Welcome to another delightful edition of the Phat Daily Column. I am your host, Mr. by-God Tito. Today, we'll review RAW because that's what the PDC traditionally does on Tuesdays, if you can dig that sucka. If you don't like that, well then, you can just flat out suck it. Why can I say that? Because Mr. Tito said so, har har.
Man, I'm still getting barked at by readers about Christopher Daniels. He certainly has his loyal following out there. Funny thing is that nobody yelled at me for ripping Big Vito. Now that's funny! I did like the team of the Mamalukes back in the day...
In non wrestling news, I just finished the book of Star Wars: Episode 2 - The Attack of the Clones, and I must say, the movie is going to be awesome if it pretty much follows this book. It appears to be more planned out than Episode 1, and it contains some excellent twists to set up Episode 3 in 2005. Come on May 16th!
Let's review RAW, so on to the PDC!
Sports Entertainment would then take over, as Steve Austin would get the crowd to say "WHAT?" many times, which does a lot for the audience in the arena but nothing for the viewers at home. How many times must I say that? An angry Ric Flair would come out, respond by apologizing several times, and then set up Bradshaw/Steve Austin versus Hall/X-Pac, again, as the Big Slow was in India doing promotional work. Note to Big Show: you can't eat beef in India. Uh oh, he's in trouble! Flair would then set himself up as the referee, which will obviously progress the storyline.
Next match was Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam. Before the match, Goldust wanted Booker T to wear the blonde whig, only to be turned down by a joke concerning how Goldust was a lesbian lovechild of Spider-man and Big Bird. OOOOOHHHHH, the WWF writers are SO funny. How about I add a joke about Goldust, myself?
Q: What does Goldust call hemorroids?
A: Speed bumps!
Now that's funny. Booker T vs. RVD wasn't nearly as good as their encounter on the very first Split edition of RAW, given the fact that it was shorter and for the Goldust interference. I guess Booker T's rumored face turn will come this way?
Oh, how about another Goldust joke?
Q: Why did Goldust get fired from the Sperm Bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job!
Our third match was Brock Lesnar KILLING Shawn Stasiak. 3 squashes in a row for Stasiak. Way to build that young talent! At least this time, it was against the next big thing, Brock Lesnar. At least Stasiak got in more offense on Brock than he did against Regal or Big Show. Of course, that could be a bad thing for Brock.
The 1st Hour Main Event was next, as Bradshaw/Steve Austin took on Scott Hall/X-Pac, with Ric Flair as the special guest referee. Not bad, not bad at all, and I'll agree with Meltzer in that X-Pac provides better matches for the NWO since he joined the group. The ending had Scott Hall putting X-Pac's foot on the ropes, but Flair not seeing it, scoring Bradshaw/Austin for the win.
This storyline is getting more screwy by the week, but I like it's progression. After the match, Hall and X-Pac confronted Flair about not seeing the foot on the ropes, but Flair said he didn't see such a thing. The NWO mentioned how they'd love to have Flair as a wrestler again, and as a result of that, we're going to see Bradshaw/Ric Flair/Steve Austin against Scott Hall/Big Show/X-Pac. See, the storyline is slowly progressing and we have an announced match for next week. Good television here... too bad the rest of the show and some of the matches can't be that good.
Speaking of stuff that can't be good, the Undertaker would come out and talk. *YAAAWWWWNNNNNNN* Straight out of WCW Nitro hell it was, and Hulk Hogan would even come out to confront the Undertaker. I hope that Undertaker vs. Hogan is the Main Event of Judgment Day, just so the WWF can clearly see how bad it could tank. Screw adding Triple H and Chris Jericho, let's see how bad the 1991 Survivor Series feud can draw today. I bet you that Jericho just might win the World Title at the Smackdown tapings tonight, just for the excuse to add him to the Main Event at Judgment Day, and then Triple H too. That, or Triple H will interfere and piss off Vince McMahon to change the match.
Funny how the WWF was pretty much blaming "Dark Angel" for hurting Lita.
Next match was Jazz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley for the Hardcore Title. Horrible, horrible match. The novelty of an intergender match was thrown out, given the fact that nobody cares that much about Jazz in the first place. Sure, they might boo her when she's fighting the over Trish Stratus, but to fight in an intergender match? Then, in a rather odd ending to the match, Steven... excuse me, Stevie Richards came out and won the Hardcore Title. He would then run off with Jazz, driving away from the arena. Huh? Did I miss something here? Let's hope for an explanation on RAW next Monday... If Richards is going to use the name "Stevie", then why not dress like Stevie Richards? I'm sure with the current violent and social WWF crowd, seeing a guy wrestle in the Daisy-Dukes would draw lots of heat.
Good promo with William Regal displaying many oldschool Hulkamania products. Man, that cartoon was bad back in the day.
Our unfortunate Main Event was Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal. HOLY Nitro-run-in, the Undertaker would immediately attack Hogan after Regal offered the Hulkster some tea. I'll admit, the tea offering was funny, especially with the hot tea getting poured on Regal, the pan shot, and then the table getting thrown at Regal. The Undertaker's attack led to Hogan getting busted open. At least I couldn't clearly see the blade job, like that one time he took a chairshot from Billy Kidman in 2000, where you could see him blading himself before the shot happened. Beware of the FUNB. (FU New Blood, if you didn't remember)
LAST WORD: Some bright spots, but plenty of bad spots, too. Opening match was good, the storyline between Flair and Austin is shaping up nicely, but what happened again on RAW? The midcard matches were weak, once again, the main event was absolutely pitiful. I'll go on a generous
AOL Instant Messenger: BookerTito - It's recommended that you send your questions or feedback as your first message so that it could be answered, instead of saying "hi", "hey", "what's up" or whatever else. Just get to the point, please, to make it easier since I get drilled with messages.
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@That's all for today's PDC. Tune in tomorrow for more exciting adventures!
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.