Welcome to the RETURNING edition of the Phat Daily Column. What happened to me? Did the WWF kidnap me for my many harsh opinions over the past few years? Did aliens abduct me? Did the Jackson 5 need me to record some tracks for Michael Jackson's new album coming out soon?

Well, no... nothing of that sort. I actually had 1/2 of Monday's column all typed out, and I went to go save the column so that it wouldn't freeze on me. However, trying to save it made the computer freeze, therefore losing 30 minutes of my life that I couldn't get back. I just couldn't take rewriting the column again, since I was mad as hell. Frankly, I needed a day off after that bullshit.

This wasn't the Compaq from Hell at my house, either, for I was on the school-provided Gateway computer here at the university. It's a fairly new Gateway too, which I wouldn't think would freeze on me from just typing on a computer. Yes, I'd figure it would happen on a obsolete Compaq, but not on an up to date Gateway, with network connection. I just find the computer world ridiculous, these days, for they push out a lot of technology without properly testing it for any error whatsoever. You don't go about a day without hearing of a new processor failing on computers, or just horror stories of what Operating Systems can do.

Oh well, I guess it just gives something extra for someone like me to get mad about. You know, I was going to be a computer science major, but I dropped that like a bad habit, with one reason being that I didn't want to put up with the problems rushed technology creates.

What the hell am I talking about? On to the PDC.

RAW is WAR Review

The first match of the night was Kurt Angle vs. Kane. Well, first, it was Kurt Angle calling out any champion to fight. Angle dogged the Boston crowd, bigtime! All you have to do is to rip on the Red Sox if you want cheap heat in Boston. Anyway, Kane, the HARDCORE champion came out for a fight, reminding us of the many, many times they've fought before. No, that's not it... it featured lots of run ins and only served as a way to hype the "epic collision" (quoting Jim Ross) of Undertaker vs. Big Show later on... Hmmm.. The crowd was pretty hot after Angle's comments, though, which could have been used for something good thereafter.

However, we were treated to seeing the WHOLE segment of Jim Ross's interview with Stone Cold from Smackdown. The whole damn thing!!!! Why did the WWF do that? The same amount of fans watch Smackdown as RAW, so why on God's green Earth did the WWF do this? It's a nice 20 minutes totally blown by WWF television, in which they could at least do an interview. Notice I said "at least". Who knows, maybe they could do another match or whatever else. I just feel that the WWF wasted a lot of time by showing this clip, in its full length, was a bad mistake. We'll see how the ratings treat it. All this waste of time led to was a "threat" by Ross to jump to WCW.

Next, it was a handicap match, pitting Crash and Molly Holly against RhYno. If you put in a tape of the last Crash vs. RhYno match, you'd get the same thing. However, Bob Hardcore Holly ran down before Molly Holly could get hers. First Crash, then K-Kwik, and then Crash again... so will Bob Holly be the next Heat wrestler thrown to the hungry Rhyno? We'll see.

I got a good laugh out of X-Factor ripping into Spike Dudley for losing to Lita on Heat. It's probably the only entertaining thing I've seen since they've formed. You just knew that D'Von and Buh Buh would get revenge later, as they did in the 6 man match. They beat X-Factor rather quickly, once Spike was tagged out of the match. Afterward, some Dudley Boyz took some hard bumps. First, Spike was tossed out fo the ring, and then Buh Buh was Albert-bombed through a table. I'm wondering if Albert thought about tossing Spike into the crowd, just like Bam Bam Bigelow did to Spike in ECW. Well, the WWF crowds are sort of different than the ECW ones, so don't press your luck. Oh by the way... X-Factor has new music by Uncle Cracker.... which sucks. Now watch, that will grow on me just like the Austin theme did.

Ehh, Big Slow vs. the Undertaker was there, but I liked the ending to it. How else can you beat a 7 foot, 500 pounder, cleanly? The Undertaker is really struggling these days, though, as Nick told me he couldn't lift Steven Richards into the Last Ride during Smackdown, in which it was edited later because Kane had to help him. That's sort of scary for the safety reasons, especially with the Taker's strong winning record.

Linda McMahon just talks too long...... Her monotone voice is just torture! Another 20 minutes, down the tubes. All this 2nd waste of time was to show that Linda McMahon, now, wanted a divorce. You mean that they wasted time on Smackdown to hype this, and 20 minutes of RAW showtime just to do this? God, this stuff is crazy! I guess this will set up a situation to where Linda will own half of the WWF, and Vince will own the other half? Who knows? I believe Shane McMahon said he owned a part of the WWF, as he said on WWF TV, so maybe things could get more interesting from there.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit was quite a letdown from the minute you saw William Regal as the referee. How can you enjoy a match when you know exactly what was going to happen? Oh well, I guess it's sports entertainment, and not the 1980's technical brilliance that I'm always craving.

Val Venis vs. Raven... Joy, joy, joy! I have a feeling that Raven *MIGHT* join the Right to Censor down the road, since the WWF seems to have lost all ideas about Raven after the Masked Ninja was revealed.

I liked the main event, and I appreciate the great opportunity for the Hardy Boyz to get a shot at Triple H and Austin. They've never had the chance to fight those two guys, and they worked hard against them. My only gripe about this match was how the legal man/woman didn't pin the legal man/woman. Lita and Stephanie NEVER tagged in, which hurts sort of the credibility of the match. Massive beatdown that followed by the lethal team of Austin/Triple H on the Hardys/Stephanie. It's up there, if not the roughest, in the top beatdowns I've ever seen. The point of the beatdown, especially on Lita, was to get more heel heat for Austin. That simple.

RAW Phat Stats

Matches: 7
Clean Wins: 3
Screwjobs: 1
Disqualifications: 0
No Contests: 2
Illegal Wins: 1

LAST WORD: No need to watch Livewire, for you could have watched Smackdown clips with RAW together. It just seemed like RAW hit coast control tonight, by having lots of flashbacks of previous shows instead of looking toward the future. This show did lay some seeds for some future storylines, like the Jim Ross threat and the Linda divorce, but it took lots of minutes to accomplish that. Oddly enough, the Six Man matches were the best matches of the night, while the singles matches were struggling. I'll give this show an honest


just for too much stalling and too many flashbacks, not to mention overbooked matches. If you think I'm negative for that grade, then so be it.

MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Triple H/Austin/Stephanie vs. Hardys/Lita



From tonight's show, it's obvious that the WWF is pushing Triple H/Austin as a tag team tonight, although they didn't have Kane/Undertaker wrestling as a team. Angle stayed away from Benoit, which makes me wonder where that's going. Very strange. Here's my predicted card so far:

Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho vs. William Regal/Kurt Angle
Hardcore Holly vs. Rhyno
X-Factor vs. Dudley Boyz
Kane/Undertaker vs. Steve Austin/Triple H

I'm unsure where the Jericho-Regal thing is currently going, whether they'll wrestle singles or in the tag match. Very unknown at this point. I'm sure we'll see Edge/Christian finding someone to feud with at Smackdown, once they return from WWF NY.

NEWS ORGY: A very sick West Virginia citizen teaches Sex Education in a very bad way, picture of Jesse Jackson's lovechild, and MUCH MORE! So Click Here to join the Orgy!

CLICK HERE to listen to the latest show. The Scotty Anton interview was cancelled due to the illness of one of the hosts. It will be rescheduled for a later date.

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@That's all for today's RETURN column. Unless this fucking computer freezes on me tomorrow, I'll be back tomorrow. Phat Pharm is reopening very soon!


Take Care, and Thanks for Reading.

Mr. Tito 1998 - 2001 Exclusive to LordsofPain.net

The XFL scored a 1.7, or somewhere around that in the overnight ratings for the NBC Saturday Night Game. God, that's ugly, and it will easily mean that the WWF will pass up the impossible rating of 1.5 once the ratings come up. The XFL keeps breaking their own records! (Yahoo!)

Intertops.com, the net's largest sports betting site, is now taking bets on if the XFL will fold at the end of the season. The odds were announced to be 10/13 that it won't make it. (Bob Ryder @ 1wrestling.com)

Playoffs start next week, and your match ups are the Chicago Enforcers vs. Orlando Rage for the EAST, and Los Angeles Xtreme vs. San Francisco Demons in the West.

Maybe I should go to Intertops.com to place a bet.