Welcome to the column made by Mr. Tito, the Phat Daily Column! Today, we'll review Smackdown and pull no punches, as usual. We can now discuss what happened on Smackdown, as opposed to discussing Spoilers in the days before Smackdown was to air.
A couple of the readers said I forgot Rob Zombie when mentioning muscians that the WWF gets you hooked on. Well, that would be the case for some, but I instantly liked Rob Zombie's music the second I heard Thunderkiss 65, somewhere, when it first came out. I've bought every White Zombie/Rob Zombie CD since, including imports and remix CDs. I also try to track down soundtrack or rare songs, as well. I've bought a lot of soundtracks just for the Zombie songs. Thank God I have CD burning capabilities to help that out.... oops!
Speaking of CDs, I'm looking foward to the new WWF CD, featuring various alternative and rock bands performing themes or songs for WWF superstars. Yes, I will buy the actual copy! It will be nice to have a clear Disturbed version of Austin's theme, for the one I have and have seen throughout the internet is of good quality, but not perfect. It looks to be a CD that would get high marks in my gradebook. The CD comes out on March 26th, if I'm not mistaken. It's likely to be better than WWF Volume 5, WCW Mayhem, and WWF Aggression.
Or at least that's my opinion. It's funny how music discussion gets people all fired up. Everyone has completely different tastes, like I could say a song sucks, while another could say it's their favorite song. Etc. You know, it's like I could say Insane Clown Posse SUCKS BALLS, and a bunch of hardcore ICP fans will let me have it. Hell, while I'm on that subject, I'd like to say what a relief it is for mainstream wrestling to not have those 2 stupid clowns on television. God, they were so worthless when it came to the WWF or WCW, and they always started stuff backstage with wrestlers. Ha! I'm sure the many WWF theme CDs have outsold any of the ICP albums, and then some.
Oh lord, I've already filled my inbox for today... I don't even have to write a critical review of Smackdown... Well, yeah I do, so on to the PDC!
Smackdown started with the Rock coming down to the ring and calling on the Undertaker. The Undertaker was probably getting brought back to life at that point, so he couldn't come down to attack the Rock. Instead, Booker T came out. Why, well, I don't know. I don't what beating Triple H has to do with challenging the Rock. Oh well, we got a decent opener out of the deal.
Booker T vs. the Rock was our first bout. Odd to see Rock in the opening match of a show. OK match, as these two just can't get down a chemistry between each other, like Kurt Angle and Steve Austin have with each other. Rocky got the clean win with the People's Elbow on the former 5 time WCW Champion. And the WWF wonders why the WCW Invasion failed....
As I predicted, Stephanie McMahon is about 2 months into her pregnancy already. 8 weeks ago is somewhere in December, meaning that with all of her free time away from the WWF, she was banging the about-to-return Triple H. At least she didn't get knocked up when she was devoting her whole time as Alliance leader. Yeah, she led the Alliance, if you didn't know, which is another reason why the angle completely bombed. Wow, we're finding all kinds of explanations to the Alliance failure today. I'm not even trying to think about them, too.
I'm curious about the one NWO commercial that had Eric Bischoff's voice, as you could hear him shouting "We are in Control". Just allowing that would mean that the WWF contacted Bischoff or something. Like with the ECW videos, I believe that Joey Styles gets a piece of the action because he commentates on those matches. Jesse "the Body" Ventura actually sued the WWF for using his name on WWF videos after he left the company. So you be the judge. Maybe Eric Bischoff is coming in after all, which is an unnecessary ego added to the WWF after the signing of Hall, Hogan, and Nash already. Just remember that the NWO went downhill when Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff's egos got out of control, where they were hogging up too much television time.
Truly awesome in ring promo by Kurt Angle. He just killed Triple H, calling him an ape of some kind and making fun of how his baby will turn out. Angle hardly gets stale on the mic, unlike some. In a heated moment, Triple H came down and attacked Angle, cracking him with the stroller.
Our next match was a six man pitting Edge, Rob Van Dam, and Rikishi against the Dudley Boyz and William Regal. With all of the entrances, I was guessing this match wouldn't get much time. I was wrong, for it actually received around 5 minutes or so. Solid six man match here. The Dudleys are getting good with their heel tag team moves. Too bad the WWF doesn't allow them to act like heels... you know, actually let them have mic time! I don't know about you, but I'm not too pumped about seeing Edge vs. William Regal, round 736464784747357784807890702.
Chris Jericho is getting really good on his heel promos. Best in the business, by far! He would invite "Stone Cold" to the ring, but it was really Will Sasso doing a great impersonation. However, I don't like how the WWF continually does goofy skits with Jericho. I've seen everything from midgets, Planet of the Apes, you name it, come out with Jericho to goof on someone he hates. Sasso is actually a 2 promotion star, now. Remember back when he helped someone in a match involving Bret Hart when the Hitman was in WCW and starring on an episode of Mad TV. Sasso, in my opinion, is the only decent thing on Mad TV. Sasso's BEST performance was as Hank in the movie "Drop Dead Gorgeous(sp?)". You know, where he looks into a camera and shouts "ARE WE ON COPS?!? ARE WE ON COPS?!?!". Too funny.
Steve Austin would take offense to Sasso's near perfect Austin impersonation, and eventually stunner him. I'll tell you what... The WWF is putting a lot of heat on their Pay Per View matches, and folks, that's a good thing. No Way Out is shaping very nicely, and that's even without considering the fact that the NWO will debut there.
Wow... the WWF gave more notice to Tough Enough LOSER Paulina than to Rob Zombie in the Smackdown crowd. What good is Paulina, now? She soooooo reminded me of Chyna with her looks into the camera. Hey, Chyna is blond now... maybe they are twins?
Ric Flair would confront Chris Jericho, and tell him that he was facing Triple H in a non-title match. Oh wow, let's hotshot away our Wrestlemania match, now don't we. Even worse, fan's expectations to see Triple H and Jericho kill each other was destroyed when Vince McMahon made the match a handicap match. Sure, I'm glad that the WWF didn't give up Jericho vs. Triple H already, but that's not the point. Point is that when you announce a big main event, follow through with it. Don't water it down by making it a handicapped match. The WWF fucking does this all the time!
Next, it was Maven vs. the Undertaker in a Hardcore Match. Boy, are they giving Maven a lot of television time for his early WWF career. I guess the fans are popping for the underdog. The match was the typical Undertaker squashing a midcard or lower guy, with a few good interferences by Al Snow. Why not run Al Snow versus the Undertaker on RAW? You could since the Rock probably won't be there. Speaking of Rocky, he helped Maven win the Hardcore Title (!?!). Wow, Maven's first taste of WWF gold. Fastest ever to a title, considering he's only been on Tough Enough and just barely worked in the developmental feds? If not, it's still mighty fast. However, I know a quicker one, and his name is David Arquette. D'oh!
After this, the Undertaker was PISSED OFF and let Rocky have it in the parking garage. Undertaker would chokeslam and later deliver a devastating Tombstone on the limo on the Rock, "injuring him". It's a pretty good explanation to not have the Rock on RAW, as Rocky has to go back to Hollywood and reshoot some scenes for the Scorpion King. By the way, I'm predicting a big first week for the Scorpion King, but a box office bust after that. I bet the critics kill it hard! Anyway, good Rock/Undertaker interaction, putting some nice heat on their Pay Per View match, no matter how bad it will be.
Chuck & Suck against Torrie Wilson and Stacy Kiebler in a posedown contest was next. You know, out of all of the tag teams portraying homosexuals, Chuck Palumbo and Billy Gunn are the most believeable. The other gay teams were just funny, like Lenny and Lodi, or even the early version of Too Cool. But Palumbo and Gunn act as though they ARE gay. It must be Billy Gunn, who really seems like he goes that way. Speaking of Gunn, I really wish that the legendary WDB would re-release his homemade movie, "Billy Gunn's Gay-Ass Adventure" for everyone to enjoy. It had Billy Gunn travelling to San Francisco, getting drunk, and.... Well, we won't say the finish, but just that it was too funny.
Stacy and Torrie were looking spectacular last night on Smackdown. Damn, there are no other WWF "divas" even looking any where close as beautiful as those two. It's sad that they are letting Torrie rot away as Tajiri's girlfriend, though. Of course, when your fiancé (Billy Kidman) is so strict about who she manages, then it's hard to put her elsewhere. Oh, that reminds me... Torrie was said to be somewhat of a kiss-up to Kevin Nash back in the WCW days. Also, it was said that Hulk Hogan lobbied to have Torrie as his manager, which created the original rift between Kidman and Hogan.
Wow, we are really getting off the subject. Torrie and Stacy won the posedown, as they should. The segment was just a waste though, for Billy Gunn and Palumbo are just totally worthless as a tag team. Well, they wouldn't be worthless if the WWF would just job them out to other tag teams, and then place them back on Jakked or Heat so that most viewers won't have to suffer with their poor acting and poor ability as a tag team. After the contest was over, Torrie and Stacy got into a catfight, which I guess meant that they still hate each other? They'll only get into girl-on-girl poses to win contests, but after that, CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!
Triple H versus Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle was our Main Event. It was OK, but damn, I don't really get up for handicap matches. At least the team with 2 people won, though, as Angle pinned Triple H after Olympic Slamming him on a chair. Good to add heat to their Pay Per View match. After the match, Angle knocked Triple H onto Stephanie, threatening a miscarriage to happen. It's the sign of things to come, folks. Everyone fighting Triple H will have to do something to Stephanie to get heat. The WWF badly missed the boat to hype a BIG RAW match, by not having Steve Austin run down and getting some of Jericho after the match to set up Triple H/Austin vs. Angle/Jericho. Now that's a tag team match. It's likely that we'll see that anyway.
SMACKDOWN Phat Stats
Clean Wins: 3
No Contests: 0
LAST WORD: Phew! Don't overbear us with a whole 4 matches. However, I'm willing to NOT bitch about that, as I felt that the "sports entertainment" part of the show, which was most of the program, was top notch and did an excellent job of hyping No Way Out 2002. Let's see.... Angle vs. Triple H was well hyped. Rock vs. Undertaker was well hyped. Austin vs. Jericho was well hyped. Even Regal vs. Edge was well hyped. Oh yeah, we have the NWO debuting at No Way Out too. This show was an up and down, great presentation to why you should buy No Way Out, aside from the stupid posedown. The Posedown was actually the only thing that didn't add to the current storylines or Pay Per View show, unless it was to get Chuck & Suck "over" for a World Tag Title fight against Spike and Tazz. God, I really hope not. I'll give this show an
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@That's it for today's edition of the PDC. I hope to have a Weekend column up for everyone to enjoy or at least read, although I have no topics in mind. Until the next PDC, just chill.......
Take Care, and Thanks a Million for Reading.