Welcome to another edition of the Phat Daily Column. I am your EVIL host, Mr. Tito. Today, we've got lots to cover. Not only will we discuss the latest in pro wrestling, but we'll hype Smackdown AND we'll review the WWF video "WWF Funniest Moments". As an added bonus, you will see TWO reviews of that video, one by myself, and another by LoP's very own William Martinez.
A couple people were a tad disturbed by my ripping apart of the internet news "reporter" yesterday. The main point I was trying to make was how many fans are overrating all of the remaining wrestling talent not in the WWF right now. Get it through your heads... the WWF is a MONOPOLY right now, or they at least have several features of a monopoly. Since they are the only successful company in America, they can set the wages, and especially since they are the only company on television right now, they are able to sign whatever talent they want. Therefore, you'd think that they signed all of the best talent so far, right?
Yes, and they have. Not only that, but the WWF is beginning to sign youngsters with insane amounts of promise for a successful WWF down the road. Having a developmental system while being such a strong force in the marketplace is just insane of the WWF. The WWF models the New York Yankees of Major League Baseball, who can buy whatever talent they want and yet still develop talent at the same time to remain successful for years.
So for all of the "independent sensations" and former ECW or WCW wrestlers unsigned by the WWF, you should know that the WWF has had a good look at all of the wrestlers in America. And believe me, when they see potential for improving their product, they'll make every attempt to sign him or her, just like they just did for Rene Dupre, who is just 18, and probably by the age of 21, he'll be the next big thing in the WWF, just like Brock Lesnar is today.
For the most part, readers fired back at me for ripping poor ol' Christopher Daniels. Oh boo hoo. I've seen several of Daniels's matches, and while they feature impressive moves and spots at times, he can screw up a lot of moves or can be absent of some ring psychology, which is what the WWF keys on when signing talent. Daniels has had several tryouts with the WWF, and they must have saw something lacking in him as an overall wrestler. Or else, the WWF, the only successful wrestling company in America, would have signed him already!
Enough of that. On to the PDC!
All of these neck injuries are occurring with WWF wrestlers. Hmmm... Let's see here... Steve Austin, Rhyno, Chris Benoit, eventually Scotty Too Hotty, and now Lita. That's a hefty amount of talent, and pretty good ones, to lose to over a half of a year to bad neck injuries.
-And while we're on the subject of injuries, it looks like Diamond Dallas Page's career is in limbo from the back injury he's suffering from. He'll try therapy for several weeks, which I'm hoping that it works, but at DDP's age, who knows? I guess that's why we saw him JOB to Hardcore Holly last week on Smackdown. Gee, you could have picked a better wrestler for his possible last match, right? Not so much that Holly is a bad wrestler, but his character isn't anything to get a decent rub for, but hey, we gotta jack off for Tough Enough!
-Looking at the Hotjobs.com listing for WWF jobs, aside from the business aspect openings, there is an opening for "Composer". Here's what it says: "World Wrestling Federation Entertainment, Inc., the global leader in sports entertainment, is looking for a full time Composer to create original music such as pop, rock and jazz." Hey, a full time Composer? Isn't that Jim Johnston's job? Looks like somebody is retiring or moving on very soon. Plus, I find this odd given the fact that the WWF hits the stock music more often than not and since they sign deals with various artists to use their music.
-I bet you that United Kingdom fans are going to be pissed off. Why? One of the FEW Pay Per Views they actually have to pay for from the WWF, Insurrextion, is going to be headlined by the Undertaker vs. Steve Austin. They are getting a lovely Pay Per View of the RAW roster, and NO Hulk Hogan on the card, too. I guess they better get ready to accept the loss in money and feel unhappy with their investment, just like Americans can feel for the 12 Pay Per Views we have to buy every year.
SMACKDOWN HYPE: Tonight on Smackdown, we'll probably see the World Title match at Judgment Day begin to change since folks, Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan just won't draw. I bet that Triple H will be pissed, as will Chris Jericho, somehow leading to Undertaker vs. Hogan vs. Triple H vs. Chris Jericho at Backlash, which is the current rumored main event.
WWF.com, the merchandise whore that it is, was suggesting that Kurt Angle will unveil his brand new T-shirt. Gee, I bet someone will get a hold of that shirt and changed it up, right? Maybe put "you suck" somewhere on it?
Smackdown is also hyping that the WORLD's STRONGEST MAN, Mark Henry, will be on hand to stink things up. Oh boy, I can't wait for the 1980's scenes where Mark tries to lift heavy objects. It's soooooo getting him over with the 2000's crowd.
In some rather stupid tag team set ups, we'll see Chuck & Suck and Tajiri against Maven & Al Snow and Billy Kidman. Looks like the WWF has already taken care of the Cruiserweight division: by inserting them into matches with Heavyweights! Also, how about Edge/Rikishi vs. Albert/Kurt Angle. Jesus Christ, the WWF is using Angle to whore over FAT Albert on all of us. Can't they just accept that Albert has no charisma, isn't over the fans no matter what you do, and in reality, isn't exactly a great wrestler to watch? Same goes for Rikishi.
Despite having a loaded roster, the large grouping of great wrestlers won't be utilized, thereby giving us a pathetic show tonight. Can't wait.
TOUGH ENOUGH HYPE: It sucks this season.
A big problem I have, however, on this video is how censored it is. The WWF maybe could have offered a Censored and an Uncensored versions, since many of the DX segments had bleeps in the language. The cursewords made it funny in those cases.
Another thing that I thought was missing was Bloopers. Aside from Sid badly messing up a live RAW promo, they didn't see any in ring blown moves or any other bad promos. Maybe in the future, the WWF could release a Bloopers video? Of course, many of the WWF wrestlers throughout the years would be pissed off at how bad a messed up spot would be, which is sort of disrespectful of the trade.
There was a lot of the stuff at what used to be WrestleCrap.com, in it's full length, that could have been on the video, too. Aside from the hillbilly wedding, the WWF did all kinds of stupid things with Hillbilly Jim. The WWF tried all kinds of goofy gimmicks throughout the years, especially in the mid 1990's. I mean, they had a wrestling plumber for Christ's sakes. Showing the Ultimate Warrior's mess ups would have been funny, too.
Aside from that, it was a good collection of comedic sketches. We saw several Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon discussions, which were quite funny. If only they would have shown Heenan ripping on EVERYONE from the old Prime Time Wrestling, that would have been a classic. We had plenty of the Bushwackers, too.
The WWF appeared to skip over many of the mid 1990's scenes, when things were going really sour then. They did show a good bit of the modern stuff, since the WWF did try to push the envelope. We saw the second skit of Mark Henry, when he discovered that his girlfriend was a transvestite. We did NOT see the oral sex scene, which again, comes from the video probably being market to younger fans, too.
Lots of stuff from the Rock, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, and Vince McMahon. With Vince and Austin, I wish they would have shown the finale of the Hospital scene, where Steve Austin shoved an enema up Vince's ass. Classic stuff. Although the WWF had their share of Rocky and Foley scenes, I'm very surprised that they excluded the "This is Your Life" scene, which I believe remains the highest rated WWF segment, ever. Hmm...
The stuff that was mainly Censored was the Degeneration X material. I suggest, for everyone, that you buy the DX video if it's available in your area, and if not, order it somewhere. It's not censored, whatsoever. The whole "State of the Union" address DX made before one show is censored on this video, but not on the DX video. Same with the nudity...
LAST WORD: A good collection of scenes throughout the WWF's life, although it skipped a little of the stuff in the mid 1990's. If they would have made fun of gimmicks more, then this video would have been stronger. Otherwise, this video gets a grade of a
Take it away William............
One of them as the fact that the WWF went deep into their library for some of these clips and showed some classic Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan at the zoo footage and even went as far back as the Butcher Vachon wedding. Considering how the WWF likes to help fans forget certain things from the past, I found it interesting that they included the infamous “Larry Fling Live” skit with “The Huckster” and the “Nacho Man” as well as a lot of Issac Yankem vignettes. Also included from the past are shots of the “Kiss My Foot” match between Bret Hart and Jerry Lawler and even, if you can remember at all, the marriage proposal that took place on Raw way back where Jerry Lawler ended up kissing the guy’s fiancee right in front of him. But, what footage from the past would be complete without a few Bushwhackers vignettes? The tape has a few skits of Luke and Butch pigging out on food and drink.
As you would expect, the bulk of the video consisted of more recent clips from WWF television. A lot of interation between The Rock and Mankind was shown including the formation of The Rock & Sock Connection, a lot of classic Rock promos, the comedic part of the Vince McMahon vs. Steve Austin feud, including Austin taking over Titan Towers and the infamous hospital room skit. Also included on the tape were the more “risque” angles in recent WWF history such as the Mark Henry/”Sammy” skit, the Mark Henry/Mae Young relationship and the Kaientai “Choppy choopy your peepee” angle with Val Venis.
As should be expected from a WWF funniest moments tape, a lot of Degeneration X footage was shown including, in my opinion, the funniest skit in WWF history, the “DX Public Address”. But if it’s DX stuff you’re looking for, don’t buy this tape for that, but buy the DX tape instead since most of the DX stuff in this is heavily censored. And for those wondering, the DX impersonation of The Nation is shown.
Probably the best part of this tape was the bloopers segment which showed the Gene Okerlund interview with Rick Rude where the Summerslam logo fell down in the backdrop as well as the Sycho Sid promo where he screwed up and asked Jim Ross if he could start over on live television. A lot of Rock bloopers are also shown such as when his sunglasses fell unexpected when he turned his head and when his voice kept cracking up while trying to cut a promo on Mankind.
Overall, this tape is well worth the price and is definitely one of the better WWF tapes in my collection although they could have made it a bit longer than an hour long. My only real complaint is that they didn’t show nearly enough classic Edge & Christian stuff, only a few skits, and those shown weren’t nearly their funniest stuff. More Kurt Angle and Big Show (back when Show was impersonating a bunch of wrestlers) would have been nice as well but I guess whatever is missing from this tape gives plenty of material to another funniest moments tape. I’ll give this tape a grade of A. (Send Feedback to William at firstname.lastname@example.org)
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KOLTERSHOCK!!! - A site that you shouldn't view with small children present!
X-Entertainment.com - One of the most entertaining pages on the net!
@That's all folks. I'll be back tomorrow to rip apart Smackdown and Tough Enough 2. Until then, just chill....
Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.