It's me... It's me... It's P - D - C. Ok, that didn't make any sense, but I've always wanted to say that ever since I heard DDP's new theme. Welcome to an all new edition of the Phat Daily Column. Today, we'll take a look at 2 WWF, 2 WWF, 2 WWF programs. Hey, I must be in DDP mode right now. Anyway, we'll review Smackdown and Tough Enough, and hopefully not throw any tantrums while reviewing them.
Reading through the great Wilen's Chyna-Larry King recap, I want to applaud because Chyna, for the first time on any kind of media, did not lie. That's right, she went along with what she said in her book instead of making up crazy stuff. The only thing she forgot to mention is what an egomaniac she became after her Playboy shoot, which I guess nobody can see themselves having. Just ask Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, or Kevin Nash.
It is quite insane, if you think about it. Especially the ones in power, like Bischoff, Nash, Hogan, or Russo. They don't see how badly they are destroying a company, while they honestly think that their way is great. It's very frightening. Now the McMahon family go on ego trips a lot, too, but at least some of their ideas, while on those trips, are somewhat decent, whereas the others are completely stupid.
I don't know if you caught it or not, but on ESPN's "Up Close", boxers Lennox Lewis and Hasim Rahman got into a little wrestling match after some heated words. What does this have to do with wrestling? Besides the WWF references made by Sportscenter, some are calling this situation a "worked shoot" as a cheap promotion to hype this bout. My opinion on this is that I'm not sure if it's a work or not. Why? Well, both seemed extremely pissed, but on the other hand, neither threw any punches at each other while wrestling around the studio. You'd think as boxers, they'd swing away when they had the chance, right?
Speaking of being worked, have you seen the gasoline prices lately? It's just amazing that the Oil industry is claiming an oil shortage right now, right in time for Labor Day weekend. Holy shit! They claimed that around 4th of July, Memorial Day, last year's Labor Day, last year's 4th of July, and last year's Memorial Day. It's also very amazing when the prices go back down after those holidays are over. Wow. I know that's not pro-wrestling related, but I just needed to bitch about it somewhere.
On to the PDC.
Looks like the WWF has realized that opening matches are more healthier for the crowds to keep cheering throughout the show. The first match was APA/Big Sloth vs. Dudleys/Test. Not a bad 6 man, with a great 3D on the Big Show. I'm sure D'von Dudley could have made a good effort to lift Big Show if the Big Show wasn't over 100 pounds overweight. Bradshaw would then pick up the victory, to avenge his RAW loss, which makes me wonder: when will Bradshaw ever get his singles push, like Ross was hyping?
Kurt Angle comes down to the ring and bores us with a long interview. ZZZZZZZZ. He eventually calls out Austin, but Booker T comes down, cause ya know, he needs to look bad against someone. OK, if there's anyone for him to lose to, it's Kurt Angle, who should be looking like Superman with his face push, and for the fact that nobody could touch him in real life.
Alright, the Steve Austin segments were soooooooooooooo boring. Oh my God, Austin just talking into the camera and making no sense. Lame!
Oh wow, nice of the Undertaker to not only kick out of Albert finishing moves, but some chairshots too. Also, what a lovely finish to this match the Undertaker created. Good old disqualification. I think this little feud would have been MUCH better if Albert and X-Pac got the win in a Handicap match, but instead, it now relies on a lame DQ finish to carry on the feud. Stupid stinking Undertaker.
Cookies don't equal comedy, by the way.
BRAVO to the Rock for putting over Rhyno. Now I say a lot of bad things about the Rock, like how he gets repetitive, lacks fundamentals, and throws too many righthands, but occasionally, the WWF books him to lose, and what a great feeling it is. It's bigtime elevation for Rhyno, and you wouldn't see old fucks like the Undertaker putting over young talent, now would you? Nope, not at all. The match was pretty good, although I was just begging for Rob Van Dam and the Rock to wrestle against each other more. Just begging!!
Decent match developing between Kanyon and Edge, until Christian accidentally hit Edge with the title belt. Funny how Christian says he'll make it up to Edge by having himself fight the Rock on RAW, which is in his hometown. I wonder if the WWF will be piping cheers into the crowd, in case the Canadians decide to really cheer for Christian instead of the Rock. That's sort of a dangerous move for the WWF to make.
Next match was Hurricane Helms/Ivory vs. Molly Holly/Spike. Ehh, an OK match, although it suffered from a little miscommunication, at times, between the wrestlers about moves. This new Super Hero gimmick for Helms is very lame, although his new Titantron is hilarious. I'd say that Helms needs a better costume, because doesn't look like a Super Hero.
Ransom for Moppy = Ratings
Earlier in the week, it was reported that the WWF locker room enjoyed the interaction between Kurt Angle and Mike Awesome. I liked it too. Awesome was given the opportunity to do a good segment, and he came through. Let's hope for an Awesome vs. Angle match on RAW?
Tajiri vs. Lance Storm was next, and it was just 2 and a half minutes long. Now tell me, how do you expect anything good to come out of a match that short? They now have Torrie Wilson screwing with Tajiri's head, which will lead to a dirty swerve in the very end. May separate Tajiri from Regal? Who knows? I certainly hope not.
Kurt Angle vs. Booker T, their 4th televised match, was probably their weakest match, since it was somewhat shorter, Booker T's credibility is already gone, and the overbooking at the very end of the match. Through all of the confusion, Kurt Angle wins off of a German suplex pin, which is a weak finisher for any main event. After the match, Austin talks for about 10 minutes, and throws Angle's medals into the River. That's sooooo 1997.
LAST WORD: The little Austin segments totally ruined this show, which was decent overall. Steve Austin just has way too much time given to him right now, and that time could be used to extend some matches or give that vast talent roster some time on a television show. OH WAIT, we can't do that, because wrestlers having power always prevails! My bad. I'll give this show a B- (B minus), which could have been higher, minus anything involving Austin.
This week, the remaining 5 (Chris from Harvard, Maven, Josh, Nidia, and Taylor) all went on the road to see what it's like to be a WWF superstar. The plan was to head to a Pay Per View, then RAW, and then Smackdown to see how it really feels. Taylor really struggled with this, as she got drunk one night, and became worn out for the rest of the trip, sleeping at various points in the show. Uh oh, that could be the straw that breaks the camel's back for the women's contract.
I found it funny that all of the WWF employees were very nice to the Tough Enough contestants, when in reality, they have to be furious at how easy these kids have it. Most WWF wrestlers have fought for years to get into the WWF, whereas the Tough Enough contestants are getting pampered. I'm sure that the WWF locker room won't be as nice to the 2 winners, once they receive their WWF contracts. Trust me on that one.
Nothing much really happened on this week's show, besides Taylor's fate being decided. It was sort of a filler show, with absolutely no cuts being made. I have a feeling that we won't see any cuts next week, either, to save the drama for the season finale in 3 weeks.
LAST WORD: Now, I'm going with Nidia because she handled the Road Trip much better than Taylor. Taylor seemed to take it as a goofy vacation instead of what she could be doing on a weekly basis. For the guys, I'll still pick Chris From Harvard, despite Maven cutting a better promo. Actually, I didn't think much of Maven's promo, but the WWF guys popped a boner over it.
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@That's it for today's edition of the Phat Daily Column. I shall be back, tomorrow, with the Week in Review edition of the PDC, so just chill....
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