Welcome to another fun and wonderful edition of Mr. Tito's Phat Daily Column. Today, we'll review RAW, and nothing else whatsoever. It's not like we have WCW Nitro to rip on anymore. But at least with Nitro, you had something to flip back and forth between. But hey, that's what the baseball season and/or Baseball Tonight can do for us now, right?
I had tons of feedback regarding the "Tito books RAW!" column. Some enjoyed what I did. Others hated what I "booked" for the show. Finally, many liked bits and pieces of what I tried to do. Instead of going ridiculous on the so-called fantasy booking, I tried to keep in mind what happened at last week's RAW and what the WWF's current objectives are, such as pushing Kane as a main event face. Which is why I had Kane go over the Big Show and eventually the Undertaker. Many people thought my Flair vs. Austin was a direct rip-off of the usual wrestler vs. the Boss feud, but in the back of my head, this would have been different. By sort of turning Flair heel, he could maybe form the 4 Horsemen in some fashion. Too bad Benoit is on Smackdown, eh?
There were things that were very much liked by the readers. The Hardys vs. Scott Hall/X-Pac feud had lots of praise by the readers, which I hoped would happen. With Kevin Nash out with the injury, I thought, wouldn't Hall and X-Pac now become a tag team? I figured they'd go that way anyway, but with Nash out, I tried to figure out who they could feud with. Many liked the return of D'Lo idea, as he'd put up a great effort against Rob Van Dam. Many readers suggested that D'Lo enter the Guerrero vs. RVD feud since he does a mean Froggy Splash himself.
In reality, I probably could "book" RAW like this every week. I mean sure, anybody and their mother can make a show look good on paper by doing it just one week. But to do it every week? Sure, Stephanie and some of the WWF writers have the intelligence level of a doorknob, but after filling 2 television shows for each week of the year can completely burn you out. I mean, Vince Russo went crazy by the end of his WWF run, and his mind was never the same. All of his good ideas were gone by the time he hit WCW.
Of course, pay me a nice salary to do it weekly, and maybe I'd be able to "book" RAW or any other television show everyweek. Then again, I'd probably get thrown through a wall for trying to make the Undertaker job twice in a month.
On to the PDC.
We started RAW off with the Undertaker coming out, complaining about losing his title shot. I expected this would happen. Ric Flair would then come out, whooo, and promise the Undertaker a the #1 contender title after Backlash. This would prompt Steve Austin to come out and get the "What" cheers for the fans in the the arena, which does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for anyone at home. If anything, have Austin come out before RAW occurs and get the fans to get the "Whats" out of their system beforehand. Quit wasting the television audiences' time, especially since we outnumber those in an arena. Austin and the Undertaker would argue about the #1 contender spot, to which Flair would half ass book 2 matches for the evening to determine who might fight at Backlash for the spot. Undertaker would call Austin "cue ball", LOL, which would start a brawl. The Undertaker was really good during this whole segment. His character is SOOOOO much better ever since he started feuding with Flair.
Our first match of the night was Booker T vs. Bubba Ray Dudley. See why I booked Booker T for a stupid segment on my booked RAW? There's no place for him on this roster. RAW lacks any upper midcarders or main event faces to go against Booker T, especially since RVD and Steve Austin already had their way with him. Booker T fought Bubba in a decent hardcore bout which turned into a wrestling match. Then things got silly, as Goldust ran in and via the 24/7 rule, tried to attack Bubba. Bubba would powerbomb Goldust through a table for the win. Ummm, what about Booker T? Gotta love how the WWF does their Hardcore matches.
Kane's character is really taking off, as the proof of that was shown during his interview with Terri Funbags. Kane vs. X-Pac was next, in a falls count anywhere/no DQ match. Not bad, but as they went to the back, you just knew the NWO would attack Kane. Lots of weapons were used to beat down Kane, and X-Pac would get the win tonight. X-Pac would then rip off Kane's mask, and use it to taunt Kane for the remainder of the show. Interesting... After this beatdown, as punishment to the NWO, Flair suspended Kevin Nash for what happened. Umm, I understand they need a reason for Kevin Nash to sit at home and rest while he collects $750,000 per year on a downside guarantee, but why not suspend all 3 members for their actions?
Many called me an idiot for having Spike Dudley beat William Regal for the European Title on RAW in Monday's column. HA! Spike quickly destroyed Regal, and I hope that Spike is a transitional champion for a better heel to hold the European title. Afterward, fellow wrestlers Tommy Dreamer and the Big Slow would dump 7-11 slurpies on Spike and Johnathan Coachman in celebration. Talk about a hard shill for a WWF promotion. Anybody else think those slurpies looked like dumping a cup of motor oil on their heads?
Next match was Rob Van Dam vs. the Undertaker. It started off slow, and with the Undertaker no-selling a lot of moves, but I liked the drama at the end. Lots of near falls from various Eddy Guerrero interferences. Some may say that the Undertaker embarrassed RVD. Well, it took a hell of a lot of cheating for the Undertaker to eventually win the match. Plus, RVD did have the Undertaker beat at one point in the match, until he decided to attack Eddy Guerrero instead. Eddy vs. RVD will blow your socks off at Backlash.
Couple things to laugh at for the Women's division. I found it quite goofy for Terri Funbags to be interviewing Molly Holly, especially since Molly was ripping on Terri's match with Trish last week on RAW. Also, just when you thought Jazz couldn't get any uglier, she looked horrible with a blackeye at ringside.
But what I won't laugh at was the Trish vs. Molly Holly match. Molly is the best all around Women's wrestler in the WWF, and Trish probably gives the most effort into the matches than any of them. Pretty decent bout, and Molly's new look is SMOKIN'! God damn, all it took was a hair dye and new tights, and she looks incredible! Why not push her as the new heel? She's a bigger draw than Jazz, I'll tell you that much. Vicious title shot by Jazz on Trish on the outside. I'm hoping that Trish wins back her title at Backlash, and that she'll then feud with Molly Holly. With Molly's new makeover, she could be pretty big in the Women's division, or at least much better than Jazz.
Yes!!! Paul Heyman cut a promo for Brock Lesnar. About friggin' time. Heyman gave his history of who he's managed, and whatnot. For those of you who were confused on the Austin and Undertaker references, please dig through old WCW stuff, like say, in the early 1990's. I know Austin was in the Dangerous Alliance, and I'm assuming Mark Callous (the Undertaker) was at one point or he was at least managed by Paul E. Dangerously at one point. The Undertaker really wasn't there for long, as I only remember seeing him in WCW for a brief moment and then being SHOCKED at how big he became as the Undertaker in the WWF. Clips were shown of his dominance in the WWF, and then the Hardys would come down for a fight. After Brock fought them off for the first time, the Hardys would get chairs and deliver some DEVASTATING chairshots, which only phased Brock. Yes, I've been a big backer of the Hardys. Yes, I can see where having an established tag team getting pounded by one man is bad. HOWEVER, what else can you do with the Hardys? Singles pushes? Too small, and they lack proper mic skills or emotions to get over on their own. Brock is insanely talented and is new blood for the WWF right now, so let's push him to the moon.
Big Show vs. Mr. Perfect was next. Huh?!?!? Didn't anybody backstage learn their lesson from the Hardys vs. Perfect/Bossman match? Man, the Big Show is in horrible shape, insomuch that he can barely move around the ring now. He's about as fast as Andre was in the late 1980's, and that was an Andre with terrible back problems. I can't believe the WWF doesn't bother to discipline the man for his terrible shape? You didn't see this slow of a Big Show back when he was the Giant in WCW during 1995-1997, and he was at least slightly faster during his early WWF days instead of what he is today. Just sickening. IMPRESSIVE Perfect Plex by Mr. Perfect, lifting his royal fatass up. Of course, from the many backyard shows I've witnessed, I've found that if you hook the leg, a suplex can be more easier to execute than not hooking the leg. Still, that's a 500 pound man he just tossed.
Hey yo... Scott Hall took on Stone Cold Steve Austin in a pretty good Main Event. Like I've said before, Scott Hall has peformed well on television, thus far. This match was far better than the Wrestlemania one, although the ending got crazy with the many referee bumps, inteference, etc. Austin would Stunner Ric Flair again, which makes me wonder, when will Flair vs. Austin happen?!?!?
LAST WORD: MUCH better show than last week's. Satisfying midcard, although some matches were insanely short or worthless (Big Show vs. Pefect). I felt that Brock should have wrestled a match instead of fending off the Hardys, but who knows where that will lead? I'll go
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@That's all, folks. I'm probably somewhere in leftfield in terms of my booking for tonight's RAW, but I had lots of fun
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.