|BAD TITO - The Extra Column done by Mr. Tito, who also writes the Phat Daily Column. Sort of call this a column to blow off steam or just to have fun writing. Originally a special part of the Evolution, it now makes it home on the Phat Pharm. Enjoy.|
|Welcome to another edition of Bad Tito.
This week, since I'm short on time and thoughts about the
wrestling/internet world, I've decided to interview one of the first
ever Phat Pharm writers, Jaymz. He started out here with Dead
Bodies Everywhere, and eventually landed on the LoP Main Page.
Reminder that Bad Tito is an uncensored column, and these following
comments should be taken with discretion or something? Whatever.
Mr. Tito: Well, well, well....if it isn't Jaymz
Jaymz: what a pleasant surprise
Mr. Tito: So how does it feel to be a part of Bad Tito?
Mr. Tito: ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS I AM????
Jaymz: I AM! It feels pretty cool. Ever since I read the first one on Evoloution....
Jaymz: I have been hooked...I was sad to see it go
Mr. Tito: Hey now, it's back!
Mr. Tito: Anyway...enough bullshit about me...what about you?
Jaymz: what about me?
Mr. Tito: How does it feel to be one of the first Phat Pharm columnists?
Mr. Tito: Do you feel all tingly inside when you think about it?
Jaymz: I read a post one day on the PDC and thought to myself "Hey...I might make it on there...why not try?" Then you turned me down
Mr. Tito: I turned you down?
Jaymz: and then 10 minutes later, you took it back
Jaymz: yep...I still have the e-mail too
Mr. Tito: Oh yeah. I remember...I "thought" about it
|Mr. Tito: I think I was just finding a place in my heart for your column.....anyway
Mr. Tito: Remember your old times here at the farm?
Jaymz: and being the "blackheart"...the sole survivor...of the Pharm left...I feel like a real winner!
Mr. Tito: Remember your second column?
Jaymz: I remember after the 2nd DBE, I got soooo much hate mail!
Mr. Tito: We both got the hatemail for that one!
Jaymz: that was great!
Mr. Tito: hahaha!
Mr. Tito: I remember saying "Jaymz...kinda tone it down..if you want"
Jaymz: LoP had never had a columnist say "cum puddle" in a column before!
Jaymz: yeah, I got away with so much
Jaymz: and still do!
Mr. Tito: Yep. What was I thinking?
Mr. Tito: hahaha, just kidding!
Jaymz: you know...I did write that other daily column too
Jaymz: before DBE was born
Mr. Tito: Tell the World about this...
Jaymz: yeah, only I was "semi-daily".....my longest streak was one week. I didn't care, I would come in from class in the morning, type up some bullshit...post it and be on my merry way
Jaymz: then I applied for a weekly column too
Jaymz: the webmaster turned me down
|Mr. Tito: Who the fuck did that?
Jaymz: well, he ain't around anymore haha
Mr. Tito: And you are. Hmmmmm
Jaymz: a V3 site
Mr. Tito: ANYWAY, tell us how you got the idea for "Dead Bodies Everywhere"
Jaymz: Actually, I was listening to it when I wrote the sample....and it was on the part that just said "Dead Bodies
Jaymz: but the title originally was supposed to be "Candyass Commentary"
Mr. Tito: It fits so nicely. Candyass Commentary...you would have got my foot up your candyass for that one.
Mr. Tito: If you smelllllll, what the Tito..is baking.
Jaymz: that was the column I tried to get on with at the other site
Mr. Tito: Oh. But you tried Dead Bodies Everywhere with me, and passed with flying colors, eh?
Mr. Tito: NO?!
Jaymz: you always told me "I oughta fire you...you suck"
Jaymz: oh...wait, that wasn't you
Mr. Tito: Oh yeah.
Mr. Tito: Oops!
Jaymz: that was the readers
Jaymz: here is someting interesting that I remember about me
Mr. Tito: The best thing was seeing their hate for your vulgarity...turn into love.
Mr. Tito: What's that?
Jaymz: lol...I wouldn't call it "love"...they have to accept it or else!
Mr. Tito: Yeah!
Jaymz: oh, I was also a reporter before I was "Jaymz"
Mr. Tito: I think they fell in love with your celebrity matches.
Mr. Tito: Oh my. What was your name??
Jaymz: lol..fucking Geocities took one of those away
Jaymz: they deleted Kane vs. Barney because I used the account to host porn
Jaymz: but anyway
Jaymz: my name was "Big Juicy"
Mr. Tito: Host porn..shame on you.
Jaymz: there is a story behind that name too
Mr. Tito: Oh my.
Mr. Tito: I hope it's not like the story of KoRn
Mr. Tito: hahahaha!
Jaymz: here goes:
Jaymz: in Highschool, on my letter jacket it had "BJC" on it. (My initials) and this girl asked what they stood for
Jaymz: so I told her "Big Juicy Cock"
|Mr. Tito: Oh my God
Mr. Tito: WAIT!!
Jaymz: yeah, so my buddies started calling me "Big Juicy"
Mr. Tito: This is supposed to be a wrestling column, right?
Jaymz: yeah...but whem Jay is involved..things go to Hell
Mr. Tito: Umm.....WWF or WCW.
Jaymz: Dude! WCW!!!
Jaymz: weren't you asking who sucked more?
Mr. Tito: Now that the wrestling part of it is out of the way....
Mr. Tito: I'm not sure?
Mr. Tito: Still have Britney Spears tied to the wall?
Jaymz: no...she had to go on tour
Mr. Tito: damn
Mr. Tito: Did you "wrestle" her while she was at your house?
Jaymz: damn straight!
Jaymz: I even invented a new hold
Mr. Tito: Oh?
Jaymz: "Invincible Spinning Wheel Of......"
Mr. Tito: Of what?
|Jaymz: we never figured out that much, by this time she passes out
Mr. Tito: Oh my.
Jaymz: oh my indeed
Mr. Tito: I hear she really blew in the ring...
Jaymz: yeah she did...and she blows for a ring too
Mr. Tito: Oops, you did it again!
Mr. Tito: ICP vs. Eminem....Cage match to the death! Who would win?
Jaymz: point your finger of shame on me
Jaymz: oh...let me see.....
Jaymz: is it "Slim Shady", Eminem, or Marshall?
Mr. Tito: Ummmmm....he could change into any of them at any time.
Jaymz: I would have to say Slim Eminem Mathers b/c the ICP guys love each other more when they are both hot and
Mr. Tito: Wow, that's my answer too!
Mr. Tito: Anyway...what kind of drugs do you suspect Vince Russo to be on?
Jaymz: oh drugs...
Jaymz: drugs are bad mmmkay?
Mr. Tito: OR, is he just plain stupid.
Jaymz: well, he has that "Sylvester" lisp
Jaymz: is that caused by drugs?
|Mr. Tito: LOL. Hey now, he was THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE for the WWF's success.
Jaymz: yeah he was..... NOT
Mr. Tito: Not that there wasn't great talent to work with, or the great mind of Vince McMahon...oh no, that wasn't there!
Jaymz: Vinny who?
Mr. Tito: Tell everyone how big of a Hulk Hogan fan you are.
Jaymz: what kind of drugs are YOU on?
Jaymz: I never heard of Vince McMahon...
Mr. Tito: I'm hooked on wrestling...a very bad drug.
Jaymz: I love that balding bastard
Mr. Tito: Do you?
Mr. Tito: Tell us your reasons.
Jaymz: ok, he DID make wrestling. (Once) but then Vince McMahon took it to a whole new level. Without Hogan.
Jaymz: and that he just can't give us the "great" matches that he could at one time
Jaymz: that he is no longer "A Real American".....Kurt Angle is!
Mr. Tito: Yeah. I love how Lou Thez said that his grandma could do a better legdrop!
Mr. Tito: Kurt Angle = WWF's top future superstar
Jaymz: It's True
|Mr. Tito: Bash at the Beach...gonna buy it?
Jaymz: does a mute girl scream when being violated?
Mr. Tito: Oh my God!
Mr. Tito: What goes through your mind everyday?
Mr. Tito: What makes Jaymz tick?
Jaymz: honestly, I am not like this....this is my "slim shady"
Mr. Tito: Your Slim Shady? Do explain.
Jaymz: well...as he once said "If you are sick enough to think it...you are sick enough to say it."
Mr. Tito: Ohhh.
Jaymz: I think alot
Mr. Tito: Yes, from Koltershock, I can see that.
Jaymz: about ANYTHING
Jaymz: Koltershock is my way of sharing interesting things I see on the net
Mr. Tito: Speaking of Koltershock...how does it relate to wrestling?
Jaymz: well, we sometimes feature "wrestling" with lesbians....
Jaymz: does that count?
Mr. Tito: And that lady puking mist on that guy in the WTF series!
Jaymz: oh yeah....we should link thatfor people to enjoy
Mr. Tito: LOL
|Mr. Tito: There goes 60% of the readers....
Jaymz: nah...I'd say 65%
Mr. Tito: Yeah.
Mr. Tito: Poor souls.
Jaymz: imagine...the 2 sickest people on this site...together
Jaymz: in one column....what will we think of next?
Jaymz: yeah...remember Matilda?
Mr. Tito: Matilda?
Jaymz: you should...you paid
Mr. Tito: Man, you must be thinking of yourself
Jaymz: the whips....nipple rings
Jaymz: don't hide Tito
Mr. Tito: Oh my God.
Jaymz: I see you
Mr. Tito: I plead the 5th!
Jaymz: come on....
Jaymz: there you go.....well...
Mr. Tito: Alright...time to wrap this bitch up
Jaymz: if we find you innocent of going to Matilda's...we can't charge you again
Jaymz: you did
|Mr. Tito: I did not go there....
Mr. Tito: NO
Mr. Tito: this chat!!!
Mr. Tito: Time for...everyone's favorite
Mr. Tito: ONE WORD ASSOCIATION!!!
Mr. Tito: I say one word..and you give your thoughts on it.
Mr. Tito: As easy as Apple Pie
Jaymz: oh...we didnt' start
Mr. Tito: whatever
Mr. Tito: LOL
Mr. Tito: here goes.....
Mr. Tito: Silicon Breasts in Wrestling
Mr. Tito: WWF staleness
|Mr. Tito: WCW in 2 years
Jaymz: kids wont' know who they are
Mr. Tito: Backyard Wrestling
Jaymz: never done it...but would love to see it....maybe I should checkl out the links on the BBQ to get into it more
Mr. Tito: You should ----> Shameless Plug: http://www.lordsofpain.net/Backyard/
Jaymz: in that case
Mr. Tito: ECW on TNN
Jaymz: I love ECW, that was my first taste of ECW...but I hate the commercials....and hate TNN
Mr. Tito: Yeah. Same here.
Mr. Tito: La Parka
Jaymz: guy has moves....wish my knees were that limber!
Mr. Tito: Booker T
Jaymz: underated, and horribly misused
Mr. Tito: My mom
Jaymz: she had something to do with you....that counts against her, but I am very sure she is a very nice woman
Mr. Tito: Hey!!!
Jaymz: you should see the smile on my face
Jaymz: see my one tooth dangling down from my gum
Mr. Tito: and finally....Everything on LoP
Jaymz: everything on LoP...."LoP is a monster" as Boyd once said. It truly is. I am very happy to be a part of that, and it wouldn't be possible without that Phat Pharm guy....you know who I am referring to?
|Jaymz: what is his name....
Mr. Tito: Yeah, who is that guy?
Mr. Tito: noo
Mr. Tito: Maybe Jermaine?
Mr. Tito: No, not Mr. Jermaine....that's a BIG retard(more like retards)
Jaymz: there was another Jackson
Jaymz: Mr. Jackson
Mr. Tito: Speaking of retards, get any offers to be a co-webmaster somewhere?
Jaymz: yeah, Mr. Jackson
Mr. Tito: LOL
Mr. Tito: Or any offers to host Koltershock by any certain wrestling sites?
Jaymz: actually, yeah. that and offers to host Koltershock in return for DBE
Jaymz: but let me say this
Jaymz: give me a dollar....and I might think about it.
Mr. Tito: just a dollar?
Jaymz: no, I am very happy where I am
Mr. Tito: I'll give you $1.01 to stay here :)
|Jaymz: even if I have to refresh my column to break 1,000 hits
Mr. Tito: LOL
Jaymz: nah, I do it all for the nookie
Mr. Tito: Shit, I have to refresh mine 6,000 times!
Jaymz: yeah, I pay my buddies a nickel for every 10 refreshes
Jaymz: but they get lazy around 10
Mr. Tito: Damn.
Mr. Tito: Well, I think we've done enough damage here.
Jaymz: yeah, you have no fanbase left
Jaymz: lol..they all went to koltershock Hell
Mr. Tito: We are probably both going to get sued
Jaymz: no...I didn't use my real name....(call me "Jonny")
Mr. Tito: True
Mr. Tito: I didn't use mine either...Brad Renfro
Jaymz: I thought you said it was "A. Columnist"
Mr. Tito: I lie so much man!
Mr. Tito: OOOPS
Jaymz: maybe you should edit that out....Brad
Jaymz: I mean....uh
Mr. Tito: Ah, fuck it
Mr. Tito: Closing thoughts?
|Jaymz: If you are going to make a proposition for me to leave LoP and go to your site...you better:
Jaymz: A: hook me up with a ton of porn
Jaymz: B: Allow me to have as much fun and work with the best in the business..
Jaymz: which can only be done here...so I guess LoP is stuck with me for now
Mr. Tito: That should earn you browny points.
Jaymz: I try...
Jaymz: like this
Mr. Tito: I have a closing thought to end this chat
Jaymz: I want to publicly
Jaymz: closing thought from Tito:
Mr. Tito: Why thank you.
Mr. Tito: It was a pleasure to have you as part of this shitty column.
Jaymz: that shows your lazyness....Tito didn't want to type a column so he finds ANYBODY to do some inverview with
Jaymz: and he only found me
Mr. Tito: Yeah
Jaymz: little old me..
Mr. Tito: I was hoping for some jabronie from a Newzbored, but I found you
Jaymz: I thought I was your homey?
Jaymz: oh that wasn't you
Mr. Tito: Now that we have offended 99%
Mr. Tito: Time for the closing thought!!!
Mr. Tito: Closing thought: Who took a shit and called it the chat version of Bad Tito?
Click Here to scream at Mr. Tito for this interview.
Click Here to scream at Jaymz for this interview.
How do you like us now?