tito's Commentary! The Best News Parody around! CLICK HERE to join the Orgy!

Wrestle Palooza Audio Show!

LoP T-Shirts!

@That's all for today. I better stop while I'm ahead, since I'm sooooo negative. Whatever. I'd say that those who bitch at me for being negative are blind about wrestling these days. How about that? Ratings Analysis tomorrow, if the ratings are in. If not, I can imagine we'll go to Part 2 of Monday Night Impressions.

Backyard BBQ: It's FANTASTIC!

Take Care, and Thanks for Reading, even if you don't like it.

Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to Lordsofpain.net