The sports world just lost a living legend. May you rest in peace, Dale Earnhardt.
Cause I'm a column, column, column making machine! Watch me get down! Watch me get down! Ahem. Today is Monday, which makes me wonder what people who don't like wrestling do. Do they suffer more because they have nothing to look foward to on Monday Nights?
Seriously, and this goes for NFL fans too. Are they bored because their Mondays absolutely have no brightspots, whereas wrestling fans have 3 hours of wrestling to look foward to. For me, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are hell for me, and have replaced Monday for being the worst day. Why? It's in the middle of the week, with no wrestling except for Chunder. Depressing, eh?
Today's column is PACKED with SOO much stuff that I'm sort of scared I won't be able to cover it all. Let's look at what I have in store for you today.
Today's PDC
*WWF Stuff (Heat review and RAW hype)
*WCW Stuff (Superbrawl and Nitro hype)
*Phat Music Review of WWF, the Music, Volume 5
That's a lot to cover in one hour! *cracks his knuckles* Here we go. On to the PDC!
I find it rather amusing that Bob Holly had to job to Haku. Hard work and dedication really means a lot in the WWF, eh Holly?
Not a bad match between K-Kwick and Eddie Guerrero. Eddie still has ring rust, and K-Kwik still needs polishing, though. Also, K-Kwik could use a new theme, which will get to on the Music Review.
Wow, you can just SMELL the buyrates by having Kurt Angle talk smack about the Rock on Sunday Night Heat. Why couldn't he do it on RAW or Smackdown? Oh wait, I'm sorry, he was too busy feuding with Essa Rios this past week. My bad.
I bet it feels good to bump around for the Undertaker, eh Christian?
Show sucked. D for its efforts.
No RAW hype up at WWF.com, as they are probably relaxing after revamping WWF.com's design. But I'm sure we'll see more of the following: More crap with the Dudleys, Undertaker/Kane, and Edge/Christian, with the Undertaker/Kane looking the best out of them. More of this "Can't Touch This" stuff with Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin, where M.C. Hammer will get involved (kidding). We'll probably see something with Angle and the Rock, since they abandoned each other during last week's RAW and Smackdown. Joy, joy, joy!!!
I'm sure we'll see some hints of Vince McMahon and Trish Stratus. I can see the backstage segment now....
Vince McMahon: Hey Trish... how about we go to my place, so that I can screw you in a very uncomfortable place.
Trish Stratus: Like the back of a Volkswagon?
Nice of WCW to overbook the main event, by having Scott Steiner lose in a quick 16 seconds for the first fall. Hey, they weren't stealing the WWF's idea for Triple H and Austin, were they? Nash, political power, again? Noooo.....
Nothing much else to note here, but just that the younger guys or harder workers (Kanyon, DDP, or Jarrett) obviously carried the show in most people's minds. Cruiserweights rule, so screw the main eventers and focus on them much more.
The "New" WCW said that they were going after the Tag Titles after the Superbrawl show, which means that the oddly funny duo of Totally Buff will go after the talented Palumbo and O'Haire. Oh well, at least it could move both O'Haire and Palumbo towards future great singles careers. Both of those fuckers improve by the week!
We have an announcement about the Cruiserweights tonight. Tag titles anyone? WCW should just say "SCREW YOU OLD PEOPLE" and just make WCW a lightweight federation. How about World Cruiserweight Wrestling? It would seem logical, since the older guys can't wrestle a match. The only thing the older guys know how to do is to put emotion into a match, which the Cruiserweights have YET to achieve.
Firstly, the CD is an enhanced CD, which made me carefully hit Control-Alt-Delete to End the Task of the WWF software included in the CD. Damn, I hate that!
Let's run this one by, theme by theme!
Triple H: Wow, the same thing that plagued Triple H on Volume 4 has hit him again! Triple H's Motorhead theme, like the last theme, isn't really captured well on the CD as it is in the arena. It sounds kinda boring on CD.
K-Kwik: What a crock of shit! By far, the WORST theme on the CD. You mean to tell me that the WWF excluded the HARDY BOYZ theme for this crap? Better yet, they exluded the Radicalz one too?!? It's no where near as explosive as it is in the arena, either. Sounds different too.
Tazz: BEST THEME ON THE CD!! Damn, this one is impressive. They extended the beginning a little bit, making for a much better theme than he uses in the arena. This theme is worth of an A+ itself, and worthy of the price of the CD.
Lita: Boring theme for her. I liked her first one better, or the Hardy Boyz theme.
Kane: Oh wow, a heavier drum than the one on WWF 3, so let's include it. It's not as explosive as the arena one, either. Why not include Mick Foley's newer one too?
Eddie Guerrero: Man, the "Mamacita" beginning made this theme. Without it, the theme has lost all of it's fun.
Billy Gunn: An OK theme, which Gunn is always blessed with. Too bad Gunn isn't blessed with wrestling ability to follow that. I like the artist's "Ass Man" theme much better.
Raven: This theme starts off well, but it gets stranger as you go along.
Chyna: This is the theme that I ribbed one time, and got about 40 emails yelling at me for being an asshole about it. About the same quality as the arena playing.
Kurt Angle: I was always surprised that this theme never appeared on WWF Volume 2 for the Patriot. I was disappointed back then, but I'm rather bored with this theme now. I've heard it way too much.
Rikishi: The SURPRISE of the CD. It's actually MUCH BETTER hearing it on CD than listening to Rikishi come out to it on TV. It has some good lyrics, too, oddly enough.
Chris Benoit: As tough as I expected. I'm going to blast this one all day today.
Too Cool: If you thought this theme sounded bad on TV, well, it's twice as stupid listening to it on CD.
The Rock's "Pie" Single: Oh God, if you want to hear something very stupid, listen to this track. If this is what the Rock's music career, coming this summer, will consist of, then he's totally screwed. BAD song, which again, I question where the Hardy Boyz theme is. What about Malenko's? What about Steve Austin's Disturbed theme?!? Radicalz? Dudley Boyz?!?
LAST WORD: Yuck. This isn't a very good theme selection at all. The Tazz, Rikishi, and the Chris Benoit themes rule this CD, while the others are either at par or just totally suck. I can't believe they excluded the Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz, Steve Austin, Malenko or others like Acolytes, T&A, Steve Blackman, any of the Holly themes, and more. This was a ridiculous attempt by the WWF to put out a "good" theme CD, and I'm not satisfied with my purchase. Should have found a way to download all of them. I'll give it a
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@Oh Lord, I'm in shock at how bad WWF Volume 5 is. I absolutely LOVE theme CDs too. Damn it. Oh well, that's life. Sometimes, you don't get what you want. See you tomorrow!
Phat Pharm: Read Some Columns!!!
Take Care, and Remember #3.
SCORES
Birmingham Thunderbolts: 14
Chicago Enforcers: 3
ESPN recap
Orlando Rage: 18
NY/NJ Hitmen: 12
ESPN recap
STANDINGS
EAST
Orlando Rage: 3-0
Birmingham Thunderbolts: 2-1
Chicago Enforcers: 0-3
NY/NJ Hitmen: 0-3
WEST
Los Angeles Xtreme: 2-1
Las Vegas Outlaws: 2-1
San Francisco Demons: 2-1
Memphis Maniax: 1-2
Looks like Orlando is the dominant team, eh? Well, I'd like to see them square off against either Las Vegas or Los Angeles to really test them.
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