Welcome everyone to the Phat Daily Column. You should know the tradition. If not, today is Monday Night Impressions day, or more or less, Monday Night RAW Review day. I do miss having the option of watching Nitro, but oh well, because NFL football is back on ABC now, beotch! If there's anything that's a bigger drug than professional wrestling, it's NFL football. I HATE any other football, other than the NFL, like College, High School, or any other lame pro-league, like the XFL. I especially like the NFL because of a Fantasy League I'm involved with, in which I won over $100 by winning last year, along with a nice trophy as well.
Speaking of the NFL, as I was watching the Rams vs. Titans game for the few minutes that I did Saturday night, it appears as though FOX has taken a page out of the XFL handbook. Their camera views were at a diagonal view just like the XFL used to do, only from the front instead of the back. Quite funny. I don't think ABC uses this yet, and I don't know what CBS is doing. But FOX was influenced by the XFL, and you just know Vince McMahon is popping a boner for that. No doubt.
Before I get off on a tangent about the NFL, on to the PDC.
What's with the set in Sacramento? No ramp or pyros anywhere. Is the WWF cutting costs because of the new, expensive Smackdown set? That, or the arena set up was screwy. Speaking of this arena, are the fans out in Sacramento like walking zombies or something? They were totally silent for most of the events that went on last night. Of course, some of it's the WWF's fault, but gosh, don't be silent for everything. Even the Pittsburgh crowd, at the last Smackdown I went to, popped for some of the matches or segments.
First segment shows Steve Austin getting his ass kissed by the many Alliance members. Hey, I found a major problem... The WWF is spending way too much time on Steve Austin non-wrestling segments anymore. It only gets worse...........
First match of the night was Molly Holly/Lita/Jackie vs. Stacy Kiebler/Torrie Wilson/Ivory, in the match that everyone was just dying to see when it was booked last night on Sunday Night Heat. Bad, bad women's match. They should NOT let Stacy or Torrie wrestle, whatsoever. Both ladies are too prissy to take an honest beating in the ring, like Jackie, Molly, Lita, or Ivory can take. The WWF should have asked Molly Holly if either Torrie or Stacy had any potential as wrestling superstars. Hey, look at this pic!
Wow, isn't that WCW wasting Molly there in order to train Torrie? If you haven't read the PDC before, then this is the first time you're seeing this picture. Molly Holly used to be Miss Madness for Macho Man's stupid stable, and after she was impressing fans with her off the top rope moves, WCW decided to use her and Madusa to train their valets to become wrestlers. Some people you just can't train!!! [ Picture courtesy of WCW Magazine ]
I love that picture. Next segment shows Test and Stephanie reuniting as friends. Awww, how touching. I guess the fact that both are "Alliance" leads them to this behavior, after all of the bad feuds that have occurred between them. The are "family" now, I suppose. Ah screw it, at least Test is getting an honest shot again, and he has the ability to work well. Now if someone could find some charisma in him, then maybe he could come out of this a winner.
Next, it's a LONG Rock interview. The WWF really seems to be breaking out the longer interviews anymore. Oh wait, I know why! Rock and Austin are in separate feuds, that's why. Rock did his usual stuff, repeating his lines like the best of them... you know, Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Steve Austin... Hey, those are 3 guys who made millions from the wrestling business. Rock would later bring out a Booker T midget, which was stupid. The best use of a midget, ever, was when DX brought out the Bret Hart midget, because that was a real pie in the face to a wrestler. Lance Storm would then come out to challenge Rock, and then he'd superkick the midget. Poor little guy. I guess that midget would get put over better later in the night...
Fun 12 man match, but it was only good because it was nothing but a crazy finishing move spotfest. Each guy ran in and just whipped out a finisher, one after one. It was funny who got the pin for the WWF team. Mr. Out-of-Shape himself, the Big Slow. He looks like absolute shit right now, as I wonder why the WWF hasn't even bothered to send him to Ohio Valley Wrestling for the Mark Henry deal. Kudos to Tommy Dreamer for selling the Chokeslam like it was death.
Chris Jericho vs. Test was a decent match, although risking further injury on Jericho certainly isn't worth it. Nasty big boot to finish the match, which I actually envisioned when Jericho was chasing Stephanie around the ring. Stephanie, by the way, doesn't look as sexy in the short shorts compared to how she looks in mini-skirts.
Ahhh, it's nice of Lance Storm to carry the Rock in a match. Too bad Storm doesn't have a few inches more in size or any political power, or he'd be a tremendous heel for the WWF right now. Hell, he's that right now, even at his smaller size. I puke at the idea of sticking him back with Justin Credible, because that tag team will only hold him down, once again. Anyway, Rock won the match and cleanly, and afterward, the midget got his revenge on Lance Storm by doing the People's Elbow to him. Wow, I bet the hardcore ECW fans will furious about that embarrassment. The Righthand Rock count was 18 or 19 this week, which shows you how great of a "wrestler" he is. He is a good performer though, which is what you should call him instead of a wrestler.
Next, it was Christian vs. Matt Hardy for the Euro Title. Textbook match between these two, with a good, clean finisher. Wow, clean wins everywhere tonight. Why couldn't a clean win occur in the Austin vs. Angle match at Summerslam? Hardy's victory will probably cause more jealousy on Christian's part towards Edge, slowly developing the heel turn.
William Regal and Tajiri segments from within the office always put me in tears from laughing. When Regal caught Tajiri looking at a picture, of I think Tori?, that was too much. Booker T came in, and demanded a match against the Rock. Regal said "no", since Rock already defended the title, and then Regal told Booker T about the midget. Uh oh. Booker T would get pissed at Tajiri from laughing, and challenges him to a match.
I don't know what to say about their little match. First, Tajiri appeared to have some offense, and then Booker T would just dominate the rest of the way. After X-Pac went over Tajiri last night, Tajiri gets humiliated by this. Funny how X-Pac was no where to be seen last night. Isn't that just amazing?!? Anyway, Booker T's violence got him a disqualification, which was totally lame in my book. Maybe a Rock save would better hype the rematch?
Wow, they truly are depushing Diamond Dallas Page by having 24 year old Sara defeating him, although it was with the Undertaker's help. Do you notice how DDP was WILLING to lose to Sara? Does anybody notice how DDP was WILLING to get his ass kicked at Summerslam? If the WWF thinks there's a problem with him backstage, just take a look at how he's doing what the booking committee tells him. I bet if you'd ask Rock, Triple H, Steve Austin, or the Undertaker to lose to a woman or to get their ass beat in a cage match on Pay Per View, they'd say "no way". Obviously not DDP.
Stone Cold Appreciation Day..... I only have one line to say about this: FINGER OF SHAME.
What a joke. The WWF is doing WAY too many interview segments or whatnot. They totally wasted a shitload of time trying to sing that fucking song in honor of Steve Austin. To make matters worse, all of the casual fans WHO HAVE NO FUCKING LOYALTY TO THE WWF WHATSOEVER will probably stay tuned to raise the ratings for just this week. I would have whipped out a Double Finger of Shame, had I not laughed at seeing Kurt Angle drinking milk like Austin does his beer. By the way, I'm sure Angle was a bit sick after drinking all of that milk, backstage. Ever see the Jackass episode where they try to chug a gallon of milk in a contest?
LAST WORD: Besides the Ladies' match and the Sara-DDP match, I was perfectly fine with the matches on this show. However, the matches didn't dominate the show, the interviews and the backstage segments did. A desperate Vince McMahon trying to cheaply keep the ratings high is a very bad thing. This show gets a
C-
(C minus) for a focus on the sports entertainment side of wrestling, for a couple of bad matches, and a lack of a main event.
By the way, my good friend "Shooter" Shawn Valloric from WrestlePalooza.com calculated that the WWF had only 20 minutes and 16 seconds of total match time. Yikes. Consider that there's approximately 40 minutes of commercial time (maybe 35), and we have about an hour's worth of Sports Entertainment, maybe more if I'm mis-calculating commercial time. Numbers don't lie, suckas.
Unforgiven?
Like I figured, it looks like we're seeing Summerslam all over again, with the exception of a few matches, I guess. It's still to early to really predict this show, but ah well, let's try it.
-Booker T vs. the Rock
-Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle
-Edge vs. Christian
-Chris Jericho vs. Test
I still don't see the WWF doing the big "unification" match at Unforgiven. They'd want to save it for Survivor Series, which is bigger than Unforgiven and/or No Mercy. Edge and Christian will eventually break up to fight for the IC title, and Test and Jericho will continue feuding, from what I can see.
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@I'm sure I'll get called "negative" by some hypocritical columnist or columnists out there cause I gave RAW a "C-", although I clearly stated my reasons why I didn't like the show. Can't wait. Little do the dumbasses know is that I've given a B+, B, B, B, B-, and an A for the last handful of shows that I've graded. If you call me negative for that kind of grading, then clearly, you're a stupid douchebag. End of story.
I'll be back, tomorrow, with Ratings Analysis, as I'll try to offer up excuses why the WWF had a lower rating or a higher rating. I'm thinking it will rise since Summerslam just went down and that the casual and no loyalty fans kept tuning in to watch the sports entertainment. But no matter what I write, I'll just get called "negative", which is just fine with me because it won't stop me from writing everyday, suckas.
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Take Care, and Thanks for Reading, even if you dislike me.
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