|BAD TITO - The Extra Column done by Mr. Tito, who also writes the Phat Daily Column. Sort of call this a column to blow off steam or just to have fun writing. Originally a special part of the Evolution, it now makes it home on the Phat Pharm. Enjoy.|
|The most evil column on the net is back! Well, not
really, but it wouldn't be a bad assumption considering I have stirred
up so much stuff. Many internet sites are pissed at me(I don't
care for them, really), along with the many individuals who didn't agree
with last week's "drug references" column. Just remember
that this column is only used to go off FOR FUN, and it shouldn't
really be considered seriously.
Well, then again, if you have your own strong opinions on sensitive topics, or if you are one of the MORONS, who are boardwhores, false-pluggers, or just money grubbing, then you could get offended. It's just a matter of opinion in this curse word loaded column. It's more of a humor column and just a fun project for the wonderful Phat Pharm. That's all it is...or is it?
Well, this week, I'm listening to the readers! By request, the great Jaymz, dedicated author of the great Dead Bodies Everywhere, will once again get interviewed. This comes after our insane interview from a few Bad Titos ago.
Actually, I'm lying there. We tried to do a wrestling version of Eminem's Guilty Conscience, but since neither of us are rappers nor are we Dr. Dre or Eminem, we decided to not look bad and look good with an interview. Fun for you all!
|Tito vs. Jaymz Part 2
Mr. Tito: Welcome to the SECOND installment of the ongoing series...interviewing the sick and twisted Jaymz.
Mr. Tito: So how have you been since the last disaster, also known as our last chat?
Mr. Tito: Still have Britney Spears tied up to the wall?
Jaymz: no, I moved on
Mr. Tito: To who?
Jaymz: Denise Richards
Mr. Tito: Oh my.
Mr. Tito: The rumors of the Britney engagement
Jaymz: yeah, I couldn't take it
Jaymz: I said.."listen here....I can't take
|Mr. Tito: Since this is supposed to be a WRESTLING CHAT, let's discuss
Jaymz: oooh yeah, lets
Mr. Tito: So would you take on Justin Timberlake in a match, with Britney on a pole?
Jaymz: no, because Britney would be
Jaymz: oh wait
Jaymz: I could kick his ass
Mr. Tito: LOL
Mr. Tito: It's Gonna Be You?
Jaymz: No!! I just got rid of that song out of my head
Jaymz: It's gonna be meeeeeee
Mr. Tito: Wait! You gotta squeeze
|Mr. Tito: ANYWAY
Jaymz: lol, let's talk about Mr. Wrestling 3
Mr. Tito: Val Venis?
Jaymz: Mr. Tito, oh yeah I mean Val
Mr. Tito: Ha! Val is terrible now! His gimmick got him nowhere, and now that he has NO gimmick, he's even worse!
Jaymz: I actually enjoyed the porn star gimmick
Jaymz: hell, my DAD even did!
Mr. Tito: Probably the worst IC champ in my recent memory.
Jaymz: yeah, I say we get Tito on Raw
Mr. Tito: LOL. It was funny at first, but it obviously didn't take his career anywhere. God, he even has that bag of silicon walking to the ring with him, and he still can't get over.
Jaymz: you come out and do a 20 minute interview to set up the match
Mr. Tito: I've turned down the invitations, many times....
Jaymz: yeah? I was called up to be a manager for Goldberg
Mr. Tito: No way? To shoot against Russo?
Jaymz: well, they never told me for what....but I had to decline
|Mr. Tito: Oh. Tell the viewers out there what you think WCW is compared to.
Jaymz: my nutsack?
Mr. Tito: LOL, that's nasty
Jaymz: see, the thing is, I love the performers in WCW
Mr. Tito: Yeah, same here.
Jaymz: but the management is terrible
Mr. Tito: Yeah. Plus, the oldies still want to wrestle.
Jaymz: yeah, I say kick them in the knee and let them go away
Mr. Tito: Now is that nice?
Jaymz: No...but isn't this Bad Tito?
Mr. Tito: Yeah, fuck it. Let's shoot on various topics, shall we?
Jaymz: by all means
|Mr. Tito: Other internet sites......
Mr. Tito: Remember, do NOT mention names
Mr. Tito: We don't want to lose lots of money now, do we?
Jaymz: that Internet money is like $5 of US dollars
Mr. Tito: Now, we don't mean all sites suck...just those ones run by boardwhores and complete retards.
Jaymz: yeah, I'm scared to death of retards
Mr. Tito: And we know who will read this column out there....
Mr. Tito: Especially that VERY BAD person, eh Jay?
Jaymz: you mean the one who wanted my number?
Mr. Tito: The one who wants a piece of us
Mr. Tito: Any thoughts for this "individual"?
Jaymz: actually, just you now
Mr. Tito: oh
Jaymz: we cleared our differences I think
Mr. Tito: Well, they can keep writing for the 5 people who read it.
Jaymz: the thing is, I would rather talk to the person rather than do it through a column
Jaymz: and that's the point you tried to make a few weeks back
Mr. Tito: I try to do the same thing, but they are just to scared to contact me
Mr. Tito: Indeed. Will those fucks ever get it?
Jaymz: tell them to email you for your screen name....see who is big and bad
Mr. Tito: Sure. If you "kiddies" are out
Mr. Tito: I don't know where those savages get stuff like that. Where would I
Mr. Tito: oops!
|Jaymz: isn't your screen name JonnyAppleseed?
Mr. Tito: I believe
Jaymz: anyway, next topic maestro
Mr. Tito: Sure. WWF....stale or not?
Jaymz: as a WWF mark...it hurts to say it
Jaymz: but yes
Jaymz: but can they help it?
Mr. Tito: No. I'd slack off too if I was against a federation run by Vince Russo and inmates.
Jaymz: hahaha, "inmates" I like that
Jaymz: Russo can't help it
Jaymz: did I just say that?
Mr. Tito: Poor you.
Mr. Tito: I think he can
Jaymz: he can't help the fact that we don't like his ideas anymore
Mr. Tito: I believe he's out of his mind right now, and has nobody spanking his ass when he comes up with stupid ideas...like Vince McMahon did.
Jaymz: I like to get my ass spanked
Mr. Tito: At least tell us by who
Mr. Tito: Don't you dare say my mom!
Jaymz: no, she doesn't hit hard enough
Mr. Tito: Because if you come around her one more time...
Mr. Tito: Oh?
Jaymz: yeah, she thinks I can't take it...but I think that's another edition of Bad Tito
|Mr. Tito: It sure is. Speaking of editions of Bad Tito, what did you think of
last week's...you know, the one with the Drug References in wrestling?
Jaymz: this is hard for people who know me both on and offline but Jaymz is drug free
Jaymz: and they don't have any place in wrestling
Jaymz: I mean...really...you want to worship a man in lime green dickeys with drugs?
Jaymz: what about the younger fans? "Hey, dipshit does it...why not me?"
Mr. Tito: It's funny on the feedback for last week's column. Many thought I was bashing drug use...but I wasn't. It was just the references, like RVD's 4:20, Kronic, Godfather, and so forth..
Mr. Tito: Yeah. They don't understand how many kids look up to these wrestlers.
Mr. Tito: Hold on!!! We are talking serious here!
Mr. Tito: This is Bad Tito, not Oprah!
Jaymz: I know....are you sure I'm Jay?
Mr. Tito: We need to get trashy like Jerry Springer, to keep the talk show
Jaymz: you want me to charge you with a chair?
Mr. Tito: Sure. We'll call it a shoot, ok?
Jaymz: alright, watch my back though....at times it gets a bit stiff
Mr. Tito: Haha, sure. Since this is a "shoot". Oh wait, you just told me to watch the back. It's a WORK!!!
Jaymz: dammit....I took lessons from Russo
Jaymz: this is a "shoot" right? ok...let me see...."Fuck off Tito!"
Jaymz: how's that?
Jaymz: oh...I'm not supposed to ask that...cause I mean it...right?
Mr. Tito: Well, now that you started it...."KISS MY ASS BITCH!!!!" See, I'm shooting too!
Mr. Tito: Yeah, you shouldn't ask.
Jaymz: Tony Shitvone: "Now they are improvising the column."
Mr. Tito: Maybe we could have an announcer ask "is this real?"
Jaymz: we aren't improvising!
Mr. Tito: haha! We were on the same page with that one.
Mr. Tito: Yeah, I call it "half-assed"
Mr. Tito: BIG difference
Jaymz: well, you had a better idea
Jaymz: but I couldn't hold up my end
Mr. Tito: Like this chat....I was too lazy to write a Bad Tito, so I decided to interview you again. hehe
Jaymz: lol, yeah, I'm the only one you can find
Jaymz: nobody wants to shoot the shit with you
Mr. Tito: Yeah. I tried to get one of those HIGH PAID internet reporters, who I've mentioned a few weeks ago, but they said "no"
Jaymz: I'm high paid
Mr. Tito: Yeah, you make more than me!
Jaymz: yeah, and you've been at your workplace longer
Mr. Tito: Damn it! And I hired you too!
Jaymz: see, it's your fault
Mr. Tito: Somebody better call my momma
Mr. Tito: Oops, I stole a catchphrase
Jaymz: haha, well momma your ass on to the next topic
Jaymz: ooops! I did it too
Mr. Tito: Let me try again: I'm from Calgary........Alberta, Canada
Mr. Tito: Oh shit, I keep saying these repetitive catchphrases!
Jaymz: *tapping pen against desk*
Jaymz: I had the Canadian National Anthem in my head
Mr. Tito: Let's get serious here..haha
Jaymz: I can try
Mr. Tito: Don't blame Bad Tito, blame yourself!
Jaymz: damn straight!
Mr. Tito: Damn it. I must be in catchphrase mood tonight.
Jaymz: haha, hey!!
Jaymz: that's mine!
Jaymz: now you asked for it
Mr. Tito: Gonna threaten me with your wtf.mpeg videos?
Mr. Tito: By the way, present us a link for those wonderful readers who have NOT seen it yet.
|Mr. Tito: No longer exists? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jaymz: I took it off because I didn't feel like getting booted off again
Mr. Tito: What happened?
Mr. Tito: Damn those Tripod people!
Jaymz: I still have all 8 (6 of which were uploaded) on my computer
Jaymz: but I have to deny the good people the pleasure of seeing people eat puke
Mr. Tito: Shhhh! Why?
Mr. Tito: We fooled everyone last chat.
Jaymz: I know!! but I can give them a good surprise this time too
Jaymz: you know Jay
Mr. Tito: Oh? What will be the surprise?
Mr. Tito: Hopefully, it's not a Bill Goldberg heel turn.....
Jaymz: no no, I was gonna have Ultimate Warrior return
Mr. Tito: I thought he died?
Jaymz: yeah, I meant Warrior #15
Mr. Tito: Ohhhh. The one who calls himself Warrior
Jaymz: the one with the face paint and all...yeah him
Jaymz: have you ever read one of his columns?
Mr. Tito: Although his same name has always remained Jim Hellwig.
Mr. Tito: Yeah. God damn those are confusing.
Jaymz: the guy is....let me try to be PC.......fucked up
Mr. Tito: Then again, I'd be fucked up if I was brought into WCW with NO HEAT Whatsoever and to be forced to job to Hulk Hogan!
|Mr. Tito: Anyway Jaymz.....ready for the One Word association shit to end this
Mr. Tito: Although that your AOL of yours has froze up 2 times....
Mr. Tito: Oops! Did I say AOL? I mean, um, Yahoo! Chat.
Mr. Tito: LOL
Mr. Tito: Indeed. Good old Excite chat.
Mr. Tito: Anyway, ready for the one word association?
Jaymz: let's do the one word association before my "Excite Chat" (wink
Mr. Tito: Yeah. I don't want my "Excite Chat" to crash my computer either.
Mr. Tito: ARE YOU READY??
Jaymz: I said.....yes?
Jaymz: lets go
Mr. Tito: I said..... ARE YOU READY???
Jaymz: LET'S GO!!!!
Mr. Tito: For the thousands here in the arena...and the millions reading out
Mr. Tito: Ok, here goes
|Mr. Tito: Russo
Jaymz: Tito's lying...there's only 2 in attendance
Mr. Tito: shhhh! Don't tell the world, just like we've almost told everyone we have AOL Instant Messenger!
Jaymz: Russo, hurting for attention
Mr. Tito: Val Venis
Jaymz: hahaha...washed up in his second year
Mr. Tito: Ouch. "Shoot" interviews
Jaymz: you mean shoot or "shoot"?
Mr. Tito: Shoot Interviews....
Mr. Tito: You know, the stuff going on in WCW.
Jaymz: I think those are called "works"
Mr. Tito: Ha!
Mr. Tito: Our Last Bad Tito Interview
Jaymz: it reeks of awesomeness, but this one is handing it a bucket of hainosity
Mr. Tito: LOL. Here's one: Retards who laugh at the Phat Pharm
Jaymz: it works! Brad Nelson, Tony G, Krueges, Warpath, myself and others
Mr. Tito: All great writers! Here's another great one: TNN
Mr. Tito: I really can't WAIT for the WWF to have to put over Roller Jam. That will be sooo funny!
|Mr. Tito: Well, Jaymz, that's all for this travesty also known as our second
Jaymz: I would have to say so
Jaymz: thank you for inviting me once again
Mr. Tito: Yep. Any last thoughts?
Jaymz: maybe I'll do a 20 Questions with you
Mr. Tito: Yeah!!!
Jaymz: that would sooo rule
Mr. Tito: Yeah, totally!
Mr. Tito: Wait, are we Edge and Christian now?
Jaymz: well, we are totally awesome right?
Jaymz: so I would say so
Mr. Tito: We at least try. Well, it's been fun again, and could we see part 3 to
Jaymz: yeah, but let's use "Yahoo Chat" next time...this "Excite Chat" sucks....(*wink wink)
Jaymz: until we meet again on AOL INSTANT MESSANGER...I mean....bi bi
Mr. Tito: You mean Bye, Bye, Bye, right Mr. "N'Sync music stuck in my head"
Jaymz: ooooh....I think I stole a catchphrase
Mr. Tito: I agree. This AOL INSTANT MESSENGER sucks! Oops, I did it again!
Jaymz: I played with your heart......I'm not that innocent!
Jaymz: ooh, I said too much
Mr. Tito: haha! Till next time...
Mr. Tito: Don't eat children.
|Alright, want to see an different Bad Tito next
week? Want me to cover a controversial wrestling related
topic? You know the E-mail address, so please let me know!
By the way, Jaymz's e-mail is Jaymz@lordsofpain.net if you want to bother him or harass him for this interview. Remember, mine is firstname.lastname@example.org if you have a problem with me. Yes, don't write a column on us, come to us if you have a problem. How hard is that?
Ain't No Thang,