Monday, Monday.... so good to me. Well, not really, but it's somewhat fun to quote a band. Today, I have 3 things in store for you. One, I'll review the lovely Mtv Heat. Secondly, I'll hype RAW. Then, I'll provide a video review of ECW Deep Impact. Now won't that be fun?

I still haven't paid any real attention to e-mails yet. I guess I'm on a so-called e-mail vacation, which I deserve to me. I get pounded with it on a daily basis, and a break from it is nice every once in a while. However, whenever I take a break, the days just pile on...

I couldn't resist... Yesterday, I bought ECW's Barely Legal, which is ECW's first ever Pay Per View. To make it worth my while, I'll review that video some time this week. I hope to review the Best of RAW Volume 2 on Wednesday, as I announced that yesterday.

On to the PDC.

Thanks to Shane O'Mack for the Heat banner!! Too many of you swiped Mtv's Heat logo, and I could get busted for using that.

I'm sure the folks at WWFE are just baffled, still, to why Mtv Heat isn't gaining the strong ratings they once did on USA Networks. Well, this is very simple. Mtv has an audience of teeny-bopper girls who are looking for anything that's "cute" on television, which is why they are addicted to the Boy Bands. No younger girl will constantly watch wrestling, and when tha'ts the majority of your TV viewers, well, then you're screwed there. Plus, the Mtv atmosphere just scares most of the male viewers who normally catch all of the other WWF programming. Think about it...

Trish Stratus was the host of Mtv Heat this week. Why? Because she couldn't get enough of it from hosting RAW from the WWF NY Monday Night. Geesh. Anyway, she did this stupid dating game, which oddly resembled the one on Mallrats, and even had the same music! I was just hoping for one of the contestants to shout "Ah Christ Gil, would you shut the fuck up?!?" God, I love that movie. I can't wait until "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" comes out.

First match was Haku vs. K-Kwik. Now before this match, I was thinking "this is going to be a senseless job for Haku, and a total waste of my time". Well, the match did suck, but K-Kwik pulled out the victory!! Wow, that was quite amazing to see. At least the WWF is now properly using Haku for the first time, ever.

Wow, Justin Credible has tights. Credible and X-Punk fought the Holly Boys in an OK match, with Spike Dudley coming out to help the Hardys. I was thinking Rhyno would run down to make it a total clusterfuck, but only Spike ran down.

Perry Saturn vs. Raven..... You know what's funny? Their WCW matches were just incredible, with the fans actually backing it. However, once they get into the WWF, nobody cheers. Of course, Saturn is just a bulked up boring wrestler, and Raven lost the edge he once had as a violent ECW World Champion in 1996. But the point of this match was to push the Raven vs. Eddie Guerrero match at Backlash, which I don't think is getting much real hype. Raven's character needs more defined, if anything.

Well, the panic button has certainly has hit in the WWF, for Vince McMahon did a segment with Triple H and Austin. Vince should know that he needs to tend to the Mtv audience, instead of milking himself or top main eventers in backstage segments for ratings. I bet that Heat won't be any higher this week than last week. Vince McMahon booked the Titles vs. Titles match for Backlash, though, as he'll keep fighting to boost ratings.

LAST WORD: This show sucks like no other. D for this pile of crap show.

RAW HYPE

Well, it was announced on Heat that Austin/Triple H will put up their singles titles against Undertaker/Kane, who must put their titles on the line. Yes, it's a repeated idea from the In Your House 3 from September 1995, where HBK/Diesel fought Owen/Yokozuna. The WWF better hope that both teams can churn out a great match, because from what I've seen, readers aren't exactly thrilled that it's the main event for Backlash. I would predict some singles matches with these guys, BUT both matches are going to headline King of the Ring.

Look for more hype with Shane McMahon and Big Show, for their crazy match at Backlash. Funny how Shane's willing to give his body to get his buddies over. Look what the Summerslam match with Steve Blackman has done. Shane might as well just officially become a wrestler instead of running WCW.

Here is what WWFbacklash.com has for the matches this Sunday:

-Triple H/Austin vs. Undertaker/Kane
-Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle
-Chris Jericho vs. William Regal
-Shane McMahon vs. Big Show

I'd expect to see more from Raven and Eddie Guerrero, and something more on the Dudleys vs. X-Factor feud. We'll probably see something with RhYno and the Hollys, but I'm thinking we'll somehow see a 6 man match evolve, since Edge/Christian have nothing in the storylines now.

What will the Hardys do?

Linda McMahon and Mick Foley will be at WWF NY, to be in full monotone and to make no sense whatsoever. Well, I'm expecting some new "twist" to be added to the HUGE divorce angle. Probably just twisting our arms.

ECW Deep Impact

Don't you just love Birthdays? I certainly do, and you should as well, since it provides this column with MORE media reviews! Whoo!

ECW Deep Impact (Uncensored)

Image courtesy of Amazon.com

Let's run this one MATCH BY MATCH.

Steve Austin vs. Mikey Whipwreck vs. Sandman: Well, they actually showed two matches here. First, they showed Mikey vs. Austin, and then the 3 way dance next. Although it was interesting to see Austin in those days, the matches were SO BORING!!!!!

Terry Funk vs. Sabu in the Barbed Wire match: I've always wanted to catch this match. I still want to know why any wrestler, in their right mind, would wrestle this type of match. Barbed wire does nothing but cut the hell out of you, and isn't safe whatsoever. This was a pretty good barbed wire match, although I liked the Raven vs. Sandman one better on one of the previous tapes.

Tazz vs. Bam Bam Bigelow: This is the one for the TV title, where they fall through the ring. I forgot about one nasty spot in this match, where Tazz suplexed Bam Bam over the guardrail and off the entrance. Damn, that was quite nasty. Tazz looks a lot tougher in this match than his current WWF look. Hmmm...

Terry Funk/Sandman vs. Mick Foley/Shane Douglas: Pretty good all around tag match, with 3 guys bumping like hell when needed. Well, it wasn't a tag match, for they just brawled around the ring.

Masato Tanaka/Jerry Lynn vs. Mike Awesome/Justin Credible: This one has tags. This is basically the same type match of Tanaka and Awesome, only with a tag format. It's funny to watch, too, because it's before Awesome officially signed his deal with ECW. Therefore, Awesome doesn't care much about physique back then. Tanaka takes a nice powerbomb to the outside, which conveniently misses the table.

LAST WORD: This one is probably the weakest out of the ECW series, although it's still a pretty good watch. Since Extreme Revolution got a B, I'll give this one a

B-

Again, I stress this: where are the Eliminator matches??? And many more matches that just dazzled ECW fans. It seems that they are avoiding the best matches, and going for the quick matches with WWF stars. Argh!

NEWS ORGY: Lennox Lewis parody, Prison Chess game leads to brawl, and many more CRAZY news stories!!!! So Click Here to join the Orgy!

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@That's all for today. I'll be back with the dreaded RAW review, and whatever else comes to mind. Just chill till the next episode.

Phat Pharm: 2 New Columns are now up! Click Here to check out "Reaching for the Ropes" and "Behind the Shotgun's Barrel"!!!

Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.

Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to Lordsofpain.net


-XFL-

The MILLION DOLLAR GAME between the Xtreme and the Demons only drew a 2.5 in the overnight ratings. Some might say "oh yeah, that's an improvement", but when the number is higher for overnights, it usually means a bigger dip for the official number. NBC hyped this game like hell, too, as did the WWF programming. We'll see how it translates probably around Wednesday.

Nothing else really out there.