Well, well, well.... Um, Welcome to another lovely edition of the Phat Daily Column. I apologize for no Friday or Weekend column, but I wasn't able to watch Smackdown/Tough Enough until late Saturday night. So rather than writing a column for those two shows, since I have a GOOD idea for today's column, I'll just whip up some condensed reviews.
SMACKDOWN: Very odd interview to start Smackdown.. Oh darn, Albert and Scotty 2 Hotty broke up. Oh boo hoo. Now watch, Albert will get pushed hard as a singles competitor, despite no longer having the rub off the over Scotty 2 Hotty... Hulk Hogan is the new #1 contender, which was a quick decision based on the crowd reaction to Triple H vs. Undertaker. I can fully understand why the Undertaker would be pissed, but Triple H vs. Hogan will draw more PPV buys... Christian beat DDP, in probably what will end the feud. I'm all for Christian getting pushed, but to further job DDP, again?!? Oh geesh, I thought the split would help DDP somewhat... Hogan is back in the Red and Yellow. Yes Virginia, hell has frozen over... I figured Edge vs. Angle was hotshotting a PPV match, but leave it to a DQ finish to keep this feud going. Too bad there can't be rematches because of someone winning cleanly or at least cheaply, nowadays in the WWF... Billy Kidman won the WWF Cruiserweight title and a valet, in his future wife, Torrie Wilson. Lucky guy. Cruiserweight match was somewhat short in length, overall, which gives me fear about how the division will play out in the long run... I enjoyed the idea of Vince sending Hardcore Holly to KILL Maven for losing the Hardcore title. Very nice touch... Solid main event between Rocky and Jericho. Jericho's new role will to stay as a heel, while putting over every main event face that comes his way. That's too bad. I'll give the show a B- overall, as it was mostly a typical Smackdown show, despite the "split" roster.
TOUGH ENOUGH: I can't say that I enjoy this season of Tough Enough 2. I enjoyed watching Nidia, Josh, Chris Harvard, Maven, and the chick Vince referred to as a "softball player", Taylor (thanks to ccw81 for helping me remember Taylor's name). I feel that the current contestants lack any depth in character that would intrigue me to watch every week. Plus, aside from Jake and the man who is now off the show, Matthew, I don't see any of these guys becoming wrestlers, whatsoever. Too bad Matthew blew out his knee. You gotta feel bad for Jesse, though.
Well, there you go. The Friday edition of the Phat Daily Column condensed into 2 paragraphs. Now for today, I figure I'd do something special. Given that tonight is RAW, I figured, why not BOOK RAW? I'll just shove Stephanie McMahon's fatass out the door and take over as Head Booker for the WWF, for one day (just for fun). Many readers have requested some fantasy booking on my part, so why not disappoint? Especially since RAW could use some better storylines, in my opinion.
Without further ado, ON TO THE PDC!
RAW THEME PLAYS!! Fireworks, explosions, thank God Tito is booking this show!
Opening match: Rob Van Dam vs. D'Lo Brown
RVD comes out to an incredible pop, and D'Lo follows. Give this match a nice 7-8 minutes, thereby making D'Lo's return look quite good in a match paid attention to by RVD fans. RVD wins, only to get attacked, again, by Eddy Guerrero. However, RVD fights back with some offense, and Guerrero runs out of the ring like a coward. Hot feud at Backlash, indeed.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Backstage, and Hall and X-Pac are confronted by Kane. Kane yells at them for the beatdown, but in the meantime, the Big Show runs in, grabs Kane by the throat, and chokeslams him into a nearby table. Hall and X-Pac laugh, and hand the Big Show a big wad of money. A joke about the Big Show's former membership in the nWo (1996) can be made here. X-Pac and Hall head to the ring...
Scott Hall vs. Matt Hardy
Scott Hall gets on the mic, and explains how unfortunate it is that Kevin Nash is injured. He tells the world that the nWo takeover of the WWF is on hold until he comes back. In the meantime, Matt Hardy, don't sing it, just bring it. Give this roughly 5 minutes, and have Matt nail Hall with the Twist-of-Fate to almost win it, only for X-Pac to run in. Yes, I know, this is a nWo run-in, but this would set up a good tag team feud between the Hardys and Hall/X-Pac once Jeff Hardy would make the save. We could have X-Pac get horny for some Lita, too, just like he did with Tori during the Kane feud a few years ago. Could be a great feud.
Winner: Matt Hardy via DQ
Ric Flair is shown walking backstage, about to head into the ring...
Ric Flair enters the arena with Arn Anderson, and they go to the ring. Flair talks about how proud he was for signing Austin, but he didn't forget about the Stone Cold Stunner. You see, Flair is a legend in the business, and he'll cite that he helped Austin in his path to professional wrestling during the WCW days. Austin has no respect for anyone, and as the owner of the RAW brand, Flair won't tolerate it! This would bring out Steve Austin, a pissed one at that, and he'll do his many "Whats" and then tells Flair to DTA, or Don't Trust Anybody. Flair would cite how many times that he's won the World Title and who he's fought in the past, in a temper tantrum. Flair would then, as the boss of the company, challenge Austin to a match later tonight to see how "great" Austin truly is. The main event of RAW is Ric Flair vs. Steve Austin. Does this not grab ratings or what?
Backstage we go, and Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are with Johnathan Coachman. Heyman cuts an awesome promo about how Brock is the future of wrestling, and how they are going to hurt someone tonight. Who could that be?!?
Spike Dudley vs. William Regal for the European Title
Regal makes quick work of Spike, but thanks to interference from Bradshaw, who had problems with Regal since William taunted the APA about breaking up a few weeks ago, Spike wins. Make this less than 2 minutes, please. Next week on RAW: Eddy Guerrero wins the European title, thereby making RVD vs. Guerrero a title vs. title match at Backlash.
Winner: Spike Dudley
Big Show vs. Kane
Remember from earlier, Kane was attacked by the Big Show via payoff from the NWO. Make this at decent length, like at most 5 minutes, and have Kane "hulk up" from a massive Big Show chokeslam, then, have Kane somehow chokeslam the Big Show for a CLEAN VICTORY. Hey, and better yet, have Kane go over the Undertaker CLEAN at Backlash, while we're at it.
After the match, the Undertaker would run in and attack Kane. Lead pipe, you name it. Kane has to be helped to the back. Meanwhile, Triple H comes out to a massive pop. He tells the Undertaker that it was Vince's doing that changed their title match, and that he STILL wants to defend the title against him. Triple H says why not right now?
Impromptu Match: Triple H vs. Undertaker for the Undisputed Title
Hey, why not? Have Triple H bump all over the place to make the match watchable, and then have a famous referee bump. An injured Kane would limp out and help Triple H get the win. Not only did we build up Kane as a wrestler, but put some good heat on his new feud with the Undertaker.
Winner: Triple H
Backstage, Brock is shown flexing his gigantic muscles, with Heyman getting him pumped up. His match is NEXT!
Brock Lesnar vs. Crash Holly
Crash comes out, to the amazement of everyone because he's wrestling on a match for Monday Night RAW. Wow. To new badass music, Brock Lesnar comes out with Heyman, and he completely destroys Crash. As head booker of the WWF, for a day, I ordered Crash to bump for everything and for Lesnar to work as stiff as possible. Total squash, although everyone and their mother will be amazed at Brock's awesome power moves. Then, to amaze everyone, Brock will win the match by hitting his Shooting-Star Press for the 1, 2, 3. Back to Heat you go, Crash.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Backstage, Debra is shown telling her husband, Steve Austin, on how big this match is going to be with Ric Flair. Lots of affection shown.... See where I'm going?!?
Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Tommy Dreamer for the Hardcore Title
An added bonus check was given to Dreamer to bump like his old ECW days for this match. Killer table spots were performed, but Bubba barely pulls the victory out by Senton (or whatever Bubba's top rope move is) splashing Dreamer, who was on a table. Could be a good match.
Winner: Bubba Ray Dudley
Backstage, Booker T is shown on a cellphone, just begging Vince McMahon to offer up a trade to Ric Flair. In the upcoming weeks, Booker T would get traded for Chris Jericho and other considerations.
Backstage, again, Debra listens to Steve Austin talk about Ric Flair, and how he feels about Flair's storied wrestling career. Debra looks as though she's in great support of her husband.
X-Pac vs. Bradshaw
X-Pac grabs the mic, and laughs with Scott Hall on how they were checking out Lita before they entered the arena. X-Pac would make some really nasty comments about what positions he'd nail Lita to the wall in, and then Bradshaw would enter. These two are fighting to tie in the NWO vs. Bradshaw feud. Hall tries to help X-Pac throughout the match, and eventually, the Hardys take out Hall, allowing Bradshaw to drill the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL on X-Pac for the win. Upon fending off the attack, William Regal would join the brawl and help attack Bradshaw for his dastardly actions earlier.
MAIN EVENT: Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair
Give this one, oh say, 15+ minutes please. Give it a good 12+ minutes before Arn Anderson would try to help Flair not receive a pounding by Austin. The match would go back and forth until Austin started to show that he was clearly going to to win, and then we'd have Arn starting to interfere. Then, Debra would mysteriously walk out and HELP Ric Flair to cheaply win the match. Debra?!? Joining Ric Flair?
Winner: Ric Flair
Yes indeed. What else is Debra going to do? As Flair's new personal assistant, she'll have a much better role within the WWF instead of just hanging around Austin. Plus, Flair and Debra worked together in WCW, which many older fans or at least WCW fans will instantly remember. Hey, how about a hot rematch at Backlash, giving Steve Austin a GOOD opponent for that show?
End of show.....
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@That's all, folks. I'm probably somewhere in leftfield in terms of my booking for tonight's RAW, but I had lots of fun
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.