It's just another manic Monday....I wish it were Sunday. Ahem! Tonight is the night for wrestling as one federation tries to survive, while the other tries to hype their Pay Per View. Who will come on top? Well, that's easy to answer, but by how much will the WWF win? Well, let's hype their shows up, so on to the PDC!


-RAW Hype-

There will be an opening interview tonight, and according to my CLOSE SOURCES, it's going to go something like this(warning: this is a Parody):

****Triple H's music hits, and he comes to the ring with Stephanie****

Triple H: I am the game-uhhhh! From what Stephanie tells me at night, in bed, I'M THAT DAMN GOOD!

Stephanie: Yeah, when I imagine you are Kurt Angle

Triple H: WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!?!?!

Stephanie: Oh nothing honey. You must be hearing things. Just like you are slowly seeing me and Kurt getting together, and ruining our marriage.

Triple H: Um, ok? I just want to say that me and Kurt are BOYZ now. I misjudged him. Although he's probably going to steal my wife, I love him! Come on out!!

****Kurt Angle comes out with Shane McMahon****


Angle: Yeah Triple H...we are Homeboyz now. By the way Stephanie, you look PHAT (Pretty Hot and Tempting) tonight!

Triple H: You are calling her FAT? You son of a bitch!!! Well, at least you will now stay away from my wife, unless you are actually Mike Awesome.

Angle: Triple H is such a dumb's true, it's true! Oops! I mean, Triple H is God!

Shane: I have an idea for a tag match!!! How about Triple H and Kurt Angle versus myself and the Rock! OH MY GOD, THE RATINGS WILL BE EASY TO SMELL THEN!!!!

Triple H: Yeah! Even though the odds of me turning on Angle are HUGE, I'll do it.

****Mick Foley comes out!****

Mick: Hold on Shane! I have to have some say in the main event here at RAW! Plus, the dumbass producers just told me that I need to extend this long interview by 10 whole minutes! However, I'm NOT going to change the match. I like it! On paper, it looks like the Rock is screwed...but he isn't. It's a cheap way to hype a Pay Per View because you know that it will be a NO CONTEST finish due to Triple H and Angle attacking each other...therefore, I won't change it.

After 30 more minutes of babbling, which included references to "Harry and the Hendersons" and "Alf", they stopped and went to commercial.

Well, even if a match isn't booked this way, it's very obvious that Triple H and Kurt Angle will turn on each other. Stephanie will be heavily involved, probably fueling the fire. I remember a WWF which wasn't so predictable.

A good bit of the Summerslam card has been booked, for once in WWF's lives, so we should see those feuds attempting to heat up.

Other than that, not much to really hype. There will be lots of run-ins and screwjobs to give some "heat" to the feuds. Very typical WWF.


-Nitro Hype-

The dumbasses at had a picture link for Nitro...only it went to Thunder. Gee, good work on the official page of WCW!

Oh my God!!! In a work "shoot", Vince Russo will offer Bill Goldberg his official release tonight. Yeah, whatever. Stop it with this nonsense. A few of you out there say that reality shows like Survivor, Big Brother, and Millionaire are huge, so why not do it in wrestling. Well, those reality shows don't attract wrestling fans if you didn't notice when Smackdown is on UPN Thursday Nights. Plus, those reality shows are actually real! Wrestling is known to be worked, and when any fan sees someone like Russo screaming at the beginning of Nitro, the first words are "God, that is soooo fake". Besides, these little mind games with Goldberg proved to be a bad ratings draw last week.

Very odd tag match here: Mike Awesome and Captain Rection vs. Lance Storm and Jeff Jarrett. Take out the worthless Captain Rection, and we have a strong tag match! Team Canada and MIA will run around in the ring for this one, while Jarrett and Awesome will go into the stands fighting. Yay.

Tank Abbott will reveal his newest single, "Ain't Nothing but a Tank Thing". Oh God. I forget where I read it, but I'm going to agree that making Tank a shooter last week, and then a goof again this week is insane! Crazy booking like this is why those costs keep adding up.

Oh God, David Flair will "attempt" to propose to Ms. Hancock Stacy on Nitro. Yeah, knock her up, and then marry her! You might as well have a shot-gun wedding as well.

Everyone is wondering why Perfect Event, Jindrak/O'Haire, Mike Sanders, and Reno are hanging out together. Well, not everyone. This won't be answered, but it's a good way for someone to hide the potential of Jindrak and O'Haire from really shining.

Ohhhh! Revealing information about Fall Brawl tonight! From the feelings of the last Pay Per View, when should we exactly care?

Plus, many others will be there to "attempt" to smell the ratings. Audio Show: NEW show tonight after RAW/Nitro!!! Click Here to Listen!

@That's all for today. I'll be back with the wonderful world of Monday Night Impressions, loaded with thoughts, Phat Stats, and a grade for each show. Why not check out Non Sanctioned at the Phat Pharm?

Phat Pharm: NEW Edition of "Non Sanctioned" to Read, along with other great columns! Click Here!!

Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.

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